Rejoice: Antibiotics-Resistant Gonorrhea Is Here

photo of gonorrhea pictures
You guys, an “incurable” strain of gonorrhea has now been confirmed in North America and everything is the worst. This strain might as well be called slutsbane.

I mean, ugh. HIV is basically incurable and it’s awful, but HIV is not actually all that easy to transmit. Gonorrhea, on the other hand, can easily be transmitted orally. I do not, to my knowledge, know any guy who wears a condom while receiving oral sex or any guy or girl who insists that his or her partner wear a condom before performing the deed (we all learned as children on Halloween to never put anything in our mouth that’s in a wrapper).

So, this is awful. And for those of us who live in the real world and aren’t in the magical eternal long-lasting fairy-tale monogamous romances* of which Taylor Swift dreams each night, this is bad. Particularly in a world in which there are still schools that teach an abstinence-only curriculum. It’s ridiculous—it’s what I had in high school health class. I half expected Driver’s Ed to just be: “Never drive or ride in a car or be near cars or places where cars might be and you’ll be safe from vehicular collisions.”

I mean, people who get into car accidents are in traffic with a lot of other cars; it was just a matter of time before something bad happened. Those sluts.

Now, this strain is not truly incurable, but “nuking” someone with antibiotics is how we got into this quasi-supervirus** situation in the first place. It’s not a real solution.

This is not just a situation in which people who use Craigslist to hook up need to worry. Gonorrhea can, in some situations, be transmitted by kissing. I imagine that, like, church socials aren’t like this, but at most parties (other than, say, most LAN parties), everyone kisses everyone. The best of human behaviors are sometimes good for insidious and infectious microorganisms.

You guys, this is awful. Someone please cure all STIs forever. If I got an incurable STI I would just balloon up to 500 pounds because, well, why not? Let’s not do that.

 

*I know that I’m super negative about relationships, but they’re super ridiculous. A television character said: “He’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep.” I was like: “Really? Last night, as I went to sleep, I thought about what it would be like to have Rumpelstiltskin-from-Once-Upon-A-Time‘s powers during a zombie apocalypse. Your thoughts sound lame.”

**Oh man, the word supervirus, which isn’t really accurate here (gonorrhea is caused by bacteria), totally makes me want to rewatch ReBoot. Remember ReBoot? It’s way better than you think. Like, the first season is goofy and what you’d expect from a kid’s show. The second season gets super intense towards the end. The third season is one of the darkest seasons of any show that I have ever seen. The first primary antagonist in the fourth and final season is a supervirus named Daemon who is symbolic, in some ways, of Christianity.



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Other Uses For Sperm Besides Baby-Making

photo of sperm pictures
Gordon Gallup is called Mr. Sperm because he spends most of his time researching it. Everyone knows that sperm makes babies (and messes), but as it turns out, it has a lot of amazing abilities. For one, it can cure morning sickness, which is a fair trade since it helps cause morning sickness. But quelling your vomit is only one of the many things sperm can do, and after reading this list, you might not be so adverse using your boyfriend’s baby batter for things other than a baby.

1—It’s a mood booster: when absorbed through the vagina, sperm can act as a mood enhancer (duh).

2—You can cook with it: we all know it’s a good source of protein (how many here have heard that line, har har har) but according to Fotie Photoenhauer (really with that name?), “… semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.” That’s the quote comes from the back of the cookbook Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. And LOL! on it being “inexpensive to produce” and “available in many … homes and restaurants.”

3—Skincare: easy with the jokes on this one. There are a lot of companies that use sperm because it supposedly contains a powerful antioxidant. And I’ll leave it at that … a facial! Sorry … I couldn’t help myself.

4—Invisible Ink: a British Secret Intelligence Service member during World War I wrote in his diary, “The best invisible ink is semen,” because it “… would not react to iodine vapors.” I do not buy this one bit. Not one single bit.

5—It promotes sexual maturity: In some cultures, younger boys will drink the sperm of the elders in order to encourage their own production. GROSS, dear God.

Look, making babies, and mood-boosting I get—I’ve seen these things at work, but slathering semen on my skin (on purpose) or putting it in my pasta? Ugh! You can just forget it. Guys, you’re never going to convince girls that don’t like to go down south to play with the stuff or favor it until you can figure out how to make it taste like butterscotch budino, chocolate, or their favorite cocktail. Get to the research on that and you’ll get a trophy filled with semen!



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In the Future, We Will Be Able to Diagnose Ourselves With STIs on Our Cell Phones

photos of cell phones pictures blackberries

Hmm. Interesting.

I’m always wary of stuff like this, but this sounds like it could be promising.

Apparently, doctors and technology experts are working to develop small devices that will be able to home-diagnose a number of STIs. They will be similar to pregnancy testing kits in that an individual will put …

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Remember That New HIV Prevention Gel? Well, We Might Not Be Seeing it Anytime Soon.

photo of vaginal microbicide gel to prevent aids in women pictures

In my time thus far at Zelda Lily, I’ve written a good amount of articles having to do with the HIV/AIDS epidemic in developing countries. In recent months, you may have noticed mention of excitement over a preventative gel for female-bodied individuals that could reduce transmission of HIV by up to fifty-four percent. The gel is not only an extremely promising medication, but also one that puts the power of prevention into the hands of women, who up to this point have been almost powerlessly at risk for infection.

Obviously this gel is not an all out solution to the HIV epidemic, but its high success rate and potential for wide spread availability throughout at-risk areas is extremely exciting — especially since researchers have been working for decades to find a microbicidal to fight HIV. You’d think that everyone across the world would be rejoicing at the discovery, and pushing each other out of the way to jump on the sure-to-be-lucrative bandwagon.

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