Category Archives: relationships

The Triangular Theory of Love

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The relationship triangular of love is not the same as a “love triangle”. This is surely not that time in middle school when you and your BFF were major crushing on that cute boy with spiky gelled hair.

Rather, this concept states that a healthy, balanced love is comprised of intimacy, passion, and commitment. All three. With only one or two of those categories, relationships fail.

Surely modern feminists seek to be emotionally healthy. Knowing what you want in life is important, but knowing how to ask for it is also important. Being damaged may be popular, but being healthy is better.

  1. Intimacy
  2. Passion
  3. Commitment

I demand to know why this was not taught to us from Day One. We should have learned in Kindergarten what it takes to make love work. If not Kidnergarten, why not High School where we experienced falling in love? Us ladies had the health talk from the school nurse in the fifth grade about our impending periods. They could have sent in the nurse to tell us the truth about love that day, too.

I have countless friends who constantly lament their relationship problems. Sometimes I fall into that category as well. In young adulthood, we humans tend to seek emotional fulfillment through relationships. Our young attitudes are attempting to adjust to love versus sex and love combined with sex. We may choose to try a bit of one, both, or neither.

The above diagram fully explains the minutae. It isn’t that complex. I’m not instructing you on how to live your life or what relationships to have. This is simply the common equation for what many people strive to have. Most people would be happiest in a relationship that contains intimacy, passion, and commitment.

  1. Just infatuation = Passion
  2. Just Commitment = Empty Love
  3. Just (emotional) Intimacy = Liking
  4. Intimacy + Passion = Romantic Love
  5. Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love
  6. Commitment + Intimacy = Companionate Love
  7. All 3 = Consummate Love



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Porn and Feminism

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Don’t google “funny porn picture”.

Just ask wikipedia: what do Feminists think about pornography?

“Feminist views of pornography range from condemnation of pornography as a form of violence against women, to an embracing of some forms of pornography as a medium of feminist expression. Feminist debate on this issue reflects larger concerns surrounding feminist views on sexuality, and is closely related to feminist debates on prostitution, BDSM, and other issues. Pornography has been one of the most divisive issues in feminism, particularly among feminists in anglophone countries. This deep division between feminists was exemplified in the Feminist Sex Wars of the 1980s, which pitted anti-pornography feminism against sex-positive feminism.”

Got it, ok, thanks.

The other side of the coin from pornography production would be pornography viewership. As with many other lifestyle choices, the choice to view pornography has destroyed many relationships and lives. That being said, it is also quite common currently for spouses to divorce over juvenile Facebook drama. Make your own choices responsibly and keep in mind the preferences of your relationship partner.

The arguments concerning pornography are as old as the technology they are represented upon. The basic idea behind anti-porn feminism focuses on the negativity of pornography. Meanwhile, the sex-positive feminists focus on the positive sides of porn. As there are a myriad of both positives and negatives to pornography, perhaps everyone should shut up.

What I find most pertinent to the debate’s merit is the welfare of the women in the videos. If they are choosing to partake in such acts of their own free will and not out of monetary necessity, then I am glad for everyone involved.



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Picture Perfect Romance

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I’ve discussed my new distaste for Johnny Depp but I would be lying if I said I didn’t find his and Wynonna Ryder’s relationship romantic. It just was. It was back in the 90’s and they were the hipster couple before hipster couples were cool.

The reason I’m even talking about this is The National Enquierer released a laughable story about how Ryder is trying win back Depp. They say that Depp’s new squeeze, Amber Heard, wants him to go public with their relationship but that Depp doesn’t want to (because what 40-something-year-old-man doesn’t want the world knowing he’s with a 20-something-year-old model?). So, Heard is heading back to the arms of her ex-lesbian lover and Ryder is going to steal Depp.

Nonsense. Utter nonsense. But still…it got me thinking about Johnny Depp’s loves. He’s always rushed into being engaged and his only real long term relationship was with Vanessa Paradis but I think his relationships are some of the most romantic I’ve seen—mainly because I’ve seen them. Depp has a thing about being photographed with his ladies and the pictures always look like something out of Wuthering Heights. This new enquirer story gave me an excuse to walk down Johnny Depp relationship photo lane. Here are some of my favorites:

Johnny and Wynonna–stop it. Look at that. Just look at it. On the left we have romantic passion on the right adorable cuteness. You can’t have both! You can’t have all things! Your relationship ends.

I mean, the man knows how to lay with a woman and who holds a head like that? When you’re just having a conversation who cups the back of someone’s head? Who? No one. Stop faking life Johnny Depp.

 

This is by far my favorite Depp relationship picture. If you Google Depp and Paradis you get a million candid shots of them hugging and kissing. But this shot–to me–embodies all that is romantic. Then I remember that he cheated on this woman, who is the mother of his two children, for a 20-something-year-old-model.

Nothing is picture perfect.



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Farrah Abraham, Please Go Away.

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There is no shortage of bad role models out there for women but I have to say I think the “women” of Teen Mom should be…well should be out of my daily news feed. I can’t believe we celebrate and pay teen mothers for horrible decisions. They should be cautionary tales not ratings!

The worst offender of this is Farrah Abraham, that’s her holding hands with James Deen. I don’t watch the show but a good friend does and from what I can gather of seeing Farrah in my daily news…she’s a wreck. I know she’s not a good mother, I know she spent her money on plastic surgery; I know she tried waxing her three-year-old’s eyebrows and the latest is she’s done porn.

I don’t give a rats butt about porn, if this woman wants to be a porn star that’s her business. I know plenty of people who work in that industry and not all of them are Jenna Jameson addicts with rage issues. Some are quite well balanced and good parents.

Anyway, Farrah does an X-rated film with the top porn star of the day: James Deen. I’ve written about Deen before and I’ve watched his films. Turns out he’s a super sweet guy, comes from a good family, and doesn’t get caught up in drama (see the wonderful Canyons expose in the NYTimes). So, Farrah does this porn and doesn’t want to talk about it unless you’re willing to buy it for two million dollars (my-my-my don’t we think highly of ourselves). But Deen doesn’t care so he tells TMZ that yeah, they made porn and she’s a sweet girl.

Like the class act she is Farrah pins it all on him saying, “I don’t have good things to say about him so I don’t think I should talk about it.” “He was being disrespectful to a woman and I think things have gone to his head and he wasn’t getting any attention. So he should get out of the public eye because he’s not a good person” (this was said because he called her out on making a porn for attention and let the cat out of the bag that they had sex on tape).  “He’s a user”. Oh…he’s a user? Riiiiight. “I just want my privacy back.” Which is why she made a sex tape… “I don’t need to talk negatively about someone because I don’t have anything nice to say. He should really get out of the porn industry because things have gone to his head, he does not respect women….his penis is small.” So, you don’t need to talk negatively—but you will and then you’ll say his has a small dick. You’re saying a porn star…the leading porn star in the industry—in your opinion has a small penis…gurl….go home.

When asked if she liked the tape she said “I personally hired people to do that, it’s like a wedding video. You expect your video to be good not bad”. WTF?!?!? She goes on to say how shocked she is that he was unprofessional by admitting they made a porn. At this point her mother jumps in saying that he, Deen, was trying to exploit and disgrace their whole family, this from the woman whose daughter is the star of two seasons of Teen Mom. She also doesn’t think Farrah knew they were making a video….even though her daughter just said she hired people to make a video.

These people…you know it’s a pretty sad day when the porn star is the classiest person in your triangle. To keep things classy Farrah posted this video of her showing how she uses a breathalyzer to start her car…classy.



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