Tony Scott Was More Than Just His Suicide

photo of tony scott pictures
Tony Scott directed one of my all time favorite films, True Romance. I think that it is a perfect movie and it has warped my sense of romantic love forever. I even have blue cowboy boots and sunglasses like the film’s star, Alabama. When I heard he passed away, I was pretty upset. I try to not get emotional over things that don’t directly involve me, but Tony Scott’s death got to me.

Two weeks after Tony Scott took his own life, I went and saw True Romance at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. It was my first time going to Cinespia (which is the film series that took place at the cemetery). I wore my boots and sunglasses and could barely contain my excitement. Before the movie started, Donna Scott spoke. She told stories of Tony, of the making of the film and read a quote from the film that someone had emailed her. They said it was the perfect description of Tony:

Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you’re so cool, you’re so cool, you’re so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I’m not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn.

She kept an even voice until that last line—at “I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn” , her voice broke and so did my heart.

After the movie, Patricia Arquette spoke and I fan-girled out. The last thing she said was, “And Donna, if you’re still here, I remember being at a party and Tony came over to me. He pointed to you, you had all these people around you and he said, ‘Look at her, they’re like bees to honey… and I get to love her.” She cried through saying that.

When it was reported that Tony Scott had jumped off a bridge, taking his own life, rumors swirled. They said he had a brain tumor, they said no one saw it coming, they said there was no note, and then there were several. Recently, toxicology reports were released that found sleeping pills and anti-depressants in his system. These things shouldn’t be shocking. These things also shouldn’t be public knowledge.

I have personal experience with suicide; too much experience. It’s damaging in ways you can’t imagine until you’re in it. The point of this article is to remind people that Tony Scott, while an amazing director and well-known celebrity … was also a husband, a father, and a friend. He’s not a toxicology report; he’s not just a suicide statistic.

Let’s try to keep that in mind as we watch the next celebrity “train wreck”. Instead of watching and reading and wondering what caused their demise, maybe, just maybe, we can practice kindness, and maybe that kindness will spread, and someone will realize that in darkness there is light. Maybe that day they won’t go to the bridge, maybe that day no one will speak of memories of them, maybe no one’s voice will crack at the telling of a good time. Maybe things will change.



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Male Killers More Overt, But No Crueler Than Females

Scales with Men and Women

The recent movie theater massacre in Aurora shocked the country.  On some level, it did to movie-going what 9/11 did to flying—essentially, took away the innocence of what had hitherto been a common, everyday occurrence.

And, predictably, in the face of world-rocking disasters set into place by humans, the situation has been parsed on many levels.  Who was this James Holmes?  Why did he go with “The Joker”?  What could happen to cause a doctoral student to run amok?  What does this mean to the gun-control pissing contest?  Did Holmes’ psychiatrist have an obligation to alert authorities as to his profoundly violent tendencies?

I found myself most intrigued by a piece from Erika Christakis, an administrator at Harvard University, positing that mass murder has a tendency to be … well, a male-dominated club.  While Christakis admits that it’s not like women never kill (and there’s the odd female serial killer that’s floated through history), it’s an inarguable fact that the most shocking acts of violence, including but not limited to mass murder, have been “overwhelmingly perpetrated by men”.

In fact, Christakis goes so far as to say throw out there that “our silence about the huge gender disparity of such violence may be costing lives.”

Hmm …

From Time:

Imagine for a moment if a deadly disease disproportionately affected men. Not a disease like prostate cancer that can only affect men, but a condition prevalent in the general population that was vastly more likely to strike men. Violence is such a condition: men are nine to 10 times more likely to commit homicide and more likely to be its victims. The numbers are sobering when we look at young men. In the U.S., for example, young white males (between ages 14 and 24) represent only 6% of the population, yet commit almost 17% of the murders. For young black males, the numbers are even more alarming (1.2% of the population accounting for 27% of all homicides). Together, these two groups of young men make up just 7% of the population and 45% of the homicides. And, overall, 90% of all violent offenders are male, as are nearly 80% of the victims.

A lot of my teacher friends and colleagues and I have a theory on fighting that goes on in schools—basically, if girls get into a fight, it’s forever.  Oh, they may smile and “make up”, but both sides (and their legions of friends) will never forget the situation.  It gets dragged up repeatedly, often into adulthood.  Boys get pissed at each other, beat the shit out of each other, and have basically forgotten the whole thing within a month and often become friends.

As this has always been my attitude, I found those statistics troubling, to say …

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Possible Link Between Childhood Spanking and Mental Illness?

Cartoon of Dennis the Menace Being Spanked
According to the medical journal Pediatrics, there appears to be a link between childhood spanking and adult mental illness … or at least that’s the headline making the rounds.  (And, in case you can’t tell from my tone here, I’m calling shenanigans on this one)

From Yahoo:

Researchers examined data from more than 34,000 adults and found that being spanked significantly increased the risk of developing mental health issues as adults. According to their results, corporal punishment is associated with mood disorders, including depression and anxiety, as well as personality disorders and alcohol and drug abuse. They estimate that as much as 7 percent of adult mental illness may be attributable to childhood physical punishment, including slapping, shoving, grabbing, and hitting.

I guess my concern is, what exactly is the definition of “spanking” we’re working with here?

I know very few adults, both in my age group and on either end of it, that were not spanked as children at one point or another.  I personally was spanked pretty consistently (which should probably have demonstrated to my parents how ineffective beating on your kid’s butt is as punishment, but that’s a different story), and I don’t think being spanked as a child had any impact on the adult I am whatsoever.

When you get into the stuff that goes beyond spanking, though, the punching and the kicking and the throwing down stairs and smashing little kids into walls, I’m sure the correlation exists.  It’s just the way the reporting out of the study is spun in terms of its title that pisses me off, I guess.

And the fact that it’s pretty much an outrageous attempt to control parenting.

Before I go any further, I feel like I need to state that I have never spanked either of my children.  This has nothing to do with any sort of noble mindset or belief that it’ll screw them up or anything, but more because I have found that either logical consequences (you hit a kid with a baseball bat, so we’re canceling your birthday party) or revoking privileges are far more effective.  I mean, if she thinks her iPhone is at stake, my older daughter will do pretty much anything I ask.

The thing is, though, establishing the idea of logical consequences and revoking privileges is something that needs to be started at …

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Big Surprise: Sexual Harassment Leads to Health Woes

Cartoon of Man Slapped After Sexually Abusing a Woman

I suppose we owe a debt of gratitude to Herman Cain, in some strange way.  The seriousness of sexual harassment has come once more into the forefront, and that means that conversations are happening.

Important ones.

I realize that sometimes the line gets blurred, that people take things the wrong way, and so on … but the fact remains that sexual harassment is a problem.  A big one.

And Fox News recently ran a piece pointing out that there are medical repercussions of suffering sexual harassment.

Serious ones.

And the truth of the matter is, virtually all of these areas of concern are made …

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