The Once And Future King Can Be Gay And That’s Fine


Parliament is likely to add an amendment to current legislation that will essentially allow for a simplification of questions of marriage and succession for William and Kate’s children (and grandchildren and further descendants), should any of them be gay. And we all know that that will happen—and not just because the Duchess of Cambridge totally looks like she’d have a gay son (sorry; I have Level Twelve Gaydar. It’s a blessing and a curse). There have been gay rulers before, and I don’t just mean speculation about British monarchs like Queen Elizabeth or King James (who produced, hands-down, the worst version of the Christian Bible that ever existed prior to the Twentieth Century). There have definitely been closeted men and women on the throne (any throne, really). And history has seen plenty of gay monarchs—particularly Roman Emperors.

Ancient Rome had a lot of problems, I know, but dang they were excellent in so many ways.

Anyway, this is a good thing. Members of the Royal family can marry members of the same sex and adopt (or do IVF) and their children will be in in line for the throne.

Now, it’s not a meaningful title—I know. The British monarch is the Head of State in Great Britain, but not the Head of Government. I’m all for constitutional monarchies, but if they have no actual power beyond bestowing knighthoods and orchestrating big events, I kind of think that monarchies are pretty silly. But, then, despite every name in my family being British or at least UK in origin (Harward, Lloyd, Wrenn, Yates), it’s not a part of my identity (my family’s been in the US for a couple of centuries at least). Who is king or queen can probably mean a lot more to citizens of the UK.

But I am still excited because lawmakers too often wait too long to update laws so that they make sense, but this legislation looks like it is set to pass. And that is wonderful. I would love to see a same-sex marriage in Britain’s royal line. More visibility for gay rights on a global scale is a good thing (especially with psychotic countries like Iran and Uganda still in existence).

 

PS: I know that the title to this post is awful, but it could have been worse. I mean, do you remember the Fairly Oddparents episode titled: “The Boy Who Would Be Queen?” I could have gone with something like that. That was a great episode, by the way. I was so amused when so many ridiculous people were accusing Spongebob Squarepants of being super gay, because, um, Fairly Oddparents was so much gayer. From Cupid (super gay) to Timmy’s Dad (who described Teen Singing Sensation Chip Skylark as “delicious”) to Timmy’s drama teacher to Jorgen Von Strangle’s relationship with Binky. Seriously, you guys. If only the sound effects on that show had not been so constant and if only everything had not gone downhill after Cosmo and Wanda had that baby.



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Kate’s Pregnant … Who Cares?

photo of kate middleton pictures
Since Kate Middleton and Prince William got married, there have been baby rumors. Finally, the rumors are true and Kate really is knocked up. We know she is knocked up because she had to go to the hospital with morning sickness—that means this baby is already a royal pain in the ass. It also means we have nine months of watching this pregnant chick and all that comes with that. Is it a boy? A girl? What will the name be? What does this mean for Prince Harry? This will go on for nine freaking months. We don’t know the sex and probably won’t until the little jam-handed brat comes out, and that goes for the name as well. What it means for Harry is … well … nothing. He’s always known he’d never be King that’s why he gets naked in Vegas and dresses like a Nazi.

I’m sure it’s a big deal in England for the Royal Family to be having a baby …although I’m a little confused as to what the royal family does other than look cool. But why do I have to hear about it in the States? Why was it front page news when Kate Middleton got bangs? They weren’t even bangs, they were side-swept and I didn’t even notice, not to mention the photo they used was her being windblown and you couldn’t even see them so I had to search. Why does this matter?! Why was I looking for these photos? Why is her hair and baby making abilities on my news report? Why isn’t the fact that we’re second in the world for childhood poverty and seventeenth for education the top story? I think that matters a lot more than some kid I’m never going to meet that will never impact my life or Government. Can we all get a little more perspective people? Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this matters. Maybe I’m missing the point. I would love to hear from anyone who actually cares about this baby and why you care. Do me a favor, leave it in the comments and educated me on this because honestly I feel left out.



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Royal Boobies

photo of kate middleton pictures topless photso pic
Kate Middleton and Prince William took some time off at Kate’s family’s villa in France. The couple went out on the balcony for some sun and relaxation.  They settled into chairs and Kate slipped off her top to avoid those pesky tan lines.  She was on a balcony on a family villa, a place she had visited several times a place that was probably seen as a refuge away from the prying eyes of the press, but what she didn’t count on was a paparazzo with a telephoto lens taking over 200 pictures of her in the buff.

