It Pays To Be Stupid


I’ve worked as a freelance writer and I’ve hired freelancers. I remember when I worked as an editor, I was interviewing a writer that said “I get a dollar a word” both my co-editor and I muted the phone because we couldn’t help but laugh—a dollar a word? That’s insane! Normally, when freelancing you’ll get a flat rate sometimes it’s as little as $10.00 an article or as high as $400. Now, if you’re getting $400 you are at the top of your game for a freelancer, you have demonstrated that you can get top interviews—I’m talking Tom Hanks not some new actor off the plane starring in local theater. You’ve also probably had positions as a staff writer somewhere like the New York Times or have written a book … basically you’re independently famous and can cash in on your name.

Last Sunday on the latest episode of ‘Girls’, the character of Hannah* got offered $200.00 for her first published article ever. I rolled my eyes at this because it’s complete bullshit. It reminded me of the time on ‘Sex and the City’ where Carrie Bradshaw proudly proclaimed “I’ve been offered four dollars a word at Vogue.” I laughed at that too. Carrie Bradshaw, who writes a small sex column for a no-name paper, would not get four freaking dollars a word at Vogue. Nonsense! I laughed and laughed at these fictional characters with their amazing apartments and designer clothes in New York working as freelancers…hahahah! Fake people on T.V are so silly. Then I got a hard dose of reality.

Sarah Palin is out at Fox. They dumped her. The first smart thing Fox has done in decades. Naturally, Smart Politics decided to calculate how much it cost Fox to have Palin. They looked at her three-year contract in which she made one million dollars a year and broke it down with how many words she spoke for the network. We heard 189,221 words from Sarah Palin. She appeared about once a week. That mean she was paid about $15.81 per word spoken. Sarah Palin was paid almost $16.00 per word. I’m sorry…but that airhead with absolutely no credibility as a journalist, politician, or even human being at this point is not worth five cents a word let alone $16.00!

Want to feel even sicker? Palin said,  “You betcha” twice, “Amen” 111 times, “God” 57 times, “Moses” three times, and “Jesus” just once—that’s almost three grand right there. Go back to busting your ass at your nine to five where you pay up to 15% in taxes per pay check and try not to scream over the fact that if you just could’ve been the one chosen to ruin a Presidential campaign –you too could’ve been paid one million dollars a year to be a moron.

*Hannah’s character is entitled and self centered and that’s the point. Lena Dunham wrote this character and is someone who has had her career handed to her on her parents good name so I understand why she wouldn’t know that you actually have to work for things in order to make a lot of money instead of just saying “gimme”.



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The Brant Boys Suck

I read an article about the Brant Brothers on Gawker a while back and it still haunts me. Vanity Fair profiled these pretentious, spoiled little sh*ts in September of 2012, and God I wish they hadn’t. I could’ve lived my entire life never knowing these things exist.

The sons of mogul Peter Brant Sr. and supermodel Stephanie Seymour are—I’m convinced—devils. Peter is 18 and Harry is 15 and they say things like this (quoted from the New York Times interview they did earlier in the summer of 2012):

  • “I might be gay,” he now tells Sales. “I’m both, kind of, a little bit….” “I do both, and, you know, I’m cool with everything. I don’t like to be defined. I personally don’t think that you can be. I’m undefinable.”
  • “From now on when people ask me what I ‘do’ I’m just gonna say icon,” 15-year-old Harry wrote recently on the boys’ joint Twitter feed.
  • Speaking about Suri Cruise: “And it’s all coming from her,” Harry remarks. “She’s always got some ‘do. I love her hair.” “Clearly she’s just an awesome person,” Peter agrees. “And she always has some, like, sassy frog slippers.” Harry continues, “And, like, jammies in the restaurant.” Or as Peter remembers, “Didn’t she have some ladybug boots? I was like, I need those.”

Kill me. Kill me now. This is horrible. Why? Why do I give a crap about these douchebags? I don’t, but I know about them and since I don’t like to suffer alone now you know about them. I really can’t figure out why this country is so obsessed with celebrity. They’re just people with more money and a better life than you. Are we so masochistic in this country that we have to rub our own noses in thing we don’t have? I don’t know anymore…now if you’ll excuse me I have to go prowl the Richkidsofinstagram tumblr and cry while I count 34 Dom Perignon bottles floating in an indoor pool. That’s a year’s rent.



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What Makes You Happy?

photo of food is happiness pics
This post isn’t about ABC’s Once Upon A Time series, but a lot of that Disney-influenced fairytale show revolves around people pursuing their own happiness (which, in some cases, means destroying that of those who have wronged them). And that show, among other things, definitely has me wondering about different people’s definitions of happiness, and what sources they find for it.

Plus, you know, happiness is kind of integral to human existence.

And there are a lot of different types of happiness.

For example, there is a sort of happiness that comes from hate. I don’t mean the angry, raging sort of hatred. And I do not mean bigotry. I mean a calm and pure hatred for an evil person who has grievously wronged you to such a degree that you can only imagine what your life would be like if you had never encountered that person. A cold hatred of sufficient intensity is such a sweet and satisfying sensation that it is almost an ecstatic experience. One can only imagine (legally, anyway) how satisfying it would be to erase the object of one’s hatred from existence.

Some people come from a different line of thinking, and believe that true happiness comes from forgiveness—from letting go of that hatred. These are probably the sorts of people who don’t cope with the world by fantasizing about murder (like, is there any other way to read about Chris Brown or Michael Vick or Casey Anthony and stay sane?). Personally, I don’t know how they …

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Women and Men (Men Are Dumb, But They Think Women Are Instead)

photo of men and women pictures
There’s an article about how men are stupid spenders when women are around. And I can attest to this. I can’t count how many times I’ve come home to the newest high tech gadgets (that we don’t need), updates to systems, new toys, dog toys, etc. When he tells me he’s going to Sears or Guitar Center, I know to mentally deduct at least $300 from his bank account.

When we first met, I quickly found out that he never checks his bank balance. Never. He never knows off the top of his head how much money he has. This blew my mind, because I constantly know my bank balance and I even know how to hide money from myself to make sure I never get one of those terrifying “your account balance is low” emails.

According to the article, men spend to get women. The study was done in cities that have a higher male population than female. So men throw their money around as a way to increase their mating efforts. They buy you the designer shoes, they pay for dinner, they buy rounds of drinks and that should make you swoon. Once you’ve swooned you take over the checkbook. Makes sense, right? (Though they then complain about it, but that’s a story for another day.)

My friend Zack put it best. We were discussing how difficult girls can be and he said, “Yeah, but you keep us from living in our own filth, so that’s good.” Then I read this article and I realized he’s right and it proves the bigger picture.

A lot of my guy friends say, “Monogamy isn’t natural” or “relationships aren’t natural”. These are my single guy friends. My married or committed guy friends all say relationships are hard but worth it. I can’t tell you how many of my guy friends turned into thoughtful, productive, successful people because of the woman they ended up with.

I go back to yet another thing Zack told me (he’s single, ladies), “When a girl shines her sunlight on you there’s nothing better in the world.”  Look guys, you can talk all big and bad, you can be tough and heartless, and you can pretend you don’t need anybody but without us … you are all lost. Just admit it already, OK?



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