Holy Porn, Vatican

Everyone does it. It’s normal. It’s natural. It’s part of life. We all stream. We all download torrents! Nothing to be ashamed about, I’m streaming as I type. Whenever I stream I use my “incognito window” of Google Chrome because I don’t want my work to see what I’m doing (I’m aware they still can, I’m aware of the capabilities of spying on employees). Anyway, I do it because I want to hide what I’m doing—however I know I can’t, that gives me a leg up on the Vatican.

The people at Torrent Freak have found that someone with the Vatican IP address is downloading porn. Oh yeah, that’s happening. It’s not your run of the mill “oh the pizza dilveray boy is here” porn…this is BDSM. Things like “Whipped Ass”, “Russian Slaves”, and “TS Pussy Hunters”….what does the TS stand for? I better go back to church and find out.

Aside from this being against everything they preach and are allowed to do…it’s also illegal! DOWNLOADING ILLEGAL BDSM?!!? Catholics, here I come! Viewing parties at the Vatican aren’t new, in January, a priest mentioned in an interview that they’d watched “Django Unchained”. What else is on the viewing list? “Love, Actually,” “Chicago Fire,” British soap “Neighbours” and “The Americans.” The Vatican is kind of a cool place to hang out…amiright?

It’s old news that religion is outdated and rarely practices what they preach….but the fact that they are illegally downloading porn instead of just going to YouPorn, or  any other of the hundreds of free sites…baffles me. Now when people ask me why I’m an atheist my answer will be, “I cannot support something that buys the cow when they can get the milk for free.” Porn, whatever I get that–that makes sense…but Chicago Fire? Really? I’m sorry I can’t support that.

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Rainbow Bright–Man Takes On Westboro Baptist Church

The Westboro Baptist Church is probably the most deplorable congregation of people ever to walk the face of the Earth. They do nothing but spew hate speech and manipulate the minds of the ignorant and the young. What they preach doesn’t even make sense—but that doesn’t matter and this article isn’t about WBC. This article is about Aaron Jackson.
Aaron Jackson is the co-founder of Planting Peace, a non-profit aimed at providing sustainable initiatives to impoverished areas. Jackson says he was looking up the “church” on Google Earth when he noticed a ‘for sale’ sign on the house across the street from the “church” headquarters. That’s when he decided to buy it.
Planting Peace purchased the home and moved into the neighborhood. “[Westboro owns] the majority of the homes in the community, and I walk through the area every day, and I see them running in between each other’s houses,” Jackson said. “One day I was walking, and Shirley Phelps [one of Westboro's main spokespeople and the daughter of the church's leader, Fred Phelps] was on her four-wheeler. And I said, ‘Hey guys, how are you?’ And [she and her husband] responded, ‘Oh, we’re good. How are you?’ We had a short conversation, and she was extremely nice, and she made a joke and we all laughed.”

Shirley Phelps probably wasn’t laughing when Jackson decided to spruce up the house he bought. He decided to paint the exterior—not a strange thing to do when you purchase a home—but Jackson decided to paint the house a rainbow and use the home for LGBT rights headquarters. “The reason I haven’t gotten into the gay rights activism is because, in a sense, it’s almost silly — it’s 2013, are we really still in this position? It just seems ludicrous,” said Jackson. “But it is a real issue and kids are killing themselves. I’ve wanted to do something, and I knew when I saw that house for sale that it all came together. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m a little crazy and there’s no red tape in my charity. When I want to do something, I do it.”
“We want this house to be a message that where there’s hate, there’s also love. But we also want to raise awareness and capital, and we want to put all that money into creating and sustaining anti-bullying programs, along with supporting anti-bullying programs that already exist,” he said. “Beyond the symbolic message of the home, [the house] will be utilized by volunteers to live here, and these volunteers will work on promoting equality anywhere in the world and managing these anti-bullying initiatives that we plan on creating.”

Jackson says he’s already noticed members of the church coming by to take pictures.


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The Ex-Benedict

Let me start this post by saying I am not Catholic and I do not mean to offend any Catholics with this post—I have studied Catholicism so I am not completely ignorant on the topic. With this said, again, I intend no offense this is satire, this is opinion, this is jest. This is not fact this is my stance on it.

Pope Benedict XVI announced that he will be resigning as Pope. This is the first time a Pope has stepped down in almost 500 years. Pope Benedict XVI is eighty-five-years-old and I can see why he would feel tired and not quite up to the job. I mean, you can start collecting social security in the United States at age sixty-five. I think the average retirement age is around sixty-five/seventy. This guy’s fifteen years passed that…he’s tired I get it.

My problem with the Pope stepping down is I didn’t realize this was a job you could quit. Again, I am not Catholic—this impacts me in no way but I think it’s making a pretty big statement. The Pope’s official statement was:

“As you know, I have decided to renounce the ministry that the Lord gave to me on April 19, 2005,I did this in full liberty for the good of the church.”

Hang on, hold the phone—the Lord gave you this job? God handed this mission, this position, this title to you and you are saying “no thanks?” Can you do that? I don’t think so…I’m pretty sure if God says do this…you do it. But again, I’m not Catholic maybe it works differently in the Catholic church—maybe you get to pick and choose what you listen to when God talks.

Maybe it was too much to deal with: delivering mass, dealing with moving pedophiles around, dealing with those pictures of him the SS uniform, Twitter. I mean that’s a lot for an eighty-five year old he probably just wants to chill out and catch up on Breaking Bad like the rest of us. I doubt he’s even gotten a chance to start House of Cards it’s not fair to ask him to fulfill the role that God gave him. God just asked too much.
Well, it’s been swell Pope Benedict XVI but I guess the swellings gone down. Hopefully, the church will elect…I mean…God will choose a younger Pope with a more progressive stance on women, contraceptive, homosexuality, hashtags and the like. Only time… I mean God…will tell.

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Blurring The Lines Between Ridicule And Hate

photo of orthodox jew pictures
I’m sorry about the title, but at least I didn’t include the word “unorthodox.”

Have you guys read this article about a group of male, highly Orthodox Jews in Jerusalem who may be taking up the habit of wearing glasses that lessen their vision. They would do this so that, when in public (or, in some cases, in private), they will not find themselves tempted by attractive women who do not dress conservatively (I hate the term “immodest” when describing women’s clothing).

I say may, because this is mostly rumor. I mean, we’ve heard rumors of “epidemics” of teenagers getting drink off of hand-sanitizer and vodka-soaked tampons. These things have a tendency to be a lot less popular than the rumors about them.

Either way, the writer of this particular article, Elad Nehorai, was not reporting this story. He was discussing the various articles and blog posts about it. He took offense to the mocking tone with which the story was reported. To his view, many people are taking this opportunity to ridicule a group of religious people for being “wacky” in a way that does not harm anyone else. He also points out that some bloggers seemed to really just make fun of the Orthodox community as a whole.

I would agree that deeply religious men who limit the scope of their senses in order to avoid temptation are really only harming themselves. I also do not doubt that there are any number of anti-Semitic and anti-religious bloggers who took this story and ran with it.

But that does not mean that everyone who pokes fun at men with healthy vision who are so concerned about avoiding temptation …

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