The topless photos were printed in a French magazine, and naturally, the royal family pressed charges. And won. The magazine was ordered to turn over the photos or be fined $13,000 for every day they delayed. The magazine complied, but the damage was done. The photos were out, they were on the Internet and they were picked up by at least three other publications.

The magazine’s defense is that the royal couple could be clearly scene from the road where the pictures were taken so technically they did nothing wrong. Other magazines said they do this with celebrities all the time so what’s the big deal about Kate? The big deal isn’t about Kate per se. It’s about privacy violations.

One magazine said that Sharon Stone and Kate Moss have appeared half naked with on holiday and the pictures wound up in their magazine so this isn’t any different. But Kate Moss and Sharon Stone have also both appeared nude of their own volition. Kate Middleton never has. Kate Middleton also didn’t choose to be a model or an actress; she chose to marry the man she loves. That man happens to be in the public eye as the future King of England. Not an Oscar winner, not a musician, not a model—a role that is given to him at birth, a role he didn’t choose. But because he is public and now she is public, they belong to us? Is that excuse we’re using?

The Sharon Stone and Kate Moss defense is reprehensible.  These women were on beaches, they were on the pages of Playboy and in advertisements and runways naked by choice. Kate Middleton was in a secluded villa with her husband and her naked body is now plastered all over the Internet.  I couldn’t imagine the humiliation, the devastation, and the violation she must be feeling. How could you ever feel comfortable again?

Despite all of those feelings and their legal battle Kate and William have continued their royal tour of Asia and the Pacific and she has been poised, graceful, and beautiful the entire time. She is by far an example of how to overcome the pettiness of others. Why is there even a market for this kind of thing? Are we that sophomoric? Are we that simple? Are royal boobies any better than regular boobies? Is there a shortage of girls willing to pop their tops? So many beautiful actresses bare their bodies on screen, so many amateurs do it on free adult websites—why do we need to seek out and force others to do it?



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Kate Middleton Recycled Wardrobe

photo of kate middleton pictures
I’m not British, but I really want to be. I love everything about the culture and the people of the UK. Naturally, I’ve been obsessed with the recent Queen’s Jubilee and always, Kate Middleton. I watched the interview with Katie Couric (I mostly hung my head at Katie’s ridiculous questions) and I was completely blown away by how incredible the Queen is.

She’s never given an interview. Never. Not once in 60 years of being Queen has she sat down and just … talked. That’s not what’s important to her – doing her job is important. She was Queen at 25 and is the first monarch since Queen Victoria to have a Diamond Jubilee (that’s 60 years of being Queen). She has her hands in everything: she decides where people will sit at dinner parties (she wants people to be placed by people they would be interested in talking to), she goes over the menu, she picks the table setting and she runs 16 countries. You know – no big deal.

While the Queen is took center stage earlier this month, it’s usually Kate Middleton who is on the front page. Kate is pretty, stylish, and your average girl. She buys her own groceries and she chooses her own clothes. I’m not ashamed to say I stared openly at the pictures of Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, Future Queen of England, unloading her own shopping cart on a conveyer belt and walking out to her car alone.  It blew my freaking mind.

I also love the fact that Kate Middleton shops on High Street, which means she spends 80 dollars on a dress. She bargain shops.  The reason I get to write about her (finally) is that she recently wore the same Emilia Wickstead coat dress ($2,000) twice in 11 days. Now, if I had 2,000 dollars to spend on a dress you better believe I am wearing that thing more than once. The fact that Kate has money out the yin-yang and she still recycles outfits is extremely cool.

England’s economy is not much better than ours – some reports say it’s far worse – so to have the “face” of the monarchy recycling outfits is really classy. You would never see a celebrity wear the same outfit twice in America. They parade their good fortune in front of the beaten masses as often as they can.

In doing research for this article I found out that the Queen also recycles outfits. She names all her dresses, her favorite being “Buttercup” (a simple yellow dress and hat). She does not wear the same dress with the same media present, but she will wear Buttercup in England and then in South Africa. She also is said to be very happy with Kate’s recycling, as she feels it’s the right thing to do in this economy. The whole royal family seems extremely humble and to genuinely care about their people.

On her 21st birthday, Queen Elizabeth made a speech where she said, “My whole life, be it long or short, will be in service to you.” How incredible to have the head of state actually think they work for the people. The press should stop commenting on the fact that the Princess wore the same dress twice in 11 days like it’s a travesty and see it as an extremely thoughtful act. There are more important things than new expensive dresses.



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