Scientology Nightmare

The above image would be the Scientology Cross, the eight points of which represent the eight dynamics of existence. I used this screencap that I took from an episode of South Park instead because the extremely litigious Church of Scientology owns the Scientology Cross. This is the horrifying organization that intimidated and blackmailed the IRS into granting them tax-exempt status.

The Wikipedia article on Scientology is probably as good a place as any to start if you want to learn about it.

When the topic of Scientology is brought up, a lot of people talk about Lord Xenu and thetans and the strange alternate language that Scientologists use. They talk about how the Church of Scientology keeps rigid control over its members, how the Church includes a number of celebrities, how it cheats its members out of a great deal of money, and how it is creepily aggressive in taking down anything that might cast it in a negative life. People may also mention that the Church of Scientology is strongly opposed to psychiatry.

And those are good things to mention. But, let’s just talk about a few of these things.

Any religion is going to have some of its own vocabulary. The further removed from the religion that you are, the weirder that it will sound. Scientology takes this to a new level, with new terminology for everyday conversations. This is, well, deliberate—it helps to drive a wedge between Scientologists and outsiders.

Scientology has some wacky beliefs. By which I mean that Scientology’s beliefs are “out there” even in comparison to literal interpretations of creation narratives from the Abrahamic faiths or the aborigines of Australia or the Epic of Gilgamesh. But this should never be the real focus of criticism of Scientology. It is a subjective argument (again, just about every religion has some wacky beliefs held by at least some of the adherents, if not all). But the beliefs held by Scientologists are the least troubling thing about the Church of Scientology.

Yes, the Church of Scientology exercises a great deal of control over its members. This is not uncommon for organized religions that have a central hierarchy (or for small, fundamentalist groups). The Church of Scientology receiving money from its members in order to continue to be a part of the organization goes beyond tithing and really calls into question the merits of the organization’s tax-exempt status.

Yes, Scientologists are strongly opposed to psychiatry. They believe that it harms the mind and is another “trick” (like religions other than Scientology) that keeps people away from Scientology, which has the answers. And that is more than troubling, because psychiatry helps millions of people and saves lives. But not unique to Scientology—have you ever heard of someone with depression being told by a religious conservative that he or she “needs more Jesus” in his or her life? I have. That’s not the recommendation of mainstream Christians, but it happens.

But before we talk about the things that are easy to bring up—the things that make us laugh—let’s remember that just dismissively saying: “Oh, that’s a cult,” is meaningless (these days, a lot of people use “cult” for any organization that they do not like—and sometimes for things that are not even organizations).

The real problem with Scientology arises when it harms people. My absolute least favorite thing on Earth is the abuse of children (rape being an extremely close second). Scientology does that. I’m not a big fan of anti-gay sentiments, particularly when they come from people and organizations with influence. Scientology does that. No one should be controlled, isolated, or be a victim of violence or brainwashing. Scientology certainly does that.

If you are discussing Scientology, remember that it’s not its newness or its origins that make it a cause for concern. There is more to be said about the Church of Scientology than that Tom Cruise is a crazy, crazy man who says crazy things.

Remember the bad things that the Church of Scientology does that actually matter.



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Tom Cruise Just Really Needed A Girlfriend, I Guess

photo of tom cruise pictures photos
Vanity Fair special correspondent Maureen Orth recently reported a story that in 2004 the Church of Scientology embarked on a project to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend. Now, 2004 was pre-couch-jumping Cruise—did he need help finding a date? Cruise was still a pretty great catch back then …mostly because we didn’t know he was completely nuts yet.

For whatever reason, according to Orth, Scientology felt the need to help Cruise find a wife. So they set their sites on Nazanin Boniadi, an Iranian-born, London-raised actress. According to the article:

“In a month-long preparation in October 2004, she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life. Boniadi allegedly was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend.

Orth reports that in November 2004, Boniadi was flown to New York, where she met Cruise. That’s when she first sensed that this was possibly going to be an arranged marriage. For their first date Cruise and Boniadi went to dinner at Nobu with an entourage of Scientology aides, then to the skating rink at Rockefeller Center, which was closed to the public especially for them. The two spent that first night together but, according to several sources, they did not have sex. At the Trump Tower, where Cruise and the entourage had rented an entire floor, Cruise purportedly told Boniadi, “I’ve never felt this way before.” She was given a second confidentiality agreement specifically about Cruise to sign. Boniadi could tell her worried parents (her mother was also formerly a Scientologist) only that she was in New York on a special Scientology project.

Every day Boniadi spent two to three hours purging herself of “negative thoughts about Tom.” She felt completely shut off; her only source of money was a credit card issued in the name of Cruise’s production company.”

I believe it. I believe every single word of this. This is all plausible to me. THIS IS ALL PLAUSIBLE TO ME. That’s what …

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Why I Finally Have Some Respect for Katie Holmes

photo of really tall katie holmes small tom cruise pictures
When Katie Holmes started dating Tom Cruise, I was really grossed out. Then when they became engaged and she had that Scientology girl following her around all the time, I was worried for Katie. Then she was pregnant and Cruise was performing his ultrasounds on her and I had to give up. It was awful—I couldn’t handle all the stress and anxiety that came with following their celebrity relationship. Not to mention, I really do not enjoy Scientology.

I love cults, and I’m fascinated by them. Jim Jones and The People’s Temple, David Koresh and The Branch Davidians, Charles Manson and The Family; I love them all, but Scientology just never did it for me. And before anyone says “Scientology is different,” let me just say, “Shut up.” No it’s not—it’s a crazy cult and they do bad things, and the only reason it’s even as popular today as it is is because L. Ron Hubbard was smart enough to get celebrity names and …

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Spike TV Lists “7 Cutest Feminists”

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So Spike has complied a list of their interpretation of the seven cutest feminists, and I’m not sure whether to be offended or amused. I mean, this is of course the channel best known for all manner of wrestling (which, like NASCAR, is somehow considered a sport … kind of) and CSI reruns.

That said, though, I do find their choices kind of interesting. And funny. And a little bit insulting.

Anyway, from Spike, “The Top Seven Cutest Feminists”:

#7: Jennifer Baumgardner

Like most bi-sexual writers from Fargo, North Dakota, Jennifer Baumgardner has had a storied literary career focused on political equity, feminist rights, and a long-term sexual relationship with a founding member of The Indigo Girls.

Yup, the author of works such as Young Women, Feminism and the Future and Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics should definitely be known for bedding an Indigo Girl. And being cute. That’s huge.

#6: Kat Banyard

Author of The Equality Illusion and director of UK Feminista, Banyard has spent the majority of her professional life furthering the feminist cause and ensuring that women throughout England enjoy the same rights as their mildly effeminate male counterparts. (Which, judging by their national soccer team, includes the procurement of disease-free prostitutes and struggling to stay competitive in World Cup matches with Germany.)

Ouch, Spike, just … ouch.

#5: Kirsten Gillibrand (although Spike misidentifies her as “Kristen” Gillibrand)

The former Asian studies major and current New York senator is a self-described feminist who has worked tirelessly to occasionally fight for women’s rights in various political forums. During an interview with Womensrights.change.org, the former sorority girl turned tobacco defender claimed that “we’ve reached a point where women really can get elected at the highest levels of government all over the country” and “I have no doubt that we will see more women in elected office in the coming years.” (She also listed “bad breath” and “male flight attendants” as her turn-offs later in the article.)

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