Kim and Kanye are Just Like Jesus

Everyone who reads this blog knows my feeling on Kim and Kanye but they have really done it this time. Kim and Kanye went to Rio on vacation—I don’t know what they need a vacation from, their lives are a vacation for Christ’s sake. They go to Rio and they do the touristy thing and visit the famous Christ the Redeemer statue. That’s fine, that’s normal. I’ve seen Jim Carrey visiting that statue and posting his pics on Twitter with a big beautiful smile. I have a friend from Rio and she post pics of she and her husband standing underneath Christ’s open arms. These are normal shots. But apparently Kim and Kanye are better than normal people.

They go to the Christ the Redeemer statue and they don’t smile up at him in their shot, they don’t stand under him…they pose like him. They posed as Jesus Christ. Yup, that happened. They stood there, arms outstretched, blessing all of Rio because well—they’re Kim and Kanye and have no respect for anything. There Kim stands, knocked up out of wedlock posing as Christ. C’mon!

Even the people standing around them don’t follow suit. No one looked at that pose and thought “haha that’s funny I’m gonna do it to”. Nope. Not-a-one. We all know they both have a huge God complex but this is just too much. They’re too much—and they’re breeding. I can’t take it. Can’t we ban them? Can’t we punish them or something? Can’t someone knock them off their pedestals (which they have no reason to be on anyway!?) What is happening in the world?!
You know, God, Jesus, Mary, Christ, Holy Ghost, St. Peter WHOMEVER! This was a missed opportunity for some smiting. Prime smiting position these two were in and nothing…not a thing. Ugh. I just hate wasted opportunities.

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Day Three in Celebrity Rants: Justin Bieber is Rude

photo of justin bieber pictures
Justin Bieber is worth 110 million dollars. Justin Bieber is eighteen years old. Justin Bieber has had sex with Selena Gomez. Justin Bieber drives a car called a Fisker Karma worth over 100,000 dollars and it’s covered in chrome. Justin Bieber turned a Cadillac into a Batmobile. Justin Bieber bought a 10.8 million dollar house on his eighteenth birthday. I can name two Bieber songs, that “Baby” one and the “Boyfriend” one. I have no freaking idea how he has everything he has. I do know a guy that totally hooked up with his mom, though.

Justin Bieber is another perfect depiction of what is wrong with the world. He’s not Chris Brown (yet), but he’s still an arrogant, self satisfied, insufferable jerk face with negligible talent. I’m not saying he can’t sing, I’m saying he can’t sing well enough to be worth 110 million dollars. But all of that aside, my issue with Bieber this week is that he is a disrespectful little brat. Remember when he had that 911 chase? Where he caused really dangerous driving conditions on a freeway to get rid of a paparazzi? Yes, the paparazzi was wrong for chasing, but Bieber was also wrong for going well over 90 miles an hour on a California freeway. I don’t even know how you manage to do that … I can never break 70, it’s so permanently gridlocked. Bieber is in this high-speed chase and he calls 911 to report the paparazzi, when the operator asks what kind of car he’s driving he tells her “a Fisker”, when the operator response with “A what?” Bieber responds in the most condescending teenage voice, “UHHH FISSS-K-ERRRRR”. I’m sorry Justin Bieber, every day people with real jobs don’t know what a f-cking Fisker is, how about you not talk down to 911 operators and just focus on hitting your falsetto before your balls drop, eh?

His latest foray into being disrespectful, however, comes in the form of overalls. Bieber was meeting Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, to receive the Diamond Jubilee Medal earlier last week. I will restrain myself from ranting about how Justin Bieber doesn’t deserve a medal for anything since he owns “UHHH FISSS-K-ERRRRR” which is a giant freaking medal, if you ask me, and talk about the fact that he wore overalls to meet his Prime Minister. Yup, the Biebs is Canadian, and he was honored by the leader of his country, and he wore one strap painter’s overalls, and a backwards cap. Then the he Tweeted: “I met the Prime Minister in overalls lol. I hope you hate my style.”

Lol! Yeah it is laughable; you’re freaking laughable, Bieber! You cannot stand in front of a head of state in overalls. You cannot stand anywhere over the age of two in overalls. Bieber’s excuse was he “came right from a show and didn’t have time to change”. Really? You were never in a car? You can change in a car. Wait a minute, that means he didn’t shower either, that means you met the head of your country smelling like a disgusting teenager in overalls. How gross. Show some respect. Look, I know I probably sound like Walter Matthau from Grumpy Old Men here, but I don’t care because deep down I believe that I am Max Goldman and both films were based on my life, and I’m not wrong. It’s rude.

Justin Bieber. He’s rude, OK?

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