I will start at the beginning.
I mentioned a while back that a couple of my friends had gotten engaged. I was excited. They are not my first friends to get engaged, but I am closer with them and I am the reason for which they met. Which is neat. Also, they have the most adorable cats ever, and one of them is super friendly and loves attention more than some dogs (if you’re in the bathroom or behind another closed door, he may just reach one of his front legs under the door, like a ravenous zombie, to gain your attention).
Right, so, anyway, they got engaged last autumn. They are getting married about three months from now, and they sent out the Save The Date cards and put up a website for their wedding about a week ago. I got mine, my mother (to my horror) got hers, and I was actually playing a game online with my superbestfriend when I heard his boyfriend say that they had received theirs.
Despite my occasionally paralyzing social anxiety (not the same thing as being shy or introverted, though I am introverted), I am all kinds of excited for their wedding. Or, more accurately, for their reception, as their wedding will be private and in a city too gaudy for me to name (but I love them anyway).
So, that’s the background. The story comes from the content of their website. Alongside their honeymoon plans and the location of the reception and their backstory, they also included this:
Shocking, I know.
First of all, this is beautiful. My favorite thing about it is that it includes the serial comma, which is non-optional. But I also love the rest of it. Like the future bride and groom, I live in one of the counties of North Carolina that voted against Amendment One (though we live in different counties). Being inclusive is expected, but using your wedding as a platform to promote marriage equality is a great move.
I do not know all of the details (or any of the details, really—it’s none of my business), but I know that there has been a little bit of fallout from a couple of relatives. Specifically because these relatives feel that by being vocally inclusive and supportive, my friends are excluding those who are opposed to marriage equality (among other things).
I mean, I could launch into a tirade about how I vehemently disagree with people who oppose marriage equality or people who are offended by non-religious wedding ceremonies or people who are uncomfortable around non-religious people or members of minority religions. And so on.
But this is really about, um, not being a dick. Usually people RSVP when they receive the actual wedding invitations, but RSVPing in advance is fine (I have already informed my friends that I am exercising with their wedding in mind, joking that I will need to fit into a wedding dress). Even if you are saying that you cannot attend.
I feel like hostility in most situations is uncalled for. Hostility with respect to a loved one’s wedding is wildly inappropriate. An “it’s them or me” attitude about attending a wedding is appropriate if another person on the guest list is, say, a rapist (though really if your friends are knowingly inviting a rapist to their wedding, politely declining is the way to go).
Don’t be a dick. Opposite-sex couples who hold off on getting married because same-sex couples do not yet possess equal rights are freaking awesome. Opposite-sex couples who get married but are vocal in their support of marriage equality are freaking awesome.
It’s easy for me to say that if you’re threatened by that, that you probably don’t belong at the wedding (or, you know, this century or planet). But really, don’t be a dick. Go to the wedding (or, in this case, wedding reception). You can have your beliefs (even the awful ones) and still be a decent, functional person who can go places where not everyone feels the same way that you do.
PS: I almost used a modified: “you can have your cake and eat it, too,” line in that last sentence. I decided against it, but also realized that there may very well be wedding cake at this reception. You guys, I am such a foodopotamus and wedding cake is wonderful. Though, as the many-times-divorced Lt. Provenza on The Closer said, he liked the taste of wedding cake, but his wedding cake: “always tasted like prison food.” But I’m not saying that about this lovely couple, though. I adore them to pieces.