Another Rich White Man Wants To Give You Advice About Your Vagina

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Roman Polanski, for those of you who don’t know, is a very famous director with a very gross past. Firstly, his family suffered in a concentration camp, then his wife was murdered by the Manson family, and then he raped a 13 year-old-girl. That all happened.

I never liked Polanski because of the way he treated his late wife, Sharon Tate, and then he raped a little girl (in my boo Jack Nicholson’s house) so I really didn’t like him. Then I watched his documentary  and I was like, “okay maybe—just maybe I gave this guy a hard time” I mean, even his rape victim has come and said, “Meh” over it all. Or more accurately, “Well it was, because I was 13. But he didn’t mean to hurt me, he thought it was all right and I was just scared and it was bad. But it wasn’t as bad as grand jury testimony, it wasn’t as bad as having my sons traumatized by paparazzi. You shouldn’t be damaged more by the court than by the crime.” She left out the part about how it was also rape because he drugged her–but minor details, am I right?

After reading that I felt a little better about thinking Polanski got a raw deal in life. Then I watched some Sharon Tate/Manson documentary in which someone spoke about how Polanski never wanted kids but that’s all Sharon wanted. She wanted a baby and Roman was angry when she became pregnant. He even left her alone—a lot, not wanting to be near her. Now he has two children. Kind of a dick move.  Needless to say Polanski is walking a fine line with me—but now he’s crossed it.

“I think it’s a pity that now offering flowers to a lady becomes indecent … That’s how I feel about it. I think that trying to level the genders is purely idiotic. I think it’s a result of, like everything else and I will be Marxist here, of progress in medicine and these are outcomes of it. I think that the Pill has changed greatly the woman of our times, masculinized her … that chases away the romance from our lives and that’s a great pity.”

Are you f***ing kidding me? The Pill stops you from giving flowers? What does that even mean?!!? And the Pill does not “masculinize” you—unless you mean it gives women the power when it comes to sex. Oh, that’s what he means? F*ck you, Polanski. Without birth control I am even more of a crazy b*tch and I have excruciating pain to go with it. YOU LIVE WITH THAT EVERY MONTH. Yes, I know he’s dealt with pain but all the things I listed above do not happen to him every month, and yes I just compared my period to the murder of his wife—but you know what he wasn’t there because he didn’t even care enough to be with his 8 month pregnant wife so I doubt it hurt that much. It was probably more of an inconvenience because he is a cold bastard. He also didn’t care about raping a child because he just fled to Europe so he wouldn’t have to be bothered with it.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. What is this fad with old white men talking about women’s rights like they know? YOU DON’T KNOW SO SHUT UP!

That’s it, I am never watching Rosemary’s Baby ever again.



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A Follow-Up: The Miami University Pro-Rape Flyer

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Last fall, a flyer was posted in a male dorm bathroom at Miami University in Ohio. It had been made by an Freshman student who had already been creating havoc and destruction in the dormitory. The flyer contained disgusting tips on how to successfully rape a girl (and get away with it). It was quickly found by an R.A. and taken down. The R.A. was instructed to tell no one.

In case you can’t read the image, this is what it says:
Top Ten Ways to Get Away with Rape
1) Put drugs in the woman’s drink, that way she won’t remember you.
2) When you see a woman walking by herself, take advantage by the fact that she is alone.
3) Wear protection.
4) If a woman’s window is unlocked, sneak in and rape her to teach her not to do it again.
5) Sex with an unconscious body does count, so don’t back down if she’s sleeping.
6) Honesty is the best policy, if the girl says she doesn’t want to have sex tell her you are going to get her a drink, slip some roofies in it and you’ll have her in bed in no time.
7) Practice makes perfect, the more you rape, the better you get at it.
8) If you are afraid the girl will identify you, slit her throat.
9) Never take pictures with or give your number to the girl you rape.
10) RAPE RAPE RAPE, it’s college boys, live it up!!

Disgusting. He has either a sick sense of humor or is seriously sick.

The school tried tried to keep it quiet while considering punishment for the student. However, news of the event leaked out. The student body roared in disgust, at both the Freshman for posting this, and at the school for trying to keep the event quiet.

I was a student at Miami University when this occurred. I was in shock. Sure, sometimes email alerts went out about girls being attacked, and I even worked in junction with the Rape Crisis unit in town. This is known to be a very safe school in the middle of nowhere. There are no “bad” neighborhoods around campus that girls are afraid to be alone in.

