It’s Not An Affair…It’s Love

The title of this piece is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard for being selfish. “It’s not an affair, we’re in love”, no you’re just unable to control your biological urges you’re no better than an animal, apologize for setting back our evolution. I

Saying this is just another way of saying “I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault”. That’s not a real apology…and neither is this nonsense that Rielle Hunter, ex-mistress of John Edwards, is touting as a public apology. Hunter wrote a piece for Huffington Post saying:

“I am very sorry for my wrong, selfish behavior. Back in 2006, I did not think about the scope of my actions, how my falling in love with John Edwards, and acting on that love, could hurt so many people. I hurt Elizabeth and her kids. I hurt her family. I hurt John’s family. I hurt people that knew Elizabeth. I hurt people who didn’t know Elizabeth but loved her from afar. I hurt people who gave their hard earned dollars to a campaign — a cause they believed in. I hurt people who are married and believe in marriage.”

So, it was love that she was acting on? Not lust? Not attraction? Not greed? Cause I’m pretty sure she made a pretty penny off of this affair. She wrote a book…and oh, by the way this apology came while promoting said book.

“I fell in love with John Edwards and wanted to be with him and that desire trumped everything else. And then instead of apologizing when I should have, I went on to hurt more people by writing a book,”

She forgot to add, “and continue to hurt her surviving friends and family by putting a death grip on my 15 minutes of fame. “One of my favorite quotes is this one:

“My publisher came up with the idea of me going through my book and annotating all of my regrets and mistakes,”

Maybe that’s because your book is selling for $1.77 on Amazon and they needed another PR scheme.

This woman is selfish and disgusting. I’m so sick of people who have affairs claiming it was “love” no it was your hormones and if 13-year-old kids are expected to control them than so should middle aged adults.

Take some responsibility for your actions.



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Second Wedding, Different Stress

By the time you read this, I will be married.  At that time, I will no longer care about the frustrations of a second wedding because it’ll be the proverbial moot point.  For now, though …

I am taking a break from the incessant work to write this.  My feet are black (and, I fear, stained permanently) from landscaping the yard.  My back hurts from moving furniture (and landscaping the yard).  I am strung out about everything from getting my dress hemmed to whether we have planned enough hors d’oeuvres.  There are pansies soaking in my bathtub, and the guy at the dump knows me by name.

There were stars in my eyes for my first wedding, and as a result we went all out.  While there was no wedding planner or anything like that, we had personalized napkins.  Our invitations were gorgeous.  My dress cost over $2,000, and we agonized over the perfect bridesmaid dresses and what the groomsmen would wear.  The cake was pretty darn fancy.

I barely remember that day.

The wedding that is transpiring on July 20, 2013 is about as different as it’s possible to be.

We sent out Evites (I don’t think my mother will ever forgive me for the tackiness of that).  It’s going to be in my mother’s backyard.  My dress is not white, and it cost under $60.  My shoes are flip flops from Old Navy.  My older daughter is making cupcakes (which is not as terrible as it sounds … cooking is her favorite hobby, and cupcakes are her specialty).  The “theme”, if you will is Backyard Barbeque in July.

I am tremendously excited.

Why?

Because my fiance and I have spent most of the time since school got out landscaping my mother’s backyard (which is both big and beautiful).  We also rebricked a walkway, which I never thought I’d be able to do … it’s gorgeous, though.  My father is performing the ceremony (he’s a lawyer), and my kids have been involved with all aspects of planning and implementation.

The irony is, it’s not like we’re doing it this way to necessarily save money.  Backyard barbeques in July aren’t cheap, particularly when you consider that my fiance’s coterie is a conglomeration of beer snobs (I’m hoping there’s going to be Sam Adams Utopia, which is the best man’s specialty).  We have both a DJ and an acoustic guitarist.  It’s going to be a hell of a party.

And, really, isn’t that what it’s all about?

I am doing what makes me happy this time around.  Screw tradition.  Forget about people saying, “This doesn’t sound like much of a wedding to  me.”  Never mind not having a fancy-schmancy dress from David’s Bridal.

I have chosen a wonderful man to marry, and we have–together–chosen a wedding that suits us both.

That the stress is not any less than the more traditional debacle that was my first wedding surprises me a bit.  However, it’s stress that I have, at least pretty much, chosen myself, and that makes it better somehow.



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A Victory For Marriage Equality And A Long Road Ahead

The historic Supreme Court decision last week to overturn the ironically named Defense Of Marriage Act was a significant win for human rights. While it does not exactly bring marriage equality to the entire US, the ruling does set a wonderful human rights precedent. It will also have a very real impact on a lot of married couples who will now have the federal government recognize their spousal rights . . . if they are legally married within an equality state.

Unfortunately, while the number of Marriage States is still growing, the majority of the states are still dragging their heels. That includes my state, where same-sex marriage is still off the table. The knowledge that things will get better is only a small comfort, since there are people being denied their fundamental rights right now.

Still, this is a win. DOMA is dead, and couples all over the country will benefit, even if many of those benefits are mundane things—like filing taxes jointly.

The Supreme Court made a narrow ruling on Prop 8 (California’s now-dead ban on same-sex marriage), ruling that the case technically should not have come before them rather than ruling that they found fault with a voter referendum on whether or not fellow American citizens get all of their rights or not. It seems like a distant victory to many of us, but California is a populous state and people can resume having their rights to legally recognized marriages.

Which is really wonderful. Both were, for many Americans, largely symbolic victories. But while the Obama administration figures out exactly how to best recognize marriages on a federal level (there’s a lot involved and they’ll have to figure out how some things work), we’re all celebrating—and we should. Because this was a good thing. And we should celebrate now, because we have a lot more civil rights ground to cover for the LGBT community.

Also, here’s my favorite response to the ruling, which came from Logo’s own blog on Tumblr (as a gifset, but I’ve screencapped it to show you, here). It’s just . . . perfect.



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Men Are Not Animals (Opinion)

It’s a common saying that “men are animals”. We say this when men cheat, when men act in a disgusting way, when men don’t control themselves. But lately I’ve been wondering if we do men a disservice by saying this.

We are all animals. We all come from the animal kingdom. We have evolved. I think it’s unfair to just say, “oh men are animals”. I think it gives them an excuse or a pass to behave badly. It’s like saying “they can’t do better.” But they most certainly can do better and many men do.

I have had the privilege of seeing both sides. I have suffered at the hands of men—I have seen the worst of men. For a long time I was scared because of what men did to me. I saw, what I thought was a great man, turn to a horrible man, I was lucky enough to have another great man pick up where that horrible man left off, and because of him I now I have seen a little boy grow into a man.
I’ve watched struggles and growth and pain and suffering and let me tell you—men are not animals. Men are humans. If you give anyone a pass to behave badly they will. If you give anyone the excuse to not try to exceed expectations—they won’t.
I’m sick of hearing people say, “that’s men for ya” or some form of that saying. Men—this country was built by great, flawed me. Some of the best books were written by genius men, discoveries were made, countries were grown, and children were raised. I would love to see an iguana do that—since men are just animals.
Men—like women, are subject to what is thought about them. If you think little of something or someone why would they ever strive to prove you wrong? Yet, if you look around you—every day men, like women, are fighting a battle for equal rights. The right to be a stay at home dad, the right to be a man even though women are leading the charge as bread winners, the right to be an equal partner, the right to be a feminist, the right to be more than an animal.



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