It’s Just Water

As if Nestle didn’t have enough—they went and did this. They created water for high income and fashionable women. That’s right—this bottle of water is only for the upper echelon of women. It’s called Resource Water and it leads you to electrolytement (gag me). Simple, unstylish women like me probably wouldn’t like it.
The brand will be featured on America’s Next Top Model and someone from the Today is already claiming it’s the best water she’s ever had. Naturally—it costs more than their other seven brands of water and is aimed at the 35 year-old “lady who lunches”. They showed off this add with a dancer routine that I describe as a fancy wet T-shirt contest.
You’ve got to be kidding me. It’s water. It’s freaking H2O, it comes out of a house for God’s sake. It’s WATER. I refuse to spend more than 99 cents on a bottle of water I don’t care how cool the bottle or impressive the font. IT’S WATER—it tastes the same no matter how much I pay for it.*
Do women really fall for this? Would you really spend more money because this bottle is supposed to make you trendy? Do you buy Smartwater because Jennifer Aniston hawks it? If you do, let me tell you something—drinking that water will not make you Jennifer Aniston. Having a father in the entertainment business for 50 years, Greek genes, and an inability to make a relationship will get you closer than a freaking bottle of water.
IT’S WATER!
*Disclaimer- Dasani water tastes like oil.



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I Hate Zoe Barnes

How amazing in House of Cards on Netflix? It so good that it makes me forget that I know creepy things about Kevin Spacey—that’s how good it is! It’s near perfection. Robin Wright? Stop it. Just stop being so perfect! She’s brilliant in this! She looks amazing, she’s made Claire completely three-dimensional, I want to be Claire Underwood. Kevin Spacey, you cheeky bugger! Spacey has always been a brilliant actor and there’s no part he’s played that he hasn’t killed. This is just another example of his talent.
For those of you who haven’t watched it yet, go do it. It’s all on Netflix and you will not be sorry. It’s a political thriller that revolves around Claire and Frank Underwood. It’s political chess, it’s drama, it’s intense, and it’s gorgeous. I just love everything about it. Well, almost everything. I hate Zoe Barnes.
Zoe Barnes is a young up and coming writer trying to make a name for herself. She starts a working relationship with Congressman Frank Underwood. He’s her source, she’s his puppet. I loved that angle. Then of course, they start having an affair. Whatever, that’s fine, these shows always do something like that. But I hoped that when they moved in that direction that it wouldn’t be so high school. Truth be told I hoped it wouldn’t happen at all. Sex complicates things and I needed this relationship to be uncomplicated!
See, Zoe fancies herself and independent woman. She lives in a crap apartment because she refuses to ask her parents for money. She’s going to make it on her own! She even talks Frank into becoming her source. She’s a clever girl. Then she starts turning into a needy girl. Asking for Frank’s advice on everything from what meetings she should take to calling her Father on Father’s Day.
Claire, Frank’s wife, is aware of the affair and seemingly doesn’t care. This is just moving a pawn in their game. However, Zoe showing up to an event and shaking Claire’s hand—ugh you suck Zoe Barnes. She stands there in her too-tight-white dress and acts like she belongs there and isn’t there on the good graces of the Underwood’s. All I’m saying is a little self-awareness goes a long way.
I don’t want to ruin the series for anyone so I’ll cut it short here. Basically, I feel like if you’re going to write a character like Zoe Barnes you either have to make her likeable (like she started out) or completely detestable (like she’s becoming). I know some people would argue that’s the Walter White effect. But, the thing is Walter White is the guy you’re rooting for and he slowly turns into the bad guy. But he’s the lead guy—you always root for the lead guy. Zoe is a secondary character and the Underwood’s are the bad guys you root for.
In short, Zoe Barnes is the weak link in House of Cards mainly because she’s a cliché. This was the first season of the show and the first foray into scripted “television” for Netflix. Maybe next season they’ll get it right. There better be a next season. Man, how good is House of Cards?!?



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Dirty Mind, Clean Company: Pussy Energy Drinks?

photo of pussy energy drink pictures, photos
Jonnie Shearer loves Pussy. I say that because Shearer has an energy drink company called … well, Pussy. See what he did there? He was clever and took a shocking name that can be punny and named his company after it. Sound familiar? Well this is Virgin territory. Get it?! Richard Branson did the same thing in 1970 but was a bit classier about it. Go figure.

