There has been a rash of celebrity breakups. This is nothing new, but the ones that have happened lately have gotten to me. First up, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett—they were comedy’s most adorable couple. You barely heard about them. They kept their private lives private. They had two little kids, two hit shows, and now … a broken marriage.
Next up, Rhea Pearlman and Danny DeVito, together for 30 years they recently announced their divorce. Now, I didn’t care as much about this one as I did about Will and Amy—until I heard the reason. Danny DeVito, the (at best) five foot, overweight star, apparently … allegedly … is a cheater. Are you kidding me? I believe the term the word was “womanizer”. Oh yeah, multiple girls. Who are these girls? Who doesn’t know that he’s married? Who fawns over Danny DeVito? You know what? I loved Batman Returns too, but I’m not about to drop my knickers for Danny freaking DeVito (who played the Penguin). Also, many articles stated that DeVito isn’t acting on “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”—he really is that creeper guy. We all saw him sloshed on The View, I mean really … step it up, ladies.
All of this had made me start to worry about who’s next. One of my favorite authors is David Sedaris, whose been with Hugh Hamrick for over twenty years. I immediately went to Google and put in “David Sedaris Hugh” the second suggestion down was: “David Sedaris Hugh breakup” I panicked. I couldn’t click it …but I had to (they’re still together, thank Buddha).
That’s when I realized I am way too involved in these people’s lives. Why do I care? about this? I (regretfully) don’t know David Sedaris (but I’m working on it). I have never met Rhea Pearlman, Danny DeVito, Will Arnett or Amy Poehler. Their personal lives should have zero impact on me, so why do I have that twinge of sadness whenever I type their names?
Oh, I know why…because I am saturated in media versions of their lives. I’m not sad that Will Arnett is divorcing … I’m upset that Gob Bluth and Chris from Up All Night are divorcing. Meanwhile I have my own real life relationship that I should be looking at. Then I noticed that whenever my real life relationship is having issues I compare it to the relationships I watch on TV or see in movies. Well, clearly this guy is wrong … he is not the Clarence to my Alabama, the Dan to my Roseanne, or the Harry to my Sally.
This has all been insanely eye-opening for me. I need to step back and realize while I would totally marry John Goodman (doesn’t he seem like he’d be the best hugger?), he’s not real. I would marry a version I see on TV of John Goodman. I don’t live on TV (yet) so it’s time to come back to reality. Starting now, I will not live in fantasy—my life will be rooted in reality!
But seriously, if David Sedaris and Hugh break up I will need to be on a 24 hour watch. Okay, okay … clearly, I still have some work to do.