I know how exciting Halloween is; it’s my favorite holiday. I know that sometimes you want to feel sexy and you want attention but I implore you …don’t dress like a hooker this Halloween. If you want to be a bumblebee—be a bumblebee … bumblebees don’t wear mini skirts. Let’s be honest, anything you dress up as this Halloween: a cat, a witch, Bo Peep, a referee, a vampire, Alice in Wonderland, that Hunger Games chick … it’s all really just a hooker in disguise, isn’t it?
Also, please don’t ever dress up as a cat and go out in public over the age of five. Why would you do that? Why would you wear a costume that actually allows people to come up and say, “nice pu**y” or “can I pet your “p***y” or any variance of that? You’re better than that. You need to know this.
And before it gets out of hand, I’m not slut-shaming. I’m not. I’m worried about you. October is an autumn month, and that’s the season that leads into winter. That means it’s cold (because we live north of the equator) and you shouldn’t be wearing less fabric than a washcloth. You don’t need to be a sexy criminal, a sexy Santa, or a sexy mad hatter to get noticed. If you really want to get noticed, wear pants. Trust me, this works. I wear pants every Halloween and everyone notices me. I stick out like a sore thumb.
Really, Halloween has grown and evolved into a scary holiday to include ghosts, ghouls, goblins, demons, witches etc. None of that should be sexy, because sexy is not scary. Halloween is made to scare, and the only thing scary about you is the fact that you will very probably contract HPV or herpes that night. Stop trying to turn Halloween into a whorish holiday. I won’t let it happen. I won’t stand for it. You can dress like Courtney Stodden any other day of the year and I won’t say a word (to your face) but not on Halloween. Unless you are going as Courtney Stodden (though it’s in poor taste to go as a victim of child molestation), then there’s no excuse. Although, come to think of it, she is terrifying so I guess that could be your loophole.
Think about it.