It Is Okay To Have Specific Tastes

Our world is changing in some very positive ways. One of those is an increased focus upon qualities aside from (male) wealth and (female) appearance when it comes to finding someone and forming a relationship. It’s becoming less and less socially accepted to openly refer to someone as fat outside of a setting of comedy, whether that person is a celebrity or a classmate. Multiple ideas of beauty are being embraced by real people, and even appearing on television.

These changes are coming slowly, but it’s a significant improvement over how things were in the past. Obviously, we have a long ways to go. By the time that we reach a point as a society at which even middle schoolers will not make negative comments about another’s weight (if such a point could ever be reached), we should probably (hopefully!) no longer have any weight issues remaining. Honestly, I expect for people to be able to pop a pill to lose ten pounds safely and reliably long before humanity grows up enough for middle schoolers to be nice to each other.

Seriously, barring traumatic experiences, middle school is usually the worst period in a person’s life. Those three years bring out the absolute worst in everyone.

Equally seriously, when will they make a pill that eradicates ten pounds of fat when you take it? I don’t care if it works because of fat-seeking nanites or because of fairy dust, I just want for it to work and be available over-the-counter and be affordable.

But, my point is that people are maturing a bit and growing sensitive to a wider range of ideas about what is beautiful. Sometimes people take it too far, with “real women” nonsense. You can say that Ariel from The Little Mermaid isn’t a “real woman” because she is a fictional character invented by Disney, not because she has a very slender torso. Most people know to reject the “real women have curves” nonsense. Real women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

If you like larger men or women, voluptuous or larger, that’s fine. If you like guys and girls who are incredibly skinny, that is also fine. No one has moral superiority for preferring one over the other. If you agree with Freddy Mercury that fat-bottomed girls make the rocking world go ’round, you don’t deserve a special applause or award because you don’t like size-zero A-cups. All shapes and sizes means all shapes and sizes.

And yet . . . I have noticed that some people take the all-shapes-and-sizes thing too far. That is to say: some people think that it is no longer okay to have specific taste in how men and/or women appear.

This is not true. Specific tastes are why a world in which everyone appears as beautiful as they can imagine themselves would still be a wondrous and diverse world.

We should not shame or devalue someone for having a specific trait (body size, hair length, race, height). Obviously. But just because we won’t make a value judgment on a person does not mean that we all find everyone equally attractive.

This sounds obvious, right? But I see confused sentiments online all of the time: “Like this if you think that this girl is beautiful.” If it’s to show a girl that many people online find her beautiful, despite whatever flaw she sees in herself (for this example, let’s say that she’s insecure about having freckles). But if it’s an attempt to shame anyone who does not “like” the image, that’s a huge step in the wrong direction.

My taste in guys* is pretty broad, I think. I like surfer guys and nerd-hot guys and emo guys and (though I just opened up to the idea a few years ago) guys with dreadlocks. I tend to like guys who are rail-thin through guys who are tall and beefy. I’m not big on much body hair and I am not a fan of body fat (so, yeah, if I were straight I would be one of those guys who likes girls with traditional magazine cover bodies. Hell, even now I’m like: “Damn, Nina Dobrev and Jennifer Lawrence are gorgeous.”).

But, you know what, there are plenty of people whom I don’t find that attractive. It may be because of their hair or weight or skin.**

And that is okay.

Not being physically attracted to someone because you are, personally, not attracted to some of his or her physical traits is normal. You might find that that person has a compelling personality, or a great sense of humor, or a keen intellect, or good taste in television shows. Any positive trait*** will do.

Not being attracted to, say, Koreans? That’s a particular taste; it’s not racist. (I’d call it daft, though, but if I talk about how attractive the Korean ethnic group is I’ll sound like a eugenicist).

We all have our tastes in people just like we have tastes in music and food. Let’s not shame people for not liking skinny people or not liking fat people. I mean, it’s not like they don’t like macaroni and cheese.

Because that is a deal-breaker.


*If you want names to Google, my tastes run like: Avan Jogia to Jared Padalecki to Jason Momoa to Harry Styles to Keith Hamilton Cobb to Humpemsquaw to Chris Hemsworth to Boo Boo Stewart to Choi Seung-hyun (T.O.P.) to Steven R. McQueen. I maintain that my tastes are reasonably diverse.

**Not being attracted to you doesn’t mean that I’ll say: “No.” I mean, there are other attractive qualities, like being funny or intelligent or being a good person. Also, I’m a big fan of the: “Well, I’m not attracted to him but he was there,” which I’ve found is a great reason to sleep with someone. So long as that person is not physically repulsive. Am I right? Any other proud sluts in the house?

***Another positive trait is “being rich.” That is a super attractive trait. Just because society is no longer as hung up upon whether your prospective husband will “be a good provider” does not mean that you aren’t allowed to care about something like that.

