Tag Archives: parenting

A New Normal

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The term “stay at home Dad” still has some stigma around it. I bet your ears perked up. It’s still uncommon with only four percent of stay at home parents being men. Now, that’s an official number but actual stay at home dad’s say that number is much higher.

Stay at home dad’s talk a lot about how they seem to be a novelty. People in grocery stores stop and stare at a man with a baby strapped to him grocery shopping during the day. Thinking it’s probably his day off—not his daily routine.  People smile and point at the dad at the park but pay no mind to the mom’s around him. That’s the mom’s role, right?

The story of one stay at home dad in particular is all too common. They didn’t start out this way—dad lost his job and to save money on childcare he stayed home. That’s when they noticed that their son was less tense, happier, listened better, less fighting and yelling in the home—clearly this was a winning formula. This particular stay at home dad also said he was stopped one day while walking with his boys. A car pulled up and rolled down it’s window to reveal a college kid. He smiled and said, “You know, I wish my dad played with me as much as you play with your kids.”

Dad’s always seem to be this untouchable, authoritative figure.  “Wait till your father hears about this!” That phrase strikes fear in the hearts of millions. Dad is the disciplinary—the worker, the guy that gets the big piece of chicken—he doesn’t make the chicken…until now

Kids benefit from having a parent home. This we know. I wonder if it makes a difference that the one that’s home is the one that is the rough and tumble one? They think, you can always pull one over on mom—just bat your eyes at her and she’ll swoon on your charms. I remember my nephew throwing a fit over some snack he wanted that my mother had refused him. You would’ve thought that this kid was being tortured at Gitmo the way he screamed.  She gave in and as he walked past me he very calmly stated “works every time”.

My nephew doesn’t pull that stunt with me—mainly because I’m one of the father figures in his world.  He grew up with my parents and me. My dad and I are the only masculine figures my nephew knows. Whenever he draws his family I am the only girl in pants and I always stand with my dad while his mother and my mother are in pinks and oranges in pretty dresses to the left. My dad and I are in blues and greens to the right. That’s fine, I’m more of a guy’s girl anyway—but it got me thinking—how different my nephew would behave if I was his stay at home parent.

The four percent figure I stated earlier is double what it was a decade ago. This trend is growing and all I can say is: “GROW BABY GROW!” We need more dad’s at home. We need more families to see that it doesn’t matter who “brings home the bacon”. People are people and families are families no matter the dynamic.



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We’re Still Trying To Ban Books?

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One of the greatest books I have ever read is “The Diary of Anne Frank”. That book wrecks me. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Anne Frank. When Justin Bieber went to The Anne Frank house and wrote:Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” I wanted to rip him apart (more than I normally do). Then the pictures of him shadow boxing and wearing a hoodie and sunglasses in her house surfaced and I wanted him to be waterboarded and tortured.

That’s how much this girl and that book means to me. It means that much to a lot of people. That book is an inside look at the torture that someone experienced during one of the darkest times in our world’s history and it’s told with the purity of a child.

Gail Horalek of Northville, Michigan has declared war on this piece of history. Horalek wants the book banned. ”The problem is the school is giving the seventh graders inappropriate material and not explaining it to the parents.”

Horalek is talking about the unedited definitive edition of the book. At first Horalek said she thought it was “awesome” that her daughter was doing a school project on the book until her daughter told her the  ”graphic passages” were making her “uncomfortable.” Firstly, no 12-year-old is going to use the phrase “graphic passages” and I highly doubt she’d say “uncomfortable”.

This is the passage the mother is objecting to:

“Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn’t realize there was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn’t see them. What’s even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris…When you’re standing up, all you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when you’re standing, so you can’t see what’s inside. They separate when you sit down and they’re very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer labia, there’s a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That’s the clitoris.”

She is objecting to a 12-year-old reading the word labia, clitoris, and vagina. I do believe I had to watch a “changing bodies” video when I was ten. I knew all of that language earlier than that….you know why? Cause I have a vagina and I explored it like an other young girl. That’s right–girl’s play with their vagina’s. I guarentee that this girl has touched her vagina and is well aware of the two sets of lips, the and the location of the clitoris. I’m sure some of her friends have even had sex or given head at that age. When I was in middle school in MICHIGAN in the mid 90′s two girls age 11 and 12 were pregnant.

Sorry, mom you can’t save your little girl from knowing about her vagina. You also can’t burn books. I thought we got over banning and burning books. I thought we evolved passed that. But I guess Michigan, the state I grew up in, is a little behind in the times.

Horalek is demanding that the school go back to teaching from the older, edited version of the book that doesn’t include the uncomfortable passages. You know what else is really uncomfortable? The fact that a young girl had to hide in her attic to try and escape being murdered for her religion. Know what else is uncomfortable? The way the book abruptly ends because she was found and sent to a concentration camp where she died along with 6 million others.That’s really uncomfortable.

Maybe we should worry about things that are really hurting our children.



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Farrah Abraham, Please Go Away.

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There is no shortage of bad role models out there for women but I have to say I think the “women” of Teen Mom should be…well should be out of my daily news feed. I can’t believe we celebrate and pay teen mothers for horrible decisions. They should be cautionary tales not ratings!

The worst offender of this is Farrah Abraham, that’s her holding hands with James Deen. I don’t watch the show but a good friend does and from what I can gather of seeing Farrah in my daily news…she’s a wreck. I know she’s not a good mother, I know she spent her money on plastic surgery; I know she tried waxing her three-year-old’s eyebrows and the latest is she’s done porn.

