Put Down the Electronics, Revitalize Your Love Life?

photo of nook pictures photos pics
For Christmas this year, my mother got me a Nook.  She vacillated between the easy reader and one of the more advanced models, eventually going for the simpler (and cheaper, although she kindly made up the financial difference in a Barnes and Noble gift card) route.

Why?

Well, because I have an iPhone that’s pretty much my life.  I mean, that baby has a camera, camcorder, calculator, and so on, never mind the internet options.  I read the news on my iPhone.  I get e-mail and texts on my iPhone.  I keep in touch with friends, loved ones, and total strangers via Facebook and Twitter on my iPhone.  I got notified about my tax return on my iPhone.

Well, you get the idea.

And so did my mom since she decided that, between the iPhone and my laptop, there was  no earthly need to give me yet another internet-enabled device when the Simple Touch would certainly meet my needs as a book equivalent (well, almost-equivalent).

Yup, I’m definitely a card-carrying member of the “Technology Age”, and the things that have been lost along the way only bother me when I think about them.

Like now, as I’m contemplating Chicago Portfolio student Jake Reilly’s self-titled “Amish Project”, the gist of which involved dropping from the world of social networking—in other words, going without “Twitter, Facebook, e-mail, texting, and more for 90 days”.

This is a fascinating story to me, actually, namely because I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t pull it off.  (I’m one of those annoying people that inform my Facebook followers know when I wake up in the morning  and Tweet about the weather)

What I found relevant to you lovely ZL readers, though, is this: apparently, Reilly’s love life took a turn for the better that clearly coincided with his life change as he recaptured the heart of his long-term girlfriend by stamping a Christmas message into the snow outside her window.

From Yahoo News Brad Sylvester’s recent interview with Reilly:

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Tweeters Taking on Facebook … Over Women’s Rights?

Graphic of Facebook and Twitter Duking it Out
Social networking is, whether we like it or not, a part of life.

The fact that things come up on the interwebs that are just morally repugnant … well, I’ve always written it off as kind of a necessary evil, a sort of “let’s laugh at the ignorant” kind of thing.

There’s a contingency on Tweeter, however, that seems to be taking matters into their own hands.

From Women’s ENews:

Thousands of people across the globe are joining a Twitter campaign asking Facebook to remove pages that promote rape and sexual assault, Change.org said in a Nov 3 press statement. The social media action is part of an ongoing campaign on Change.org with more than 180,000 supporters. People are locating offensive Facebook pages and tweeting them with the hashtag #notfunnyfacebook to pressure Facebook to remove pages that violate the company’s terms of service. One such page title reads, “What’s 10 inches and gets girls to have sex with me? My knife.”

While I have a kneejerk reaction to jump on this bandwagon (after all, I can see myself contemplating joining a group called, say, “Herman Cain is a Sexual Predator” or something), I have some obvious reservations.

The most significant concern this raises for me is, ironically, the Constitutional right to express your beliefs, an argument more commonly espoused by the radical right as it fits their needs.

Do you sound like a freaking moron if you, as a much-maligned high school principal did last year, join a Facebook group entitled “Dear Lord, This Year You Took My Favorite Actor, Patrick Swazie (sic). You Took My Favorite Actress Farah (sic) Fawcett. You Took My Favorite Singer, Michael Jackson. I Just Wanted to Let You Know, My Favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen”?

Absolutely.

Does the First Amendment allow you the legal freedom to show your ignorance, bigotry, and blatant disrespect?

Um … yes.

The fact is, there are Facebook pages that promote all sorts of horrible things, from pedophilia to violence against women to trash-talking the size of your ex’s penis (I wish I was joking on that one, and no, I’m not a member) to how to set up a casual hook-up.

Oh, and, uh … Twitter’s not exactly immune from this sort of thing itself, as Anthony Wiener could tell you.

I’m clearly a loser … Facebook pages I belong to are generally based in literature or Star Wars. (And, to be completely upfront, I have a Twitter, too, which I love as it offers far more anonymity than Facebook)

That being said, the nature of my profession necessitates that I hold much of my personal life back in the social networking world.  Even if I—as Katie Loud the human being, not the schoolteacher currently teaching your kids allegory through George Orwell’s Animal Farm—wanted to join an anti-Herman Cain Facebook page, I wouldn’t.

It’s a matter of respect.

So while I find a lot of these pages pretty hard to take, I pretty much keep myself to myself in terms of the me that exists on Facebook.  Even if I were not in a profession held to a higher standard than most, I would make a moral, personal choice to not be mean … that’s just not who I am.

Others certainly have the right to feel differently, and I’m glad that the Twitterphiles are speaking out about their concerns.  I even agree with the moral bottom line of their argument.

I am bothered by their choice to focus on sexual assault pages on Facebook to spearhead their attack.  I am very vocal on my feelings about sexual assault, but I’m also bothered when it’s used as a rallying cry to make a point that I’m not sure I agree with.

What are your thoughts on this one?



