Category Archives: marriage

Tom Cruise Just Really Needed A Girlfriend, I Guess

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Vanity Fair special correspondent Maureen Orth recently reported a story that in 2004 the Church of Scientology embarked on a project to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend. Now, 2004 was pre-couch-jumping Cruise—did he need help finding a date? Cruise was still a pretty great catch back then …mostly because we didn’t know he was completely nuts yet.

For whatever reason, according to Orth, Scientology felt the need to help Cruise find a wife. So they set their sites on Nazanin Boniadi, an Iranian-born, London-raised actress. According to the article:

“In a month-long preparation in October 2004, she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life. Boniadi allegedly was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend.

Orth reports that in November 2004, Boniadi was flown to New York, where she met Cruise. That’s when she first sensed that this was possibly going to be an arranged marriage. For their first date Cruise and Boniadi went to dinner at Nobu with an entourage of Scientology aides, then to the skating rink at Rockefeller Center, which was closed to the public especially for them. The two spent that first night together but, according to several sources, they did not have sex. At the Trump Tower, where Cruise and the entourage had rented an entire floor, Cruise purportedly told Boniadi, “I’ve never felt this way before.” She was given a second confidentiality agreement specifically about Cruise to sign. Boniadi could tell her worried parents (her mother was also formerly a Scientologist) only that she was in New York on a special Scientology project.

Every day Boniadi spent two to three hours purging herself of “negative thoughts about Tom.” She felt completely shut off; her only source of money was a credit card issued in the name of Cruise’s production company.”

I believe it. I believe every single word of this. This is all plausible to me. THIS IS ALL PLAUSIBLE TO ME. That’s what …

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Let’s Talk About the Heidi and Seal Divorce for a Minute

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I was really bummed out when Seal and Heidi Klum announced their divorce. Not that I liked Seal or felt like he deserved Heidi, really, but they were just so seemingly in love. The proposal was so over the top, they renewed vows every year, and she talked about how they had sex all the time (gross). They seemed enamored by one another, right? And then, all of a sudden, it was just over.

At first it seemed like it would be a boring divorce—the two really loved each other and claimed they were going to be civil for the sake of their kids. But now it’s turned into a real Hollywood divorce—things are getting ugly, fast. Seal contested Heidi twice—but can you blame him? I wouldn’t want to lose Heidi Klum either (then again I would’ve been an awesome partner to her). He fought her request for primary physical custody of their kids because he wants equal time. And okay, I can understand that, too. Next he said she was wrong when she claimed no joint assets needed to be divided. She’s worth $70 million dollars and he’s worth $15 million—I smell greed on this one.

Heidi has kept pretty cool and calm about all of this, but now the claws have come out. Seal allegedly used pictures of their children in an ad campaign for a Leica digital camera—without asking Heidi. And she was pissed. Klum quickly contacted Leica and got them to take down the video, even though “Seal maintained he had every right to use his personal photos,” a source says. The same source said “Heidi isn’t trying to cause trouble. She’s just trying to protect her brood. Since she filed for divorce from Seal, he’s been out with more than one young woman, whereas Heidi hasn’t dated at all.”

That went from, “don’t use our kids as advertising” to “you’re sleeping around.” I get it. Seal was very vocal about how much he still loved Heidi and continued wearing his ring in public and saying wonderful things about her in interviews—but then he goes out with other girls and entirely disproves his point. And as a sidebar, this is something I’ve noticed guys do a lot. You cannot say one thing and then act in the complete opposite fashion. It just doesn’t work. Seal, if you love Heidi then prove it. Heidi …you deserve so much better than Seal, really.

I’m interested to see how this whole thing unfolds. At first, I was rooting for them to get back together and now I think I just want her to win. I’m pretty sure she already has won, since she has all the money, plus she’s been the class act in all of this, and? She’s freaking Heidi Klum.

Every guy can learn a lesson from this. When you have a woman that is beautiful, in love with you, good to you, and financially independent from you, how about you treat her like the Queen she is? Don’t get rough with her (allegedly Seal has a bad temper and that caused the divorce), don’t make her feel second to anything, and show your appreciation for her every day.

I’ve got to say that I really respect Heidi Klum. Through all of this she has remained pretty classy. She’s simply protecting her children and if Seal wants to use them as cash cows, she’s not going to have it. That’s a strong woman and a great mom.



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Faith And Marriage

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A couple of friends of mine recently got engaged. I am so excited for them. I also introduced them in the first place (and I am not exaggerating when I say that every single girlfriend that this guy has had has first had a big gay sleepover with me shortly before dating him; I’m obviously some sort of match-making aphrodisiac).

