You Better Twerk?

Can someone please explain “twerking” to me? I’ve seen it uses as in, “I twerk a 9-5”and “gurl, you better twerk”, and naturally I’ve seen Miley Cyrus “twerk”. So is it a job? Is it a state of mind? Is it a dance move? I’ll tell you what it’s not–it’s not a word. Guys, twerk is not a word.

Which dance move is it? Because when Miley does it—it’s just a booty pop—girls have been poppin it for years. You can’t just name it something else. Then there was a video of Selena Gomez and it was title “Selena Gomez Twerks” but she was just gyrating…and poorly.

What is a twerking? I’m so confused. Moreover I’m confused about why we would want to do it at all…why is this a thing? It’s 2013 can we be done with dance crazes? Personally, I think we should’ve been done after the Charleston—you cannot top a good Charleston, twerking does not come close.

In short—be my Google, readers—tell me what the F is a twerk?

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Boob Juice For Sale

I don’t want children. I find them–disturbing and selfish to be honest. I just have no room in my life for ‘jam hands’. That doesn’t mean I haven’t helped raise one, don’t love my nieces and nephews, or that I don’t get an opinion about them. See, the reason I can weigh in on this kind of thing even though it’s not my baby, & not my uterus, is because I do in fact have a uterus and can give birth to a baby so I get to have an opinion. I’m looking at you old, white Republican men.

So, here is my opinion on Alicia Silverstone deciding to open a boob juice shop. First quotes from Silverstone:

“Because we are a community of beautiful souls who recognize the importance of food as health, I say we help support those mamas and babies who need a hand during one of the most important times in their lives,” Silverstone wrote in her post about the milk share launch. ”If you have milk to share – post it! If you are in need of milk – post it! Think of all the babies we can help raise together!” 

“She tried reaching out in her community for donor milk, but it was almost impossible to figure out what kind of lifestyle choices the donors had made. And after all that hard work keeping herself vibrant and healthy, she felt she had a right to demand better for her baby,” Silverstone wrote. 

Alicia Silverstone is telling women to offer up their vegan breast milk so strangers can breast feed. Like a wet nurse…like an old fashioned wet nurse. There’s a reason those went out of style–it’s messed up. Look, I’m not against breast feeding. I’m pro-boob. I’m very pro-boob. It’s the swapping I don’t enjoy. Say what you will–these are bodily fluids. Strangers bodily fluids going into your baby. I don’t know–it’s not sitting right with me. How about you guys?

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Face Tattoos Mean True Love, Duh

In 2009 Rouslan Toumaniantz made headlines for tattooing a girl’s face. Remember? Kimberly Valminck said she fell asleep and Toumaniantz tattooed 56 stars onto her face.  I never bought that story. I’ve been tattooed four times and you cannot sleep during it. Even the ones that don’t really hurt still keep you awake. It came out that Valminck had lied because her dad was (rightfully) mad at her. It didn’t matter that the girl had lied, Toumaniantz was ruined and so he picked up his tattoo gun and moved back to Russia.

That’s not the end of Toumaniantz headline making ways.  While in Russia, Toumaniantz met Lesya online. They met in person and within hours were head over heels in love and Toumaniantz was up to his old tricks…tattooing her face.

Rouslan Toumaniantz tattooed his first name on his girlfriend, Lesya’s, face after less than 24 hours of knowing her. Lesya posted photos of her tattoo on her Facebook page,  she said she wants, “100% of the body covered in tattoo :) … It’s a symbol of our eternal devotion. I’d like him to tattoo every inch of my body.”

A friend of the couple said, “I know that there are people who are terrified that Lesya has made a rash decision that she’ll regret horribly, but sometimes the best decisions are the ones you make in an instant with your heart rather than the ones long-debated in your mind.”

She is eighteen and has a man’s name tattooed on her face. A man she had known for less than 24 hours. Yeah, this will be a huge regret!

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The Tea Party’s Strange Gender Politics

Sarah Palin is the original Tea Party matinee idol. Thus, her endorsements of so-called “mama grizzlies” (right wing, female politicians that are very similar to her) have usually held a great deal of sway. However, there are signs that this influence may be coming to an end. Palin supported Karen Handel, the former secretary of state, in the Georgia Republican gubernatorial primary. Handel, who was passed over by the party establishment in favor of U.S. Rep. Nathan Deal, was not relevant until she became a grizzly, but then quickly gained popularity, forcing a runoff with Deal, which she ultimately lost by only a few thousand votes. Almost immediately after the results came in, U.S. Rep. Jack Kingston, who backed Deal, felt that Palin should have stayed out of politics in his state:

“I don’t know why she feels compelled to get into primaries all over the country. But, you know, fortunately Georgia voters are doing their own thinking on things like this.”

Kingston went onto say that Palin should “butt out” and that “what she is doing is dividing the Republican Party at a time when we don’t need to be divided.” Interesting — challenging Palin is a new venture for most Republicans, but the roots of this opposition may not be merely over policy.

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