Save The Date: How To Be Nice About Getting Married (And How To Be A Decent Potential Guest)

I will start at the beginning.

I mentioned a while back that a couple of my friends had gotten engaged. I was excited. They are not my first friends to get engaged, but I am closer with them and I am the reason for which they met. Which is neat. Also, they have the most adorable cats ever, and one of them is super friendly and loves attention more than some dogs (if you’re in the bathroom or behind another closed door, he may just reach one of his front legs under the door, like a ravenous zombie, to gain your attention).

Right, so, anyway, they got engaged last autumn. They are getting married about three months from now, and they sent out the Save The Date cards and put up a website for their wedding about a week ago. I got mine, my mother (to my horror) got hers, and I was actually playing a game online with my superbestfriend when I heard his boyfriend say that they had received theirs.

Despite my occasionally paralyzing social anxiety (not the same thing as being shy or introverted, though I am introverted), I am all kinds of excited for their wedding. Or, more accurately, for their reception, as their wedding will be private and in a city too gaudy for me to name (but I love them anyway).

So, that’s the background. The story comes from the content of their website. Alongside their honeymoon plans and the location of the reception and their backstory, they also included this:

Shocking, I know.

First of all, this is beautiful. My favorite thing about it is that it includes the serial comma, which is non-optional. But I also love the rest of it. Like the future bride and groom, I live in one of the counties of North Carolina that voted against Amendment One (though we live in different counties). Being inclusive is expected, but using your wedding as a platform to promote marriage equality is a great move.

I do not know all of the details (or any of the details, really—it’s none of my business), but I know that there has been a little bit of fallout from a couple of relatives. Specifically because these relatives feel that by being vocally inclusive and supportive, my friends are excluding those who are opposed to marriage equality (among other things).

I mean, I could launch into a tirade about how I vehemently disagree with people who oppose marriage equality or people who are offended by non-religious wedding ceremonies or people who are uncomfortable around non-religious people or members of minority religions. And so on.

But this is really about, um, not being a dick. Usually people RSVP when they receive the actual wedding invitations, but RSVPing in advance is fine (I have already informed my friends that I am exercising with their wedding in mind, joking that I will need to fit into a wedding dress). Even if you are saying that you cannot attend.

I feel like hostility in most situations is uncalled for. Hostility with respect to a loved one’s wedding is wildly inappropriate. An “it’s them or me” attitude about attending a wedding is appropriate if another person on the guest list is, say, a rapist (though really if your friends are knowingly inviting a rapist to their wedding, politely declining is the way to go).

Don’t be a dick. Opposite-sex couples who hold off on getting married because same-sex couples do not yet possess equal rights are freaking awesome. Opposite-sex couples who get married but are vocal in their support of marriage equality are freaking awesome.

It’s easy for me to say that if you’re threatened by that, that you probably don’t belong at the wedding (or, you know, this century or planet). But really, don’t be a dick. Go to the wedding (or, in this case, wedding reception). You can have your beliefs (even the awful ones) and still be a decent, functional person who can go places where not everyone feels the same way that you do.


PS: I almost used a modified: “you can have your cake and eat it, too,” line in that last sentence. I decided against it, but also realized that there may very well be wedding cake at this reception. You guys, I am such a foodopotamus and wedding cake is wonderful. Though, as the many-times-divorced Lt. Provenza on The Closer said, he liked the taste of wedding cake, but his wedding cake: “always tasted like prison food.” But I’m not saying that about this lovely couple, though. I adore them to pieces.

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Oh Deer…


Some women have ‘the bride gene’ they just want to be brides. They can’t wait for that special day when they drop 35k on a single event. They spend years dreaming about their perfect dress, the food, the venue etc. They pick out bridesmaids gifts and plan their something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. But now there is a new trend in bridal fashion and it’s very deer. No, I didn’t misspell that…it’s deer antlers.
For $325.00 you can put a “bridal mini hat” made by Fine & Fleurie on your head as you walk up the aisle. But it’s not any “mini hat” it’s antlers. They’re freaking antlers. I love minis anything teacup sized will send me into squeals so I’m pretty upset that they’re using people’s love of mini’s to lure them into antlers.
Fine & Fleurie say, “this is a great piece for a fearless, whimsical bride.” Huh? Fearless I get…but whimsical? What is whimsical about strapping antlers on your head? I’m not knocking crazy fashion, I’m a grown woman that wears an owl snow hat…I get it sometimes you just feel like being an animal but antlers? On your wedding day?
Maybe I’m not the best source for this. Weddings have always been a source of confusion for me. If I’m going to go in debt I’m not going in debt over a wedding—a car, a house, a month in Europe yes, but not a wedding. I don’t understand why this one day matters so much and to that point I’d like to submit that women that have Pinterest boards planning their wedding—when they are not engaged should be quarantined.
In researching outlandish wedding ideas I headed to Pinterest which is the Mecca of weddings and food. I was browsing through some friend’s boards, some friends of friends, and was amazed at how many of these people are planning lavish weddings when they don’t have a proposal. Some have boyfriends—which shocks me that this doesn’t send a man running—but most are single.
Wait, I think I understand it…the same women that plan a wedding without a proposal are the “whimsical” types that pay $325 bucks to stick antlers on their head and call it fashion.