Because I’m a compulsive planner and also, I guess, a great big stereotype, I tend to imagine the logistics of any event, including weddings. And potential problems that can come up at weddings—and, thanks to Facebook, I was well aware of no shortage of weddings over the past several months.

A long story short? Religion (and religious differences) can play a major role in any marriage, but especially for planning a wedding. In a marriage, couples might convert or begin to disbelieve or change their religious views while remaining within the same faith or denomination. Even preexisting religious differences can cause friction in a relationship over time, especially when it comes to raising children.*

My friends share the same religious views, but that is not true for every couple. And just because a couple sees eye-to-eye on matters of faith does not mean that their families do. While to an outsider like me, the differences between different Abrahamic faiths seem academic, and the differences between Protestant and Catholic Christians seem even less significant (to say nothing of say, conflict between two Calvinist denominations of Protestant Christianity), these sorts of “church rivalries” can be a big deal.

Some people convert to the religion of their husband or wife. Some people bite the bullet and get married in religious setting chosen by their parents or their new in-laws. Traditionally, the bride’s family pays for the wedding itself, and that can give them a lot of sway with the setting. Sometimes, a setting is chosen that will appease whichever set of in-laws is less reasonable.

Sometimes, couples elope. Have any of you had experiences like this? A fiance, fiancee, parents, or in-laws turning wedding planning into a matrimonial holy war?

*Seriously, you guys, don’t raise your children to be any religion. Please don’t. Don’t raise them to be your religion, don’t raise them to be my religion, and don’t raise them to be atheists. Do not have your infants or small children participate in any religious ritual in which their lives and souls are dedicated to any God, no matter if it’s a tradition in your family. That’s the behavior of an over-the-top 1980s villain. You can share your views, but children need to make informed decisions on their own.



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Hey Girl: Paul Ryan Gosling Goes Web-Viral

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Is everyone familiar with the Feminist Ryan Gosling meme? You know, it’s a picture of Ryan Gosling (who is still super dreamy, but I think that he really looked his best when he was on that short-lived Young Hercules* show) with text that conveys really compassionate, understanding, entirely-too-perfect boyfriend lines that often involve an in-depth knowledge of feminist thinkers.

It’s an adorable meme and it’s fun to imitate. I actually made a set with my favorite handsomes specifically catered to me. Pictures of Avan Jogia seeming to commiserate with my frustrations over Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse being canceled have a lot more to do with poking fun at myself than anything else, but it was an entertaining exercise.

Well, you guys have probably read that Paul Ryan is a terrible nightmare for American women. In my experience, die-hard Republicans who are opposed to abortion state that they do not wish for women to be jailed for having abortions, but simply wish to ban the practice. Paul Ryan goes beyond that. (He also goes beyond wanting to ban any recognition of same-sex couples and wants to ban adoption by same-sex couples, which is kind of the political position of an over-the-top 1980s supervillain)

So, the Paul Ryan Gosling meme is a pretty brilliant way of conveying Paul Ryan’s 17th-century views in a humorous way. I don’t think that it’s inappropriate to do this—I think that it’s perfect. Like the pointillist portrait of Rick Santorum comprised entirely of tiny images of gay porn, except that there is actual substance to Paul Ryan Gosling. Tweets like: “Hey girl, I support your right to choose: kitchen or laundry,” is kind of beautiful in their simplicity.

If you aren’t following @PaulRyanGosling on twitter, then you probably should. It’s worth a laugh. And sharing something humorous rather than something political can reach more people.

A lot of people know about Paul Ryan’s alleged** handsomeness, and about the fact that he apparently mostly likes musicians and philosophers with whom the feeling is not mutual (Rage Against The Machine, of course, but it’s important to note that fiercely pro-choice Ayn Rand would have detested Paul Ryan). A lot of people know that his social views are ultra-conservative, but I think that it is important to keep reminding people. And humor is a wonderful vehicle for that.

*Before you cry foul, he was 18-19 then. Even though it was the 1990s, he somehow had better hair back then than he does now.

**Is anyone else a little weirded out when people talk about Paul Ryan being handsome? Like, I wouldn’t say “no,” but that says way more about my terrible, terrible sexual decisions than it does about his appearance. He has nice eyes, but I kind of think that he looks like some sort of albino goblin king.***

***I actually came up with a fairy tale involving the 2012 election. A retired knight who is now an aged but handsome baron and an albino goblin king team up to seize control of the kingdom from the kindly king whom some of the peasants view as a “dark lord.” And there was something about Jon Huntsman with a bow and arrow and being left out of the adventure but I don’t quite remember.



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