Where Is America’s Daddy Leave?

America is not so forward thinking as we would hope. Sure, occasionally gay people gain a few rights, and now we can reference those times we elected a half black President. This does not mean that America is any where near reaching the equality mark for any area of discrimination.

People don’t want to hear that we live in a discriminatory patriarchal world anymore, but the numbers don’t lie. Paternal leave is rarely offered in America. Women are in fact still penalized for maternity leave- after her fourth maternity leave, the CEO of Crest White Strips was asked to step down. Instead, she took her case to court.

In Sweden, the men are very much pushed into accepting their equal rights to a leave from work after a child is born. In 1995, Sweden introduced “daddy leave”. It had an immediate impact. No father was forced to stay home, but the family lost one month of subsidies if he did not. Soon more than 80% of men accepted paternal leave. Obviously, men could not as readily validate staying at work whilst losing money.

Money is a great motivator, but pride works even better. The pride that keeps these men at work when they have the paid option at to be at home with their lovely offspring is the same pride that makes them now accept parental leaves. Since the better option has now been normalized, men are capable of accepting their newfound equality.

This is not merely a fight for equal rights for women in the workplace, but also for equal rights for men in the home. The right to stay home with your child is not one afforded to most American men, and we are supposedly a superpower country.

Gender roles are so deeply, socially ingrained from birth that it seems we can do nothing to fight Sweden’s fight. Luckily, other countries are following suit: Germany, Portugal, and Iceland.

I take at this legislation as something that America is not good at: preventative measures. While this law has helped lower the divorce rate, raise women’s pay by seven percent, fight gender inequality, and probably more often raises strongly attached children, America can’t be interested in it because it is not a quick fix.

This isn’t just about parental leave, but gender equality in general. Only twelve of the five hundred CEOS of Fortune 500 companies are women. I know that national pride is important, but it is hard to be proud of my supposed super power homeland when they are not capable of doing so many things that a tiny, peaceful country of Sweden can do.



You Might Also Like ...

Would You Break the Law to Change Your Kid’s Grades?

Comic about Parents and Grades
I fear for the youth of today.  Seriously fear for them.  Not because of global warming or cyberterrorism or a zombie apocalypse, but because of their parents.

I’ve been quite outspoken on my distress that helicopter parenting has elevated (heh heh) to a point that would have seemed ridiculous a generation ago, and I keep hoping I’ll be proven overly cynical, the girl who cried wolf, or completely wrong.  After all, I am personally invested in this serious problem as a citizen, an educator, and … well, someone who sees an awful of parents whose kids control them the way a puppeteer directs a marionette.

But I think I’m right about this one, much to my chagrin.

There are news stories that crop up all the time, giving credence to my theory that far too many underage inmates are running an increasing number of asylums.

Consider this, from Time Magazine:

A Pennsylvania woman faces six felony charges for doing just that. Catherine Venusto, 45, hacked into the Northwestern Lehigh School District computer system and altered the grades of her two children, ABC News reports. Venusto had worked at the district as an administrative office secretary from 2008 through April, 2011. A year before she quit, Venusto, of New Tripoli, Penn., had been accused of changing her daughter’s failing grade to a medical exception. And in February, 2012, she was accused of changing her son’s 98 to a 99.

I have worked in enough school districts to know that, if a medical exception is warranted, it is given.  In fact, it’s not exactly difficult…

Continue reading



You Might Also Like ...

Possible Link Between Childhood Spanking and Mental Illness?

Cartoon of Dennis the Menace Being Spanked
According to the medical journal Pediatrics, there appears to be a link between childhood spanking and adult mental illness … or at least that’s the headline making the rounds.  (And, in case you can’t tell from my tone here, I’m calling shenanigans on this one)

From Yahoo:

Researchers examined data from more than 34,000 adults and found that being spanked significantly increased the risk of developing mental health issues as adults. According to their results, corporal punishment is associated with mood disorders, including depression and anxiety, as well as personality disorders and alcohol and drug abuse. They estimate that as much as 7 percent of adult mental illness may be attributable to childhood physical punishment, including slapping, shoving, grabbing, and hitting.

I guess my concern is, what exactly is the definition of “spanking” we’re working with here?

I know very few adults, both in my age group and on either end of it, that were not spanked as children at one point or another.  I personally was spanked pretty consistently (which should probably have demonstrated to my parents how ineffective beating on your kid’s butt is as punishment, but that’s a different story), and I don’t think being spanked as a child had any impact on the adult I am whatsoever.

When you get into the stuff that goes beyond spanking, though, the punching and the kicking and the throwing down stairs and smashing little kids into walls, I’m sure the correlation exists.  It’s just the way the reporting out of the study is spun in terms of its title that pisses me off, I guess.

And the fact that it’s pretty much an outrageous attempt to control parenting.

Before I go any further, I feel like I need to state that I have never spanked either of my children.  This has nothing to do with any sort of noble mindset or belief that it’ll screw them up or anything, but more because I have found that either logical consequences (you hit a kid with a baseball bat, so we’re canceling your birthday party) or revoking privileges are far more effective.  I mean, if she thinks her iPhone is at stake, my older daughter will do pretty much anything I ask.

The thing is, though, establishing the idea of logical consequences and revoking privileges is something that needs to be started at …

Continue reading



You Might Also Like ...

A Mother’s Pain When Her Daughter is Involved in a Violent Crime …

Photo of Brittany Tibbets
Let’s face it, parents have a tendency to want to believe the best in their children.

This idea hit me especially hard when the mother of a young woman involved in an unspeakable crime spoke out in her daughter’s defense as the media increasingly implied that her daughter was … well, maybe not that great a person.

In a nutshell, five police officers from a drug task force were serving a search warrant on a suspected drug dealer at his home when the guy, Cullen Mutrie, opened fire on them, injuring several and killing Greenland, NH’s Chief of Police, Michael Maloney.  Mutrie went on to kill a girl who was in the house with him at the time and then himself.

It was, to say the least, a clusterfuck … and one that really rocked the state of New Hampshire.

I was personally distraught on a number of levels, the first being that senseless death is always upsetting.  It also seems especially horrible when someone is killed because of the nature of his job—I guess that I, as a public school teacher, always think back to school shootings.  Finally, this took place less than ten minutes from my house.  I literally watched police cars, ambulances, and even the ubiquitous black FBI van go charging past.

It was scary as hell.

But after the shock and the fear and the deep sadness that Chief Maloney, who was days away from his retirement, had been killed settled in a little bit, I started to wonder about Brittany Tibbets, the 26-year-old girl that Mutrie shot before turning the gun on himself.  Who was she?  Why was she there?  What had her final minutes been like?

And then, almost on cue, her mother spoke out to the media, stating that her daughter and Mutrie had an on-again-off-again relationship.

From WMUR:

“Did we have, maybe, concerns? Yes, but she’s 26 years old. We hoped we raised someone who made good decisions, and she’s the type of person that sees the good in people. Right now, it wasn’t good,” Donna Tibbetts said.

Despite the family’s concerns about Mutrie, Donna Tibbets claimed they “never saw this coming”.

The Tibbetts believe their daughter was only at the scene to help.

“I just don’t want this to be what people remember her for,” Donna Tibbetts said.

I have to say, I felt so damn bad for Donna Tibbets when I saw that on the news. I mean, no one wants to hear awful things about her kid in the media, especially when the family is deep …

Continue reading



You Might Also Like ...