I was discussing this article with my friend Bunny and she put it best. She asked what one had to with the other and I said that I was trying to illustrate that there are varying degrees of crazy but crazy is crazy. To which she replied, “No way. There are a million different shades of crazy. I’m crazy, but in a much different way than you are crazy, and we are both crazy in different ways than Martha Stewart -now that bitch is crazy.”

So the point is, ladies, embrace your crazy. If you want to plan a wedding without a proposal, put antlers on your head, or go to jail for insider training and come out wearing a poncho knitted by your cell mate– do you.

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The Once And Future King Can Be Gay And That’s Fine

Parliament is likely to add an amendment to current legislation that will essentially allow for a simplification of questions of marriage and succession for William and Kate’s children (and grandchildren and further descendants), should any of them be gay. And we all know that that will happen—and not just because the Duchess of Cambridge totally looks like she’d have a gay son (sorry; I have Level Twelve Gaydar. It’s a blessing and a curse). There have been gay rulers before, and I don’t just mean speculation about British monarchs like Queen Elizabeth or King James (who produced, hands-down, the worst version of the Christian Bible that ever existed prior to the Twentieth Century). There have definitely been closeted men and women on the throne (any throne, really). And history has seen plenty of gay monarchs—particularly Roman Emperors.

Ancient Rome had a lot of problems, I know, but dang they were excellent in so many ways.

Anyway, this is a good thing. Members of the Royal family can marry members of the same sex and adopt (or do IVF) and their children will be in in line for the throne.

Now, it’s not a meaningful title—I know. The British monarch is the Head of State in Great Britain, but not the Head of Government. I’m all for constitutional monarchies, but if they have no actual power beyond bestowing knighthoods and orchestrating big events, I kind of think that monarchies are pretty silly. But, then, despite every name in my family being British or at least UK in origin (Harward, Lloyd, Wrenn, Yates), it’s not a part of my identity (my family’s been in the US for a couple of centuries at least). Who is king or queen can probably mean a lot more to citizens of the UK.

But I am still excited because lawmakers too often wait too long to update laws so that they make sense, but this legislation looks like it is set to pass. And that is wonderful. I would love to see a same-sex marriage in Britain’s royal line. More visibility for gay rights on a global scale is a good thing (especially with psychotic countries like Iran and Uganda still in existence).


PS: I know that the title to this post is awful, but it could have been worse. I mean, do you remember the Fairly Oddparents episode titled: “The Boy Who Would Be Queen?” I could have gone with something like that. That was a great episode, by the way. I was so amused when so many ridiculous people were accusing Spongebob Squarepants of being super gay, because, um, Fairly Oddparents was so much gayer. From Cupid (super gay) to Timmy’s Dad (who described Teen Singing Sensation Chip Skylark as “delicious”) to Timmy’s drama teacher to Jorgen Von Strangle’s relationship with Binky. Seriously, you guys. If only the sound effects on that show had not been so constant and if only everything had not gone downhill after Cosmo and Wanda had that baby.

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LeAnn Rimes, You’re Gross.

photo of leann rimes pictures, photos
Remember when LeAnn Rimes was a sweet little country singer and not a crazy home wrecker? Rimes, if you remember, met her husband of two years, Eddie Cibrian, when they were co-stars on some TV movie—and while they were both married to other people. Since then, she’s been in the tabloids for her scary skinny figure and her crazy Twitter attacks on Cibrian’s ex.

Now there’s one more thing to add to the list—Rimes was speaking with Entertainment Tonight’s Nancy O’Dell about having kids and shared a little too much information. O’dell asked if Rimes and Cibrian want kids of their own, as the couple share custody of Cibrian’s two sons with his ex. Rimes hesitantly said they did want kids and yes, had been talking about it. O’Dell decided to ask if they were actively trying to have kids of their own, and personally, I’ve never understood this question. Ask if they want them—that’s fine, but I don’t want to know if Rimes and Cibrian are going at it like rabbits. I don’t need that in my head. It’s a little invasive, honestly.

However, O’Dell asked and Rimes said “Not right now. No, we’re not.” Now, that would have sufficed but Rimes decided to add this little tidbit: “Have you seen him?” [Sex is] whatever time. Any time of the day. Whenever he wants it.” Yeah, I didn’t need to know that—you already showed me that when you slept with him while you were married. I get it. You think he’s hot. That’s why you had an affair, that’s why you’re all over him all the time, and why you volunteer details on your sex life.

Here’s the thing, though: LeAnn Rimes’ time is done. She was a singer but I can’t tell you the last time she had an album out. I don’t care who she’s doing or how often. I only want to hear from her if she’s singing. If she wants to sing about her sex life, fine—I’ll give it a listen, but to just go on ET and talk about how you like to bang your husband? That’s just gross.

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