Mainstream American Women’s magazines are the bane of my existence. They are truly horrendous and possibly the most ridiculous source of asinine information EVER. That being said, it comes as absolutely no surprise to me that in this months’ edition of Glamour magazine, they tackle the ever-so-important male “body quirks.” And when they say …
If you are hooking up with someone that reads Men’s Health magazine, be alarmed — very, very alarmed. And not just because their magazine is notoriously misogynistic but because — brace yourselves — they are now offering a list of ”33 Simple Sex Tips to Turn Her On.” And on a side note, is anyone else as perplexed as I am why they stopped at an odd number like 33? Were they too lazy to get to 35 or was it a lack of creativity? Regardless, the list is fantastic in a really horrible way. Their 33 “tips” are so completely:
This article may have been one of the most unintentionally side-splitting reads of my LIFE — iIt ranks right up there with the outdated Sex Ed. pamphlet I was given at age 11 by my polyester-pant-loving gym teacher. The one that warned of what the “sinful” masturbation habit can become and the evils of sleeping around. Yep. That guy.
I’m going to place the most asinine tips (which were tough to narrow because they were all pretty terrible) in the following categories:
Terribly Stupid Advice and Terribly Misogynistic advice. Let’s start with the stupid, shall we?
Topping off this list is Tip #1: Buy Her a Silk Thong
A gift of lingerie is clichéd, right? So twist it. Give it to her when you (seemingly) don’t expect sex right then and there. Pass it under the table at a restaurant and ask her to go to the ladies’ room and change into it. “It’s a little naughty, but she has a chance to play back,” says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a relationship therapist in Seattle. Not recommended for a first date.
Really, Men’s Health, this is the tip you choose to open your ridiculous list with? Silk panties! First off, I am offended by your lack of out of the box thinking (no pun intended … OK, you caught me; pun intended) and more importantly, the stupidity behind this tip. Are we living in a poorly lit soft-core porn flick?