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Tweet-a-Weiner

Photo of Anthony Weiner

The jokes about a politician named Weiner Tweeting pics of his package all over cyberspace practically write themselves, and, yeah, it’s funny as hell.  The underlying issue of the Weiner fiasco is not so funny, however.

In fact, it brings up a debate that has become increasingly common as social networking has become a way of life—namely, does cybersex fall under the “cheating” umbrella or is it on par with, say, porn?

Perhaps the biggest (I’m sorry, the puns are just unavoidable here, so bare bear with me) argument in favor of Weiner’s actions going beyond jerking off to Playboy pictorials is exemplified by his initial …

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The Changing Definition of Narcissism

Painting "Narcissus" by Michelangelo Caravaggio
While the quality of education in America has sunk ever deeper into the toilet, there’s been a correlating impression by many recent graduates that they know everything.  I realize this is not a new phenomenon—God knows that I knew way more in 1994 than I do now—but what’s fascinating to me is the way that a lot of kids in this generation kick around fifty cent words that they have a very foggy definition of (very foggy), ultimately changing the essential meaning of the word through nuance and ignorance.

Narcissism is one of those words, and it’s coming up quite a bit in terms of self-obsessed reality television stars, with Snooki from Jersey Shore going so far as telling Barbara Walters, “I think I’m fascinating.”

And so Snooki, who I’ve only read about because I rarely watch television in general and never watch reality television because I know enough people in real life that are far more interesting than idiots who transform themselves into a Barbie caricature or whatever, has become sort of the narcissism spokesperson for the “Me Generation” … but interestingly, narcissism (or narcissistic personality disorder, if you want to be precise), is reportedly on the American Psychiatric Association’s chopping block for inclusion in the psych bible Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

So does this mean that the self-obsessed are going to have to face some hard facts here?

From NPR:

In most cases there’s a difference between a clinical narcissist and one you see on TV, psychologist Keith Campbell tells NPR’s Audie Cornish.

“The thing that makes it clinical is when you go to the extreme where it’s pervasive, where it affects all aspects of your life,” says Campbell, who heads the psychology department at the University of Georgia and co-authored a book, The Narcissism Epidemic.

If you’re a clinical narcissist, he says, there’s real pathology associated with it.

“You can’t help yourself but try to get attention or seek admiration,” Campbell says. “It interferes with your life. … [I]t distorts your decision-making. It destroys your relationships.”

I know some people (not a ton, fortunately, but enough) that really fit this definition.  Most of them have very little reason to think particularly highly of themselves, which makes me think that there’s got to be some sort of legitimacy to narcissism as a mental problem.  There’s one guy I know that I can totally picture sitting and staring proudly into his reflection in a pool of water like the mythological Narcissus even as his children are hungry and his bills go unpaid.  Scary.

However, according to Dr. Campbell, narcissism is pretty much just “a manifestation of normal personality.”  If the proposed changes to the 2013 edition of DSM go through, a psych patient would instead hear about where certain traits place them on a “continuum or spectrum” where they’ll then be told, “You have high levels of traits that are associated with narcissism.”

Is the terminology really changing anything?  Is telling someone that he’s been diagnosed with a “narcissistic personality disorder” any different than telling him that he has a lot of traits on the narcissistic continuum?  I get ridiculously aggravated by things like this, where the essential underlying bottom line doesn’t change, but people have to fuck around with the wording.  It happens all the time in the education field, and sometimes it just makes me want to scream.

Especially because, in the case of narcissism—continuum narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder—the treatment (generally therapy) wouldn’t change a bit.  What Campbell is hoping for here is that societal perception of narcissism will be what changes.

And while things won’t change much for those on the couch, he says, the way we talk about narcissism in culture might.

“When this happened I went and looked at Twitter just to see what people were saying about it,” Campbell says.  “The most common response was, ‘It must be so normal now, it’s no longer a disorder.’”

And the second-most?

“‘Gee, I guess I’m OK, then’,” Campbell says. ”People see there’s narcissism everywhere, and they’re just shocked … that they’re considering getting rid of it. It’s such a perfect term for so much of what we see in society.”

Um … is it just me, or does Campbell sound about as knowledgeable as Snooki?  In a way, narcissism is a valid term for what we see in society, not just celebrities but us common folk, too … and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or a psychologist) to realize it.  However, is it really fair to give somebody a clinical diagnosis when they are merely reacting to a lifetime of being spoiled and indulged?  This is a question that’s going to be coming up a lot …

How many people are guilty of updating their Facebook status every time they take a piss or something?  My most recent Facebook update reads, “Picking up a sick first grader” because my daughter was sent home sick from school yesterday.  Does anybody care that my kid has strep?  Well, I mean, of course people care, but is there any need for me to announce this to my 500+ Facebook friends (no, I’m not cool … I just went to a big high school)?  Is there a part of me that craves those nice little “Oh, I hope she feels better soon” comments?  Probably … and thinking about that actually bothers me a lot.

Ultimately, the definition of narcissism in this day and age has to change.  With the advent of social networking sites where a lot of people chronicle their daily lives, often in real time, there’s a level of narcissism that has pretty much permeated our culture.

Thoughts?



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