K.A + W.C

I am re-watching all of ‘The Wonder Years’. In Season 1 I was totally destroyed by Kevin and Winnie. They were so sweet and in love and that carried on into Season 2. I loved when they would hold hands and talk about how they’d be together forever. But something happens in Season 3. Winnie becomes…kind of….a bitch.


No, seriously, hear me out here. Once Winnie transfers schools she changes. She tells Kevin she’ll be with him at the field trip and spends the whole time ignoring him only to tell him she’s met someone else. That’s fine—they’re young you meet other people. But then she keeps showing up with this new guy around Kevin. It’s just not cool. Not at that age. Kevin is mature—but not mature enough to handle that.


My point is I’m at the end of Season 4 and Winnie has done nothing but use poor little Kevin. He tries. He tries really hard for a 15-year-old boy. He’s thoughtful, he’s considerate, and he worries about her. He spends his last nine dollars on a ring for her. He turned down Madeline for her. Look, what I’m trying to say is Kevin Arnold is a little too good for Winnie Cooper.


I’m re-watching ‘The Wonder Years’ because I’ve been having a huge attack of nostalgia lately. I just want to be young and living at my parent’s house with my biggest worry being mid-terms. But I’m all grown up and re-watching a show I loved when I was only worried about mid-terms is completely different. When I watched ‘The Wonder Years’ the first time…every week…sitting on blue carpet at home this was the greatest love story—I wanted to be Winnie Cooper. Now, I realize that I kind of am.


Winnie Cooper embodies every young girl. We are selfish and outta control (remember that episode when Winnie is out of control? She gets in that car accident and Kevin waits outside her house all night? That was so good. They play “We’ve Got Tonight” and I cry every time. That’s when they say ‘I love you’ for the first time. HE LOVED HER THROUGH A BROKEN LEG!) and we are just trying to measure up to all the expectations people put on us. We really just want someone to see us. Basically, we’re all looking for our Kevin Arnold.

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I Think I Understand Weddings

A few years ago two of my friends got married. I’d know them the longest out of everyone and so, when they tied the knot I thought, “Okay—so this is over.” I thought that my “everyone I know is getting married” phase was done. I mean, it made sense—these were the two people that meant more to me than anyone else and they got married so whatever—it’s done.
I didn’t think that two years later I would be inundated with weddings and marriage. I never thought it would bother me since I have no interest in getting married. I always thought that marriage was outdated and a waste of money. I thought it would be way too much to do and I would just be stressed and hate it and it’s all over in a day anyway. So I didn’t want marriage, until now—kinda…I guess.
I have been following the planning of at least three weddings and I think I get it. I think I understand why people do this. I’ll watch a girl getting ready at a hair salon and I’ll think, “She must feel so excited. I’m never going to feel that.” Then I remind myself that is not a reason to spend $40,000. Any excitement I would feel at getting ready would be diminished by the fact that I am spending a boatload of cash for a day.
Then there’s this other part of me that thinks, “there is so much love there”. There is one wedding in particular that anytime I saw an event, bachelorette/bachelor party, wedding planning, rehearsal dinner, and the like, anytime I saw these things it was so full of love and happiness. These people were head over ass for each other and everyone involved was so happy to celebrate that love. They were so excited to see these two people get married. That’s when it hit me. That’s what a wedding is. It’s not about a dress, or a party, or how much money you spend. It’s about finding a perfect partner and celebrating that with everyone you love. It’s about solidifying yourselves as a family.
I can’t believe I get weddings. I can’t believe I turned into that girl. Man, I hope in two years I don’t start understanding having kids. I cannot start understanding “jam-hands” and snotty noses and lifelong commitments to keeping another human being alive and safe.
What are some things that you thought you would never want that as you got older you started to understand? Please leave it in the comments so I don’t feel like a such a traitor to myself.

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The Modern Fairytale

Weddings have taken many forms and purposes across human existence. For a great period of time, weddings were primarily an exchange of a daughter as a valuable good. In other times, the daughter is something that needed to be unloaded and taken as a bribe with a dowry.

A slightly more modern perspective houses the now classic fairytales as inspiration. Allusions are often made to the cartoon versions of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and the like. Whether or not the lady started out as a Princess or merely ended up as one, there is always a wonderful love story and a fabulous wedding to go along with it. Many a girl now laments “Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about love!” After all, it is a Facebook group.

It is now nearly an American standard to spend about $30,000 on a wedding. The wedding ceremony and reception are the pinnacle of love and romance for the fairytale achievement. It is evem common to plan your wedding on Pinterest- whether you are in a relationship currently or not.

TLC hosts multiple shows about finding the perfect wedding dress for this fairy tale. “Friday is Bride Day on TLC.” An entire day is dedicated to this search!

In all, it sounds like great fun. Ridiculously expensive, but definitely fun.

From what I’ve gathered from my TLC wedding education, there seem to be quite a few rules for wedding gown shopping. These begin at 1) already knowing what kind of dress you like, 2) having a several thousand dollar budget, and 3) don’t bring the groom with you.

Every episode encounters different kinds of brides, families, situations, styles, and weddings. If you will, TLC hosts a type of microcosm of this modern fairytale world. Apparently, according to this popular network, this is the formula for fulfilling your ideal of the fairytale.

The point of all of this: making the bride choose what she wants. She so often has at least five people sitting on a couch in front of her, telling her exactly what they think she should wear, how her body looks in it, and giving or denying approval. It is a painful process. People cry. Often.

In the end, a woman stands up for herself and chooses exactly what most beautiful self she will be, in front of all her loved ones, when she declares her eternal love and begins a new phase in her life. She has already chosen her mate, potentially the most difficult decision of her life. She better be able to choose a very expensive, white frock.

The modern fairytale: the pursuit of life, liberty, love and happiness, all while you live it your own way and to your best ideals possible. That is rather feministic.

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The Triangular Theory of Love

The relationship triangular of love is not the same as a “love triangle”. This is surely not that time in middle school when you and your BFF were major crushing on that cute boy with spiky gelled hair.

Rather, this concept states that a healthy, balanced love is comprised of intimacy, passion, and commitment. All three. With only one or two of those categories, relationships fail.

Surely modern feminists seek to be emotionally healthy. Knowing what you want in life is important, but knowing how to ask for it is also important. Being damaged may be popular, but being healthy is better.

  1. Intimacy
  2. Passion
  3. Commitment

I demand to know why this was not taught to us from Day One. We should have learned in Kindergarten what it takes to make love work. If not Kidnergarten, why not High School where we experienced falling in love? Us ladies had the health talk from the school nurse in the fifth grade about our impending periods. They could have sent in the nurse to tell us the truth about love that day, too.

I have countless friends who constantly lament their relationship problems. Sometimes I fall into that category as well. In young adulthood, we humans tend to seek emotional fulfillment through relationships. Our young attitudes are attempting to adjust to love versus sex and love combined with sex. We may choose to try a bit of one, both, or neither.

The above diagram fully explains the minutae. It isn’t that complex. I’m not instructing you on how to live your life or what relationships to have. This is simply the common equation for what many people strive to have. Most people would be happiest in a relationship that contains intimacy, passion, and commitment.

  1. Just infatuation = Passion
  2. Just Commitment = Empty Love
  3. Just (emotional) Intimacy = Liking
  4. Intimacy + Passion = Romantic Love
  5. Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love
  6. Commitment + Intimacy = Companionate Love
  7. All 3 = Consummate Love

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