Porn Scorn

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You guys, porn is a normal part of being a person. It’s not that everyone watches porn. Not everyone drives cars. Not everyone watches sportsball. These are, however, all normal things.

I did not grow up watching porn. Aside from having hilariously terrible computers (I mean, when one of your parents works for a major computer company, you would think that your family would have computers before your friends do and that they would be better; we had the opposite) and being extremely paranoid about getting caught (I am, as a rule, quite risk-averse), I was more than content to read smutty fanfic.

Most fanfiction is not sexual in nature. The vast majority of fanfic is poorly written. But what well-written smutfic (sexually explicit fanfiction, often with sex as the plot) in the realms of Harry Potter and Inuyasha that I could find, I read. It got me through high school. I have read the term “Quidditch-toned abs” more than most people, I would wager.

In fact, one of my favorite actual authors, whose first actual book—of which I received a signed copy months before it was published—is being made into a movie and will be in theaters in a year, got her start writing extremely long, extremely good Harry Potter fanfiction. She also wrote Harry Potter smutfic. (This is not, however, a Fifty Shades situation — none of her original story or characters are borrowed from anyone else’s original work)

In college, with my own computer and a much greater measure of privacy, I started looking into porn, but mostly through friends. I think that this is probably more unusual, but my friends and I discuss porn with each other. We’ll recommend porn to each other, or even send each other copies when one of us has an external hard drive that stops working. We might just tweet about liking a particular new “actor” (it’s awkward to call them that), or send each other porn that we especially like, or just talk about what we like the best. I assume that that’s how other people talk about who made the best touchgoalruns* in the latest sportsball thing.

A darling friend of mine, whom I had not seen in at least a year, came to visit me in 2009 when I was living in an apartment. I happened to mention how I had not seen Pirates, which is (or was, at least) the highest budget pornographic film ever made. As …

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I Want to Talk About Rihanna and Chris Brown for a Minute

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In 2009, Chris Brown beat the hell out of Rihanna. There’s no other way to put that—he beat the hell out of her.  He punched her with one hand and drove a car with the other, he bit her, he threatened to kill her, and left her on the side of the road. And that’s just what I remember from reading the police report years ago. I also remember how nothing really happened to him. He went on to perform at the Grammys two years later, and the hip hop community rallied around him. Rihanna went back to him for a minute, he had a hit album, she worked with him again, and then stopped being friends with him when he was disrespectful to her on Twitter, and now? Now she’s crying over him on Oprah’s new show.

It’s three years later and she is sitting on Oprah, crying over the guy that punched her in the head. She said, “It was a weird, confusing space to be in because as angry as I was, as angry and hurt and betrayed, I just felt like he made that mistake because he needed help.’Who’s gonna help him?’ Nobody’s gonna say he needs help; everybody’s gonna say he’s a monster without looking at the source. I was more concerned about him.”

Oh, he made that mistake because he needed help … that’s why? It’s not because he’s a spoiled dickhead who has never had a repercussion for anything he’s ever done. That’s not it, that couldn’t be the reason. He needs help; poor Chris Brown needs help and your tears and your help. He split your face open, but please be worried about him. Get some self-worth and awareness, Rihanna.

This makes me so angry. I don’t get it. I don’t get why she does this. I have a theory that girls from the age 13-29 are idiots, and that must be what is going on here. I get being with a bad guy, because I’ve stayed with bad guys—though I never stayed with a guy who punched me in the head and sent me to the hospital and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t cry over that guy—but whatever.

Rihanna isn’t crying over some guy that made a mistake once and begged for her forgiveness and swore he’d never do it again. She’s crying over a guy who makes homophobic slurs, threatens to kill people, wrecked a hotel room after being asked about beating her up, and so on.

I pitched this idea with the intent of really digging in and looking at why she would behave this way, but I just can’t. The more research I did, the angrier I got. This wasn’t some domestic abuse situation where she COULDN’T leave. Rihanna is disgustingly rich and constantly surrounded by an entourage, and she could’ve gotten out at any time. And? Don’t you dare tell me this was the first time he hit her. It happened before and she let it happen and everyone around her let it happen and now she’s going on Oprah, crying about how hurt he was in all of this.

I don’t know how Chris Brown does it. I don’t know if his penis is made of gold, or he is the best con man alive but he somehow has managed to make beating the crap out of a skinny little girl and make it okay. It’s okay that some guy busted her face up? Is that right? It’s fine that this horrible, disgusting violence happened to her? What’s not okay is that he got bad press about it. It’s not okay that HE wasn’t protected. My mind is blown.

I never thought Rihanna was a good role model. Every song is about her getting railed—and that’s fine; the girl likes her sex, so do I. I mean, I don’t put it in every conversation like she does in all her songs, but that’s neither here nor there. The point I’m trying to make is there are a lot of young girls out there looking for a “rude boy” and when he hauls off and punches them in their head all they’ll hear is Rihanna saying, “He needs help … who’s going to help him?” Shame on her. And I really hope in a parallel moment that Oprah looks at her and says, “Girl, are you crazy?” because someone needs to explain that this isn’t okay, someone needs to stand up in this fight and say Chris Brown is a low as they come and he should lose everything.



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