Everyone was still surprised and appalled that someone would have the audacity to, well.. be such an asshole. I didn’t have a single class that week where we didn’t discuss the flyer.

The student pled guilty of disorderly conduct, presumably paid a fine of $100 or less, and is no longer a student at Miami.

I am a proud Alumni of this college. In 2012, Miami University was ranked third by US News in Undergraduate Teaching Methodology. Third, after Dartmouth and Princeton. This is a great academic education. I also met so many wonderful people and made so many wonderful memories at this college.

Not only am I disgusted that people like this exist, but I am also disgusted that this tarnishes my school. We already have to deal with the reputation of having educated Ben Rapelisberger. I mean, Roethlisberger.

The story made the Cincinnati news and many student organizations reacted to the event. The story circulated the internet and ended up here. As a reader at the time, I was tempted to leave a very long comment giving more information. Now you know. There are terrible people no matter where you go, including safe little college towns in the middle of nowhere. This is why I own a pink taser.



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Don’t Mess With Rodham

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I cannot wait for Rodham to come out. In case you don’t know, Rodham¸ is the biopic of Hilary Rodham Clinton. Amazing , I know. I was so excited when I heard this was happening especially because they said it would be filled with cursing, sex, and pant suits. You can’t lose with that!

 

Now, however, I am very nervous about this. I do not want studios to screw this up and it looks like they’re going to. Four big name actresses are rumored to be vying for this role and they are: Scarlett Johansson, Resse Witherspoon, Jessica Chastian, and Amanda Seyfried.  Ahhhhh, hell no.

 

Rodham director James Ponsoldt told a newspaper, “They’re all wonderful actresses. We’re very fortunate that a lot of really great actors are interested in playing these roles. We’re in an enviable position.”  You shut up Pondsoldt! You shut up right now! Out of those four there is only one person that should be considered and that person is Jessica Chastain.

 

I’m sorry but Scarlett Johansson is a piece of crap actress and human being that should exclude her from portraying Hilary. Resse Witherspoon? You’re killing me. You are freaking killing me. No. No. NO! I cannot stand that pointy chinned stuck up snot. She cannot shine Hilary’s shoes let alone bring her to life! I’m still mad at Amanda Seyfried for Les Miserable so I cannot allow her to do this. That leaves the wonderful, talented, gorgeous, Jessica Chastian.

 

I’m not wrong on this—I’m just not. I’m pretty sure if Reese, Scarlett, or Amanda get this role our economy will drop again and the constitution will be amended to allow George W. Bush a third term. That’s how bad I feel this film would be. It will be a detriment to our world. Don’t do it studios…don’t do it.

 

Who do you think should play Hilary? Personally, I think Jennifer Lawrence would kill it.



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I Think I Understand Weddings

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A few years ago two of my friends got married. I’d know them the longest out of everyone and so, when they tied the knot I thought, “Okay—so this is over.” I thought that my “everyone I know is getting married” phase was done. I mean, it made sense—these were the two people that meant more to me than anyone else and they got married so whatever—it’s done.
I didn’t think that two years later I would be inundated with weddings and marriage. I never thought it would bother me since I have no interest in getting married. I always thought that marriage was outdated and a waste of money. I thought it would be way too much to do and I would just be stressed and hate it and it’s all over in a day anyway. So I didn’t want marriage, until now—kinda…I guess.
I have been following the planning of at least three weddings and I think I get it. I think I understand why people do this. I’ll watch a girl getting ready at a hair salon and I’ll think, “She must feel so excited. I’m never going to feel that.” Then I remind myself that is not a reason to spend $40,000. Any excitement I would feel at getting ready would be diminished by the fact that I am spending a boatload of cash for a day.
Then there’s this other part of me that thinks, “there is so much love there”. There is one wedding in particular that anytime I saw an event, bachelorette/bachelor party, wedding planning, rehearsal dinner, and the like, anytime I saw these things it was so full of love and happiness. These people were head over ass for each other and everyone involved was so happy to celebrate that love. They were so excited to see these two people get married. That’s when it hit me. That’s what a wedding is. It’s not about a dress, or a party, or how much money you spend. It’s about finding a perfect partner and celebrating that with everyone you love. It’s about solidifying yourselves as a family.
I can’t believe I get weddings. I can’t believe I turned into that girl. Man, I hope in two years I don’t start understanding having kids. I cannot start understanding “jam-hands” and snotty noses and lifelong commitments to keeping another human being alive and safe.
What are some things that you thought you would never want that as you got older you started to understand? Please leave it in the comments so I don’t feel like a such a traitor to myself.



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