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Elizabeth Banks is Better Than You—Just Ask Her

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Elizabeth Banks is a mother of two and a successful actress. Naturally, we want to know her thoughts on how regular women should look after having a baby because Banks is an expert on these things, of course. When asked about it she said:

“I think, a true disservice what’s going on right now with all these celebrity moms … [F]irst of all, I just want to remind people that celebrities generally are genetically superior human beings on a certain level anyway … they’re mostly thin, you know, they’ve got trainers, they work out, they’ve got money, they’ve got the ability, you know, and they are normally genetically predisposed to being thin people anyway, so like these women who are holding up, you know, certain people as their benchmark after they’ve had a child, like just go be with your kid for a minute … don’t get to the gym right away. It’s alright. This is not how it’s supposed to be, everybody. Calm down.”

Oh, so you’re genetically superior to me because someone pays you a lot of money to do ridiculous things? They also pay people to spend two to five hours making you look pretty, they pay people to write the things you say, and a person to tell you what to do, and all of that makes you genetically superior. Okay, you’re superior to me so please tell me about how I should fell about having a baby since you’ve had two…OH NO WAIT YOU DIDN’T!

That’s right, Elizabeth Banks is saying she’s better than you and you shouldn’t worry about getting back in shape because you’re not like her who is predisposed to being thin. Except Elizabeth Banks didn’t have to worry about getting in shape because she didn’t give birth to her children, she paid someone to do that for her, just like she pays people to make her pretty, and thin, and famous.

Shut up, Elizabeth Banks, nothing about you is superior except maybe your stupidity and lack of tact.

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Lovely Ladies

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First of all, all women who are not imaginary are “real women.” Five feet tall or six feet tall, ninety pounds or three-hundred pounds. Are they real? Are they women? Then they are, in fact, real women.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, I want to talk about women on television. On 30 Rock, Jack Donaghy insists at one point that a female character who has gained weight needs to either immediately lose 30 pounds or gain 60—anything in between “has no place on television.” It’s a funny line, because it’s a funny show. But I think that we all know what he was talking about.

No matter how beautiful they might be, women in television tend to be wedged into certain body-shapes, particularly if the audience is supposed to believe that they are attractive. Oh, the exact size of the actress’ clothing might change—there is a range (a range that often increases during times of economic struggle, oddly enough—remember the “top-heavy” models of the early 1980s?). Think about, say, Penny from The Big Bang Theory (a show which could get its own ranting post for a number of reasons).

There are some key examples that are wonderful deviations from this type while remaining beautiful. Did you guys watch Dollhouse, one of the best shows ever made (and, in particular, the best thing that Joss Whedon has every done—which is saying quite a lot)? Eliza Dushku and Dichen Lachman certainly fit the bill for the particular type of stunning beauty that we are accustomed to seeing on television. And, to be clear, there is nothing wrong with that. These are beautiful women. Were I sexually interested in women, that would almost certainly be my preferred body-type. But do you know who else was on that show and gorgeous? Miracle Laurie. She is so pretty, you guys. And she is definitely not fat. But she is definitely not slender, either. Still gorgeous. I love that she was on television, and on television playing …

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Articles Intended to “Improve One’s Sex Life” Continue to be Asinine

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I always find it entertaining (and more than a little bit disheartening) that people are so quick to read glaring headlines like “5 Things Wrecking Your Sex Life” because, let’s face it, most of it is either a) obvious, b) for the vast minority, or c) set up for shock value (a la the whole Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon).

So yeah, according to My Daily Moment, here are five areas of concern when it comes to snafus in your sex life.

1. Getting Grossed Out – Let’s face it – the human body doesn’t always produce the sexiest smells, areas of hair or secretions. If you flinch at the hint of a little B.O. down there, an untrimmed bikini line or the thought of bodily fluids touching you anywhere, you could be turning your partner off, or even worse, offending him or her.

There are a few ways you can overcome the “ick” factor – only have intercourse in or right after a shower, turn the lights off to avoid looking at things you don’t like and keep plenty of towels or tissues on hand for liquid mishaps.

So, basically, you should plan your sex life based on the shower?

And maybe I’m totally off-base here, but if you’re flinching at bodily fluids, you have bigger problems than your sex life.  And furthermore, isn’t implying that sex should be a lights-off activity sort of implying that there’s something wrong with your body?  I know a lot of women that hate having sex with the lights on because they have body image issues … way to reinforce this, Daily Moment!

2. Being Afraid to Experiment – Instead of laughing in his or her face the next time your partner suggests a sexy cowgirl getup or edible underwear, give it a try. You could find it silly, but it may increase the pleasure your partner experiences and rejecting him or her could kill the mood. Unless it’s something you morally object to or might cause you harm, go for it. Who knows — you might even discover that being “Nurse Betty” is your thing.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I met some very bizarre men on the dating circuit, which is kind of a tough playing field when you’re in your almost-mid-thirties.  One of them asked, on our first (and, needless to say, only) date, if he could pee on me during sex.  Now, getting peed on is not something I morally object to and it probably wouldn’t cause me harm … but I do find it disgusting.  According to this, maybe I should have given it a try??

I also believe that, by implying the word “experimentation” in a sexual context involves things like cowgirl outfits and edible …

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