It’s Not An Affair…It’s Love

The title of this piece is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard for being selfish. “It’s not an affair, we’re in love”, no you’re just unable to control your biological urges you’re no better than an animal, apologize for setting back our evolution. I

Saying this is just another way of saying “I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault”. That’s not a real apology…and neither is this nonsense that Rielle Hunter, ex-mistress of John Edwards, is touting as a public apology. Hunter wrote a piece for Huffington Post saying:

“I am very sorry for my wrong, selfish behavior. Back in 2006, I did not think about the scope of my actions, how my falling in love with John Edwards, and acting on that love, could hurt so many people. I hurt Elizabeth and her kids. I hurt her family. I hurt John’s family. I hurt people that knew Elizabeth. I hurt people who didn’t know Elizabeth but loved her from afar. I hurt people who gave their hard earned dollars to a campaign — a cause they believed in. I hurt people who are married and believe in marriage.”

So, it was love that she was acting on? Not lust? Not attraction? Not greed? Cause I’m pretty sure she made a pretty penny off of this affair. She wrote a book…and oh, by the way this apology came while promoting said book.

“I fell in love with John Edwards and wanted to be with him and that desire trumped everything else. And then instead of apologizing when I should have, I went on to hurt more people by writing a book,”

She forgot to add, “and continue to hurt her surviving friends and family by putting a death grip on my 15 minutes of fame. “One of my favorite quotes is this one:

“My publisher came up with the idea of me going through my book and annotating all of my regrets and mistakes,”

Maybe that’s because your book is selling for $1.77 on Amazon and they needed another PR scheme.

This woman is selfish and disgusting. I’m so sick of people who have affairs claiming it was “love” no it was your hormones and if 13-year-old kids are expected to control them than so should middle aged adults.

Take some responsibility for your actions.

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A Victory For Marriage Equality And A Long Road Ahead

The historic Supreme Court decision last week to overturn the ironically named Defense Of Marriage Act was a significant win for human rights. While it does not exactly bring marriage equality to the entire US, the ruling does set a wonderful human rights precedent. It will also have a very real impact on a lot of married couples who will now have the federal government recognize their spousal rights . . . if they are legally married within an equality state.

Unfortunately, while the number of Marriage States is still growing, the majority of the states are still dragging their heels. That includes my state, where same-sex marriage is still off the table. The knowledge that things will get better is only a small comfort, since there are people being denied their fundamental rights right now.

Still, this is a win. DOMA is dead, and couples all over the country will benefit, even if many of those benefits are mundane things—like filing taxes jointly.

The Supreme Court made a narrow ruling on Prop 8 (California’s now-dead ban on same-sex marriage), ruling that the case technically should not have come before them rather than ruling that they found fault with a voter referendum on whether or not fellow American citizens get all of their rights or not. It seems like a distant victory to many of us, but California is a populous state and people can resume having their rights to legally recognized marriages.

Which is really wonderful. Both were, for many Americans, largely symbolic victories. But while the Obama administration figures out exactly how to best recognize marriages on a federal level (there’s a lot involved and they’ll have to figure out how some things work), we’re all celebrating—and we should. Because this was a good thing. And we should celebrate now, because we have a lot more civil rights ground to cover for the LGBT community.

Also, here’s my favorite response to the ruling, which came from Logo’s own blog on Tumblr (as a gifset, but I’ve screencapped it to show you, here). It’s just . . . perfect.

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I Think I Understand Weddings

A few years ago two of my friends got married. I’d know them the longest out of everyone and so, when they tied the knot I thought, “Okay—so this is over.” I thought that my “everyone I know is getting married” phase was done. I mean, it made sense—these were the two people that meant more to me than anyone else and they got married so whatever—it’s done.
I didn’t think that two years later I would be inundated with weddings and marriage. I never thought it would bother me since I have no interest in getting married. I always thought that marriage was outdated and a waste of money. I thought it would be way too much to do and I would just be stressed and hate it and it’s all over in a day anyway. So I didn’t want marriage, until now—kinda…I guess.
I have been following the planning of at least three weddings and I think I get it. I think I understand why people do this. I’ll watch a girl getting ready at a hair salon and I’ll think, “She must feel so excited. I’m never going to feel that.” Then I remind myself that is not a reason to spend $40,000. Any excitement I would feel at getting ready would be diminished by the fact that I am spending a boatload of cash for a day.
Then there’s this other part of me that thinks, “there is so much love there”. There is one wedding in particular that anytime I saw an event, bachelorette/bachelor party, wedding planning, rehearsal dinner, and the like, anytime I saw these things it was so full of love and happiness. These people were head over ass for each other and everyone involved was so happy to celebrate that love. They were so excited to see these two people get married. That’s when it hit me. That’s what a wedding is. It’s not about a dress, or a party, or how much money you spend. It’s about finding a perfect partner and celebrating that with everyone you love. It’s about solidifying yourselves as a family.
I can’t believe I get weddings. I can’t believe I turned into that girl. Man, I hope in two years I don’t start understanding having kids. I cannot start understanding “jam-hands” and snotty noses and lifelong commitments to keeping another human being alive and safe.
What are some things that you thought you would never want that as you got older you started to understand? Please leave it in the comments so I don’t feel like a such a traitor to myself.

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The Modern Fairytale

Weddings have taken many forms and purposes across human existence. For a great period of time, weddings were primarily an exchange of a daughter as a valuable good. In other times, the daughter is something that needed to be unloaded and taken as a bribe with a dowry.

A slightly more modern perspective houses the now classic fairytales as inspiration. Allusions are often made to the cartoon versions of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and the like. Whether or not the lady started out as a Princess or merely ended up as one, there is always a wonderful love story and a fabulous wedding to go along with it. Many a girl now laments “Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about love!” After all, it is a Facebook group.

It is now nearly an American standard to spend about $30,000 on a wedding. The wedding ceremony and reception are the pinnacle of love and romance for the fairytale achievement. It is evem common to plan your wedding on Pinterest- whether you are in a relationship currently or not.

TLC hosts multiple shows about finding the perfect wedding dress for this fairy tale. “Friday is Bride Day on TLC.” An entire day is dedicated to this search!

In all, it sounds like great fun. Ridiculously expensive, but definitely fun.

From what I’ve gathered from my TLC wedding education, there seem to be quite a few rules for wedding gown shopping. These begin at 1) already knowing what kind of dress you like, 2) having a several thousand dollar budget, and 3) don’t bring the groom with you.

Every episode encounters different kinds of brides, families, situations, styles, and weddings. If you will, TLC hosts a type of microcosm of this modern fairytale world. Apparently, according to this popular network, this is the formula for fulfilling your ideal of the fairytale.

The point of all of this: making the bride choose what she wants. She so often has at least five people sitting on a couch in front of her, telling her exactly what they think she should wear, how her body looks in it, and giving or denying approval. It is a painful process. People cry. Often.

In the end, a woman stands up for herself and chooses exactly what most beautiful self she will be, in front of all her loved ones, when she declares her eternal love and begins a new phase in her life. She has already chosen her mate, potentially the most difficult decision of her life. She better be able to choose a very expensive, white frock.

The modern fairytale: the pursuit of life, liberty, love and happiness, all while you live it your own way and to your best ideals possible. That is rather feministic.

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