Tag Archives: love

The Triangular Theory of Love

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The relationship triangular of love is not the same as a “love triangle”. This is surely not that time in middle school when you and your BFF were major crushing on that cute boy with spiky gelled hair.

Rather, this concept states that a healthy, balanced love is comprised of intimacy, passion, and commitment. All three. With only one or two of those categories, relationships fail.

Surely modern feminists seek to be emotionally healthy. Knowing what you want in life is important, but knowing how to ask for it is also important. Being damaged may be popular, but being healthy is better.

  1. Intimacy
  2. Passion
  3. Commitment

I demand to know why this was not taught to us from Day One. We should have learned in Kindergarten what it takes to make love work. If not Kidnergarten, why not High School where we experienced falling in love? Us ladies had the health talk from the school nurse in the fifth grade about our impending periods. They could have sent in the nurse to tell us the truth about love that day, too.

I have countless friends who constantly lament their relationship problems. Sometimes I fall into that category as well. In young adulthood, we humans tend to seek emotional fulfillment through relationships. Our young attitudes are attempting to adjust to love versus sex and love combined with sex. We may choose to try a bit of one, both, or neither.

The above diagram fully explains the minutae. It isn’t that complex. I’m not instructing you on how to live your life or what relationships to have. This is simply the common equation for what many people strive to have. Most people would be happiest in a relationship that contains intimacy, passion, and commitment.

  1. Just infatuation = Passion
  2. Just Commitment = Empty Love
  3. Just (emotional) Intimacy = Liking
  4. Intimacy + Passion = Romantic Love
  5. Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love
  6. Commitment + Intimacy = Companionate Love
  7. All 3 = Consummate Love



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Picture Perfect Romance

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I’ve discussed my new distaste for Johnny Depp but I would be lying if I said I didn’t find his and Wynonna Ryder’s relationship romantic. It just was. It was back in the 90’s and they were the hipster couple before hipster couples were cool.

The reason I’m even talking about this is The National Enquierer released a laughable story about how Ryder is trying win back Depp. They say that Depp’s new squeeze, Amber Heard, wants him to go public with their relationship but that Depp doesn’t want to (because what 40-something-year-old-man doesn’t want the world knowing he’s with a 20-something-year-old model?). So, Heard is heading back to the arms of her ex-lesbian lover and Ryder is going to steal Depp.

Nonsense. Utter nonsense. But still…it got me thinking about Johnny Depp’s loves. He’s always rushed into being engaged and his only real long term relationship was with Vanessa Paradis but I think his relationships are some of the most romantic I’ve seen—mainly because I’ve seen them. Depp has a thing about being photographed with his ladies and the pictures always look like something out of Wuthering Heights. This new enquirer story gave me an excuse to walk down Johnny Depp relationship photo lane. Here are some of my favorites:

Johnny and Wynonna–stop it. Look at that. Just look at it. On the left we have romantic passion on the right adorable cuteness. You can’t have both! You can’t have all things! Your relationship ends.

I mean, the man knows how to lay with a woman and who holds a head like that? When you’re just having a conversation who cups the back of someone’s head? Who? No one. Stop faking life Johnny Depp.

 

This is by far my favorite Depp relationship picture. If you Google Depp and Paradis you get a million candid shots of them hugging and kissing. But this shot–to me–embodies all that is romantic. Then I remember that he cheated on this woman, who is the mother of his two children, for a 20-something-year-old-model.

Nothing is picture perfect.



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LOVE Will Conquer ALL

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I’ve spoken about being pro-equal rights. I’m a huge advocate for same-sex marriage. I’m a huge advocate for equal rights for all people…and animals. I’ve been very upset and angered by the hate I hear being preached during this very important time. On the 26th and 27th of this month the Supreme Court is hearing arguments for same-sex marriage. There is only one argument that I feel is worthy, and that is: people have an inalienable right to marry the person they love no matter of the gender.

