McDonald’s Is Not Sue’s Salads

Please watch this video (or, rather, listen to the audio). The following is my response. I’m fine with people eating fruits and even vegetables, either for health reasons or because they genuinely find them delicious. I’m partial to a number of delicious fruits myself.

But I don’t want them from McDonald’s. I certainly don’t want to force them upon other customers.

So, my response to the video:

I only rarely got fast food when I was growing up. A toy or a cartoon character is nice but, even as a preschooler, I wanted to eat their food because it is DELICIOUS.

I’m not angry with the nine-year-old. I’m angry at the mentality of adults who should know better who want to ruin everyone else’s happiness.

I’m so grateful that I had long outgrown Happy Meals before they began putting fruits, vegetables, and other food that my food eats in Happy Meals instead of the delicious food. You can eat fruit and vegetables at home—it is not McDonald’s responsibility to have every food that you might ever want to give to your children. You don’t yell at a hot dog vendor for not serving salads. It’s not McDonald’s job to have every food—just whatever delicious food that we want to eat and that they want to serve us that will make money for them and their stockholders.

My answer probably would have been along the lines of: “Well, it’s the job of our advertising department to attract customers of all ages to eat at McDonald’s. It’s the job of many other parts of this corporation to make sure that everything about your experience when you visit a McDonald’s makes you happy and want to come back again–which means making the food delicious but also providing healthy options. It’s my job to make sure that the different parts of this company work together as well as possible. And it’s the job of the consumers–consumers like your parents–to look at our advertising and everything about us, and decide if McDonald’s is a place where you want to go. We don’t want to trick children–or adults–into visiting, because we want you to be happy with what you find when you get here and want to come back.”
But obviously people would raise hell that that was too complex to say to a child or that that was too blunt of an answer to give in front of cameras because parents are the ones with money to spend and they don’t want to be told that they have responsibilities.



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Leslie Knope VS Liz Lemon


First of all, let me say that this is my fiftieth post on Zelda Lily since I first began in late July of this year. I am so happy that I get to write for this marvelous blog. I hope that you have all enjoyed reading my posts as much as I have enjoyed writing them. I love you guys.

Leslie Knope VS Liz Lemon: this is a contest between awesome, hilarious ladies whom I absolutely adore. I do not even mean the actresses who portray them—whom I love so much and probably equally. I mean the characters—the protagonists of the NBC comedies Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock, respectively.

Both shows are wonderful and hilarious, and provide an endless supply of hilarious quotes. But while both have wonderfully comical views of the world, are portrayed by marvelous ladies, and have a fondness for an overabundance of unhealthy food, I have to say that Leslie Knope has the edge—and here is why.

Leslie Knope’s life is much more together than Liz Lemon’s. Leslie Knope has a rising political career, which has its hilarious ups and downs. Liz Lemon’s life as a writer for The Girly Show is in constant crisis.

Leslie Knope embraces her sexuality. While I am not a Reagan fan, I am such a fan of Margaret Thatcher, and she and her dreamy boyfriend Ben Wyatt roleplay (as we have heard in accidental voicemails on the show) as various political figures while in bed. She also really enjoys making out with Ben, where Liz Lemon seems fearful of sex, sexuality, and willfully ignorant of sex itself. That is just not something that I can understand. And while Liz Lemon has many admirable qualities, that alone makes me wonder if anyone should aspire to be her.

Leslie Knope is a much better mentor, and not just because Liz Lemon is surrounded by pathologically insane people while Leslie is mostly just surrounded by goofy people.

Leslie Knope’s office is filled with portraits of marvelous, strong female politicians. Liz Lemon’s office is filled with cluttered sadness.

Both have their home lives as a wreck. Leslie Knope’s home is a suffocating hoarder nightmare. Liz Lemon’s home, while much more physically orderly, is in chaos because Liz is often unsure of what she wants. Despite the fact that every relationship that she has ever had has failed (which is, you know, normal), she is still pursuing love at every opportunity. And while any sane person would date James Marsden when given the opportunity, she sort of reminds me of a much more intelligent, older Taylor Swift in terms of her hopeless pursuit of romance.

Basically, Leslie Knope knows what she wants. Liz Lemon is always looking to others for life advice. I kind of just wish that Liz Lemon would meet Leslie Knope and get advice from her.

Or, if not, settle down and just allow herself to be happy. She already knows that food is the key to that. So she should go for it.



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Post-Election Reflection: What We Could Have Had

I voted in this election, of course. And I was so excited when Obama was reelected—as were the vast majority of my friends and family. Also, the actors and celebrities whom I follow on Twitter. An Australian actress whom I adore tweeted about watching Obama’s inspiring victory speech while working out at the gym. The entire world was watching us, and I do not have to awkwardly explain that “we tried our best,” or “please don’t hate all of us,” over the internet to my friends in other countries (as I did, as a senior in high school, when Bush was reelected). Our country is continuing to move in the right direction. We still have a President who thinks that gay people, women, and religious minorities are actually people and that zygotes and corporations are not. I almost* couldn’t be more excited.

But we did miss out on a few things that an end to the Obama Presidency and a Romney administration would have meant.

First of all, a Romney White House would probably have meant an end to the First Lady’s crusade against childhood happiness. Because seriously. I am so tired of her Disgusting Food And Miserable Activities initiative. You know what? Elementary school is Hell on Earth. You’re a powerless, miserable child whose entire day, at home and at school, is planned out by adults. The one highlight of a typical third grader’s day? Lunch. People complain about cafeteria food, but if you live in a household where hot dogs and pizza and fried anything is a rare treat, lunch in elementary school is this magical time when you get to eat delicious food and socialize with your peers—or read a book. Food is happiness in its purest physical form, and I, for one, want for children to be happy.

