After one of Lady Gaga’s earliest music videos (I forget which one), I read a comment on Evil Beet Gossip that began with “Illuminati, Illuminati, Illuminati.” The (insane) commenter then described interpretations of how Lady Gaga’s hands were positioned and how that was some sort of Illuminati signal.
This was the first time in my life that I realized that there were people outside of psychiatric hospitals and works of fiction who believe in a vast and long-lived conspiratorial cabal that secretly controls almost everything, from governments and corporations to pop singers.
This idea is . . . insane. But what is really, really insane is the “evidence” to which people point to prove their erratic conspiracy theories. Because what you see from these whackadoos more than moneymaking schemes is absolutely-off-the-rails interpretations of innocuous entertainment. Like this deranged break-down of Madonna’s Half-Time show.
Now, for one thing, I’ve learned from reading these comments (usually on Evil Beet Gossip, though they only show up occasionally) that by “Illuminati” they actually mean “anything and everything that they imagine.” A specific set of religious beliefs (Pagan, Catholic, Muslim, Satanist—basically whatever they like), secret government mind-control programs (MK Ultra was a real, failed government program that, um, did not successfully grant Illuminati “monarchs” mind-control powers), or honestly whatever they want. Any mention of MK Ultra that is not about the past government project, science fiction, or the Muse song should be grounds for being committed to a psychiatric facility.
The results are entertaining, but they would be more so if there weren’t real people who held these beliefs. People who have the right to vote and raise children and own guns.
Okay, from the analysis of Madonna’s Half-Time show, here is an excerpt.
We see the male dancers doing acrobats for her track “Music”. During this chaos, there were two male dancers that got down on all fours, like the Muslims do when they pray to Allah. Most cheerleading teams, do not actually assume a prostration position when building a pyramid but in Satanic Rituals, it is believed that Lucifer or the devil would assume a prostration position and the witches would line up and kiss his anus as a sign of respect. We not only saw a classic Lucifer Ritual Pose but we also saw the quick building of a pyramid by her dancers.
What the hell.
I mean, even disregarding that this person makes up a non-existent Satanic ritual in order to prove that Madonna’s show was in reference to it, and disregarding the fact that the author of this analysis apparently lacks the ability to distinguish between individual religions, if the Illuminati were a real thing who controlled the world, why would they hide clues to their existence in some of the most-viewed pieces of entertainment in the world? I mean, if they did that, any deranged loner could piece together all of their all-powerful conspiratorial secrets.
Obviously, that’s just the sort of thinking that “they” want me to have.
And under this Evil Beet Gossip post about Mary-Kate Olsen having a creepy-acting, much-older boyfriend, one comment was “Illuminati monarch slave and master.” You guys, attractive young women date unattractive or even repulsive older guys all of the time. Occam’s Razor isn’t the key to answering all questions, but it’s a lot better than Occam’s Rollercoaster Of Crazy, which is what these conspiracy theorists apparently use to guide their speculation. Another comment said: “The globalists love the MK Ultra slaves. The Globalists own all of us.”
And then, do you guys remember when Blue Ivy (the child of Beyonce and Jay-Z) was born? One of the worldwide trends was “Illuminati’s Very Youngest.” Because obviously the name “Ivy” was just an acronym. While most of the people tweeting those three words were talking about how insane it was, it is STILL all kinds of crazy that the Illuminati are brought into any discussion that is not about a work of fiction.
So stop it.
PS: I’m sorry, I had to pretend that the Illuminati don’t exist! They are always watching.