I don’t give a rats butt about porn, if this woman wants to be a porn star that’s her business. I know plenty of people who work in that industry and not all of them are Jenna Jameson addicts with rage issues. Some are quite well balanced and good parents.

Anyway, Farrah does an X-rated film with the top porn star of the day: James Deen. I’ve written about Deen before and I’ve watched his films. Turns out he’s a super sweet guy, comes from a good family, and doesn’t get caught up in drama (see the wonderful Canyons expose in the NYTimes). So, Farrah does this porn and doesn’t want to talk about it unless you’re willing to buy it for two million dollars (my-my-my don’t we think highly of ourselves). But Deen doesn’t care so he tells TMZ that yeah, they made porn and she’s a sweet girl.

Like the class act she is Farrah pins it all on him saying, “I don’t have good things to say about him so I don’t think I should talk about it.” “He was being disrespectful to a woman and I think things have gone to his head and he wasn’t getting any attention. So he should get out of the public eye because he’s not a good person” (this was said because he called her out on making a porn for attention and let the cat out of the bag that they had sex on tape).  “He’s a user”. Oh…he’s a user? Riiiiight. “I just want my privacy back.” Which is why she made a sex tape… “I don’t need to talk negatively about someone because I don’t have anything nice to say. He should really get out of the porn industry because things have gone to his head, he does not respect women….his penis is small.” So, you don’t need to talk negatively—but you will and then you’ll say his has a small dick. You’re saying a porn star…the leading porn star in the industry—in your opinion has a small penis…gurl….go home.

When asked if she liked the tape she said “I personally hired people to do that, it’s like a wedding video. You expect your video to be good not bad”. WTF?!?!? She goes on to say how shocked she is that he was unprofessional by admitting they made a porn. At this point her mother jumps in saying that he, Deen, was trying to exploit and disgrace their whole family, this from the woman whose daughter is the star of two seasons of Teen Mom. She also doesn’t think Farrah knew they were making a video….even though her daughter just said she hired people to make a video.

These people…you know it’s a pretty sad day when the porn star is the classiest person in your triangle. To keep things classy Farrah posted this video of her showing how she uses a breathalyzer to start her car…classy.



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Not Your Life, Not Your Soul

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I’ve talked about this before—this being the religious rights of young children and infants. Circumcision, where it is not medically necessary (in most cases, it is not), should not be practiced upon infants or upon children too young to give informed consent (if you’re too young to have a say in which parent should have custody of you in a divorce, you’re too young to consent to minor elective surgery).

And I have mentioned that infant baptism is creepy as hell. And please do not misunderstand my meaning—if you are fifteen or twenty and you decide that you are a Christian and want to dedicate yourself to whichever denomination of that faith, more power to you. Get baptized. If you decide on Judaism or Islam, then, by all means, get circumcised. At such a time as you are capable of making that decision for yourself.

I understand the mechanics of baptism—which, depending upon the denomination or the family, ranges from a pledge by the family to raise the infant as a Christian to claiming the child’s soul for the Christian God to divinely cleansing the infant of spiritual evil (sin) believed to be inherent to all humans. As with all religious rites, some members of faith communities treat these as expected social events and give them no more thought than one would a bridal shower, while others hold baptism and other early religious rites as being of vital spiritual importance—as well as mandatory.

Please stop it. Like the title says—it’s not your life. It’s not your soul. This extends beyond infancy and early childhood. If you are a Christian and your thirteen-year-old wants to start reading about Theravada Buddhism or another denomination of Christianity or otherwise does not believe what you do—that’s normal.

Adolescence is a standard time for children to begin striking out on their own in small ways—questioning the political views of their parents, seeking alternative activities ( Like the cliche: “But you love football.” “No, dad. You love football! I like ballet!”), discovering where they fit in socially, and very likely reconsidering their religious beliefs. Atheists may take up an interest in Jesus. Reform Jews may look into Orthodox Judaism. Agnostics may start reading about contemporary Paganism.

It’s called being in high school. Students are more open about it in larger schools, when greater diversity makes them feel more comfortable being honest with themselves (my school had about a dozen Pagan students and you were likely to have an openly LGBT classmate in every class, especially by senior year—but, in college, I met people who never met a non-Christian until high school).

It’s also called growing up.

If you’re a Methodist and you are worried that your child may leave the church because he or she is reading about Buddhism in his or her free time, relax. Sometimes, students just read about their friends’ beliefs, or for school projects. And sometimes looking at other faiths can help you to put your own into perspective—and to strengthen your preexisting beliefs. Faith is not worth anything if it cannot be challenged.

Now, in some religions (namely, the Abrahamic religions), being outside of the faith is believed to have severe consequences—beyond simply making one’s parents uncomfortable. I’m a Pagan. Specifically, an eclectic Revivalist. If my child became a Buddhist or an atheist or a Christian, my response would be mild, mostly silent, disappointment. I would much prefer that to a child who did sports, dangerous drugs, or worse, was an otherkin. That’s it. I would never raise my child to be a member of my faith. I would not withhold affection or financial support or dangle incentives in the hopes of getting a hollow admission of adherence.

Why? Because, in any religion, accepting a label and having genuine belief and devotion are radically different. Going through the motions without true belief is completely meaningless.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Your children are not equines—in this metaphor, you can recommend your favorite drinking spots and watch them figure it out for themselves. That way, if they choose the same one that you chose, whether they are in middle school or college or later in adulthood, it will actually mean something.

(Christians are certainly taking notice of drops in church attendance and religious adherence among their children who go to college and, for the first time, find that they have a choice. Give them a choice earlier on, and they’re more likely to make one that will make you happy. Even if they make another choice, it will still be their choice.)



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