Face Tattoos Mean True Love, Duh

In 2009 Rouslan Toumaniantz made headlines for tattooing a girl’s face. Remember? Kimberly Valminck said she fell asleep and Toumaniantz tattooed 56 stars onto her face.  I never bought that story. I’ve been tattooed four times and you cannot sleep during it. Even the ones that don’t really hurt still keep you awake. It came out that Valminck had lied because her dad was (rightfully) mad at her. It didn’t matter that the girl had lied, Toumaniantz was ruined and so he picked up his tattoo gun and moved back to Russia.

That’s not the end of Toumaniantz headline making ways.  While in Russia, Toumaniantz met Lesya online. They met in person and within hours were head over heels in love and Toumaniantz was up to his old tricks…tattooing her face.

Rouslan Toumaniantz tattooed his first name on his girlfriend, Lesya’s, face after less than 24 hours of knowing her. Lesya posted photos of her tattoo on her Facebook page,  she said she wants, “100% of the body covered in tattoo :) … It’s a symbol of our eternal devotion. I’d like him to tattoo every inch of my body.”

A friend of the couple said, “I know that there are people who are terrified that Lesya has made a rash decision that she’ll regret horribly, but sometimes the best decisions are the ones you make in an instant with your heart rather than the ones long-debated in your mind.”

She is eighteen and has a man’s name tattooed on her face. A man she had known for less than 24 hours. Yeah, this will be a huge regret!

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Other Uses For Sperm Besides Baby-Making

photo of sperm pictures
Gordon Gallup is called Mr. Sperm because he spends most of his time researching it. Everyone knows that sperm makes babies (and messes), but as it turns out, it has a lot of amazing abilities. For one, it can cure morning sickness, which is a fair trade since it helps cause morning sickness. But quelling your vomit is only one of the many things sperm can do, and after reading this list, you might not be so adverse using your boyfriend’s baby batter for things other than a baby.

1—It’s a mood booster: when absorbed through the vagina, sperm can act as a mood enhancer (duh).

2—You can cook with it: we all know it’s a good source of protein (how many here have heard that line, har har har) but according to Fotie Photoenhauer (really with that name?), “… semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.” That’s the quote comes from the back of the cookbook Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. And LOL! on it being “inexpensive to produce” and “available in many … homes and restaurants.”

3—Skincare: easy with the jokes on this one. There are a lot of companies that use sperm because it supposedly contains a powerful antioxidant. And I’ll leave it at that … a facial! Sorry … I couldn’t help myself.

4—Invisible Ink: a British Secret Intelligence Service member during World War I wrote in his diary, “The best invisible ink is semen,” because it “… would not react to iodine vapors.” I do not buy this one bit. Not one single bit.

5—It promotes sexual maturity: In some cultures, younger boys will drink the sperm of the elders in order to encourage their own production. GROSS, dear God.

Look, making babies, and mood-boosting I get—I’ve seen these things at work, but slathering semen on my skin (on purpose) or putting it in my pasta? Ugh! You can just forget it. Guys, you’re never going to convince girls that don’t like to go down south to play with the stuff or favor it until you can figure out how to make it taste like butterscotch budino, chocolate, or their favorite cocktail. Get to the research on that and you’ll get a trophy filled with semen!

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WTF is Up With Schools Going All PC?

Photo of Wakefield Track and Field Sweatshirt

In the latest situation of political correctness run amok, a sports team from a Massachusetts is being criticized for their team sweatshirts proudly bearing the initials of its school and team—Wakefield Track and Field.

Um, yeah, that would be WTF.

From Fox News:

The Wakefield Track and Field Team in Wakefield, Mass, handed out the sweatshirts to team members last year after the season that had “WTF” printed on the back of the shirts, MyFoxBoston.com reports.

The superintendent of schools, Joan Landers, said that’s not how she wants the student population to be represented.

But several students, including Gregory Hampton-Boyd, told the TV station that they don’t find it offensive.

“It’s kinda funny,” he said. “It’s inappropriate but at the same time it stands for something else.”

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Kathryn Jean Lopez Makes Sarah Palin Look Moderate

I have to apologize to Sarah Palin for taking issue with the drivel that sometimes comes out of her mouth.  Now that I’ve encountered Kathryn Jean Lopez, Editor-at-Large of National Review Online, Palin looks downright … intelligent.  In fact, I’m going so far to say that Ms. Lopez’s most recent anti-woman diatribe might just be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read … and I’ve seen some mighty strange things. Oh, and she’s not even hot.  Not that it matters, but since Sarah Palin’s looks are such a point of contention, I thought I’d throw it out there.

This is how Lopez chose to begin a recent editorial:

Usually, people want to stand up and be counted. During the most recent Supreme Court confirmation hearings, Solicitor General Elena Kagan’s, I wanted to do just the opposite.

The moment occurred while Sen. Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota was speechifying about women’s “progress.” She was reveling in the same kind of political victimhood that frequently seems to perversely empower liberal women who work in Washington. It helps with their ideologically advantageous illusion that women are somehow oppressed in the United States, despite the fact that, say, the secretary of state is a woman (as has been the case more often than not lately).

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