I trust that I do not even have to explain to people why jumping rope outside or playing some kind of sportsball in your backyard is, even if you enjoy it, a hideously inferior activity to anything that you might do indoors. Legos, action figures (or Barbies, etc), books, television, video games—children today have so many delightful ways of entertaining themselves that have nothing to do with the insect-ridden, overly warm, overly humid, exposed, way-too-bright outdoors. Playing outdoors is for barbarians. As a child, I only did it when forced to. And I was forced to.

Guess what? Forcing children to play outside and to eat that gross green stuff that grows in dirt? It does not work. My family only drank water at dinner, we had a “salad night” at least once a week, and my mother used even meaty foods as mules to smuggle even more vegetables into our gullets. In my complaints about my (less than pleasant) childhood, this does not even make the top ten, but it’s not something that I remember fondly, either.

And then I went off to college, where I slowly began to realize that I did not have to eat like I had been required to for all of my life. If I made double-stuffed Oreos (or, more likely, quadruple-stuffed), I could discard the gross chocolate wafers that had no crème on them for a roommate to eat. You can control your weight with how much you eat, and how often (plus riding an exercise bike in front of a television); you do not have to make eating a miserable activity, even some of the time.

As an adult, to quote the fabulous Leslie Knope of Parks and Recreation, “I stand by my decision to avoid salad . . . and other disgusting things.”

Okay, so the second thing that we missed out on that we would have had with a Romney Presidency: Mitt Romney Sucks Pass It On. It was a simple post made on Tumblr. For those of you unfamiliar, Tumblr is a blog site where users can upload images, text, or even music or video, which can easily be “liked” and “reblogged” by others on Tumblr. Personally, I tend to take screencaps from shows that I watch, add text from the scene in question, and that makes up the vast majority of my original posts to Tumblr. My most popular original post to Tumblr is from a few weeks ago (taken from ABC’s Once Upon A Time), has 120 “notes” (a number derived from the likes and reblogs that the post has received, mostly from strangers). It is not unusual to see posts with several thousands notes.

One simple, unassuming text post titled: “Mitt Romney Sucks, Pass It On” did not include anything beyond a title. It has received over ten million notes. That is, for the record, a lot. It is, to the best of anyone’s knowledge, the single most popular post ever on Tumblr. With a Mitt Romney Presidency, imagine how many likes and reblogs it could have gotten over four years.

Third, but not last, is all of the poor hurt feelings in our neighboring country of Canada. Just look at this graphic (also on Tumblr), depicting Canada’s disappointment that pro-Obama Americans will not be flocking across the border to a country that has gun control, universal health care, same-sex marriage, and the right to choose. This picture is adorable.

Finally, and most seriously, a Romney White House might have meant a serious reduction among the crazies. If you’ve watched NCIS or Law & Order or just about any other crime drama, you are probably familiar with the ironically named “Patriot” movement or similar movements. These are whackadoo militia-types who are paranoid and crazy. They do not register the births of their children or socialize them normally (even beyond the normal crippling social isolation that comes with homeschooling). They do not vote or obey speed limits or traffic lights. They are, in essence, a bunch of terrifying, well-armed anarchists who often have some very racist views.

Now, if you know someone who is a gun-nut, that’s just weird. But, weird like my obsession with superheroes. Admittedly, my obsession with superheroes does not really equip me to kill people, but my point is that these “Patriots” (who do not acknowledge the legitimacy of the US government) are scary and you should not just assume that someone who is super into guns is one of them.

The “Patriot” movement sprouted up while Clinton was in office, went down when Bush was in office, and then cropped back up with a vengeance when Obama was first elected. In other words, if the political Right is unhappy with the President, the absolute fringe of the fringe right loses their minds.

If Romney had won, these lunatics might have taken four years off to only be normal amounts of crazy.

 

*The absolute Most Beautiful Human On Earth retweeted one of my tweets on Election Day, which kind of almost completely overshadowed the entire election for me because I have “very sensible” priorities.



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I’m In Love With Margaret Thatcher

photo of margaret thatcher pictures
I’m In Love With Margaret Thatcher is actually a song, you guys. It’s not a great song (and not, I think, sincere), but I like the title.

One day in very early 2009, I was curious about Margaret Thatcher (who was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1979-1990) because I really only knew bits and pieces about her (in general, my non-American historical knowledge basically gets better and better the farther back in time that one goes; the last several centuries are a little vague). I decided to look her up, and find out why some people spoke of her so negatively. I poured through her Wikipedia page (which, admittedly, gets edited all of the time) and found a lot of awesome information with very little to explain why some people have strongly negative opinions of her. I looked up other articles, wondering if some Thatcher fanatic had edited her Wikipedia page to exclude her 1988 Puppy-Torture Campaign or anything of that sort. Still nothing.

Having been thoroughly impressed by what I had read, I thought that I would look her up on YouTube. You guys, I was positively floored by her speeches and by her delivery. I found recordings of her statements following the (despicable) attack on the Falkland Islands by the Argentinian military junta. I found her warnings about humanity causing global warming and other problems and emphasizing the importance of environmental responsibility. This is a woman who supports universal health care (which the UK has had in place for decades).

I also found videos featuring her sense of humor. I spent hours pouring over YouTube. That evening, I went to see a friend of mine and I introduced him to the same …

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