Apparently, Shearer was in college deciding what to do with his life and was admiring Branson when he “came up” with the name. Came up with the name—not the company. Just had a brain child of “I’m gonna get a company and call it pussy cause who doesn’t love pussy?”. I take that as; he saw what Branson did and decided he was going to do it too—but did it much worse.

Shearer saw that energy drinks were a huge market but, “The existing drinks tasted awful, and I couldn’t pronounce half their ingredients. Since people were becoming more interested in healthy eating, I decided to come up with a natural energy drink.” So he decided to make Pussy something you can ingest that’s healthy. Basically, Shearer made Pussy good for you.

The next step was getting investors. Through a friend Shearer met Holly Branson, daughter of Richard Branson, and got her to like Pussy, then she got her brother to like Pussy and they invested in the company. Now Pussy is providing something yummy and natural that boosts spirits for several companies to sell and Shearer has an estimated net worth of 16 million dollars.

I guess you could say Shearer’s Pussy is revolutionizing what we put in our mouths! Advertising has been a bit of a problem for the company, for some reason cities don’t like having Pussy on billboards over their freeways. But if according to the companies tagline it’s not their problem. Pussy: “The drink’s pure, it’s your mind that’s the problem.”

Yeah….that’s it, it’s our minds that are the problem.



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Review and Interview: Subjectified

photo of subjectified documentary pictures
‘Subjectified’ is a documentary by Melissa Tapper Goldman. According to the statement on their website, this documentary was born out of Goldman’s frustration. Personally, I can agree that most art comes out of a similar place.

Goldman said, “I thought I understood the motivations and pressures regarding young women’s sexuality within the community where I grew up, but I had no clue what sexuality meant for other women around the country. I thought I understood what might make a teenage mother decide to raise a baby, or for a religious person to practice abstinence, but the models in my mind for why girls have sex just didn’t add up to a believable picture. Why do girls have sex? Or why don’t they have sex? Pressure? Libido? Emotional dependence? I realized that I drew many assumptions from examples in media rather than from real life, since few of us ever hear such intimate details from anyone but our closest friends. And even my own experiences come filtered through expectations shaped by stories drawn from external sources including television, movies and magazines.”

To explore this topic, Goldman interviewed nine women from different cultures, upbringings, all ranging from age 19-28. All of these women were asked why they have sex today, what their first experience with sexuality was like, their current sexuality, about sex education in school and what they learned, and finally, about fertility and contraception. A few of the women gave examples of their favorite sexual experience and how they felt and about times where they felt pressured or forced. All of the stories were very similar. All of the women, except the two virgins interviewed, had a time where they had to “talk themselves into” having sex, or felt pressured to have sex. The pressure had varying reasons like “He’ll get it somewhere else”, “He wanted it”, “I did it to shut him up”, etc.

I decided to review this documentary based on a preview I saw. I thought, ‘This documentary would get to the bottom of why women feel this way, why we feel obligated to have sex, why we find our worth in it’. And really, while it scratched the surface of these questions, I didn’t feel that I got any new information from it. I’m a woman, I’ve felt these things—sure, it was comforting to know that everyone has felt this way, too, but we still don’t understand it. I wasn’t given any information about how to combat it, or even about its origins. I guess I felt a little…confused, to be honest.

The documentary is, however, quite interesting. It’s thought-provoking, but still I feel it’s slightly anorexic or worse, maybe even a little watered down. The film, at one hour and forty-nine minutes, I think could benefit from one or two less interviews and maybe a half an hour of background.

In the film, Goldman sits, asking the questions behind the camera, and we never see her or hear her own responses. I would’ve been very interest in her response to this interview. While I enjoyed watching ‘Subjectified’ and felt a little disillusioned with women and their views on sex, I just wanted more. Out of nine women, the nineteen-year-old was the only one I felt had a positive outlook on herself and sex. That’s another angle I would’ve liked Goldman to explore—how this nineteen-year-old is able to say she will not be forced or treated poorly while having sex, but a 28 year old has issues with it….

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