It’s been hard for me to have a positive attitude during this time because I am so angered by the blatent ignorance and hate. But then I read this article by the NY Daily News:

“Jenna Wolfe and Stephanie Gosk of NBC come out as couple; reveal engagement and baby on the way”

NBC newscaster Jenna Wolfe is The Today show’s Sunday anchor. Wolfe said she and partner Gosk, a foreign correspondent at NBC, have been together three years, plan to wed and will have a baby by December. Here are some choice quotes from Wolfe’s blog and her appearance with Gosk on the Today show Wednesday morning:

“My girlfriend, Stephanie Gosk, and I are expecting a baby girl the end of August,” Wolfe, 39, wrote in the debut post for her new pregnancy blog.

“We felt like we wanted to share our adventures with a wide-eyed, little person,” she blogged. “The more we talked about it, the better the idea seemed.”

“We were constantly on the road, juggling a thousand balls at once,” she told the mag. “It’s a miracle we got it all together.”

“This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to us,”

“But I don’t want to bring my daughter into a world where I’m not comfortable telling everyone who I am and who her mother is.”

“The beauty is that we live in a time where there’s no need for secrecy.

“For a long time I had feared I would never have a child”.

“This baby doesn’t care that I was in phenomenal shape before getting pregnant. She doesn’t care that I had a near perfect diet. She made the first four months brutal for me … B-R-U-T-A-L.”

“There were days when all I could eat were Saltine crackers, Apple Jacks dry cereal and plain pasta,”

“As a kid, I would have chosen raising my adrenaline over raising children any day of the week. But then a funny thing happened on my way to adulthood … I grew up. I ran smack into the old nursery rhyme: “First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Jenna pushing a baby carriage”

I didn’t attribute names to the quotes because they could be the words of any couple. These two are in love, they want to make a lifetime commitment to each other and share that with the world, and they want to raise their child together. It’s beautiful.

As I said before I’ve been down and angry about what I’ve heard as a result of the same-sex marriage hearing. But then I heard this…and I was reminded the love is beautiful, family is what matters, and people can scream hate at the top of their lungs, they can twist the word of God to work for them, they can try as hard as they possibly can to stop it…but LOVE will win. LOVE always finds a way.

In the darkness it’s hard to see the light…but light will come. Hate is dark…love is light. I have faith that LOVE will win, maybe not today…maybe not even in my lifetime…but LOVE will continue to grow, you can try and stop it but you will never stop people from finding each other—from loving each other—from supporting each other…LOVE will win.



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Anne Hathaway is in Love

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photo of anne hathaway pictures

Anne Hathaway is on the cover of Glamour gushing about her new husband. Yeah, it’s all fun and games three months in. … I’m kidding, I hope they last forever. Hathaway says, “He’s a good man. He’s beyond intelligent. He loves fearlessly. His beliefs are beautiful. He’s my best friend. I love him. I just feel that I have the greatest husband in the world for me.” That’s too much love for me so I tuned out most of it but really enjoyed that she said, “in the world for me”. Most of the time you get these celebrities spouting off about how they have the best significant other in the world and I find that pompous. They’re the best to you, for you, according to you, but let me tell you I highly doubt Andrew Garfield and I would get along, though he seems to do the deed for Emma Stone. The only woman who can say, “I have the best significant other in the world” is Eva Mendes cause she’s got Ryan Gosling, who is perfect.

Hathway goes on to say, “I would never have gotten married if it weren’t for him. You have to want to be married to someone. You have to feel that reciprocated. Marriage for marriage’s sake doesn’t make any sense to me, and I found someone with whom I could put my money where my mouth is, I guess.” Considering her last boyfriend is served 4.5 years in prison for cheating investors and falsely claiming he had connections to the Vatican (why would you brag about that?) I get it, Anne. I’m a little confused as to the “You have to want to be married to someone. You have to feel that reciprocated”. I mean, why else would you marry someone? I guess that’s her point, but I feel it’s a bit of Capitan Obvious. We get it you wanted to marry this dude and not the felon.

Later, she says, “It’s wonderful. I feel like I’ve found my other half, and I’m so excited about getting to love him for the rest of our lives.” Too much; too much love. There’s an old saying “If it’s a big show it ain’t a real go” meaning if you have to prove it and talk about it it’s probably not as good as you’re making it out to be. Only time will tell I guess. This is a celebrity marriage, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I say three years….any takers?



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