What Happened To Dexter (And Other Shopping Horrors)

I’m uncertain as to how to properly trigger warn the story to which I refer in this post. Aggressive anti-gay sentiment and action on the part of a burly stranger against a toddler, and it could be so much worse but there is a hint of violence. I’m glad that I read it but I am seething and also going to take a clonazepam and fantasize about justified homicide for a bit. Sorry—I don’t like chocolate, so that’s how I make myself feel better.

I read this story, by Katie Vyktoriah. It is well-written, and describes her wonderful son, Dexter, and a frightening and haunting outing that they took just a few days ago.

I’m not going to go through the story itself because it is a good idea if you read it. There are wretched people in this world.

This story could be a lot worse. Most upsetting stores-and-children anecdotes involve a parent abusing a child or a situation in which the parent is clearly abusive. Those are the stories that reinforce the suspicions that plague me at all times. Those are the stories that keep me up at night because that child, and millions like him or her, are trapped in homes like that, in legal systems too restrained by the democratic process and sickening cowardice to do anything about it—or allow anyone to do anything about it.

I’ll be honest, one of the many reasons for which I hate going to stores such as grocery stores during the daylight is that there are children there. I don’t dislike children—I’m good with kids and I’ve worked with children. But I always suspect parents of being bad parents—and, specifically, abusive—until proven otherwise. Every time that I see a child with a parent, I’m (usually subconsciously) looking for sharp looks or frightened expressions that might be clues that domestic violence is a part of their life. It’s not like on television, where victims of domestic abuse have inexplicably broken arms and black eyes and have fathers who look like drill sergeants. For every scenario like that, there are countless more situations of domestic abuse in which marks are rarely, if ever, left on the victim. Monsters who rule their homes through terror and violence.

And I am never surprised by them. Ever.

Do you watch Game Of Thrones? During the tense moments when Sansa is at Joffrey’s mercy, do you find yourself tensing up, holding your breath, waiting for what cruel thing he will say or what capricious act of violence he will order?

I do, too. But I feel like that many, many other times.

That level of apprehension is how I feel when a parent whom I do not yet trust is interacting with a child. Always. I become incredibly anxious, to the point where I’ll avoid watching a television show. And to the point where that is one of the reasons for which I am more comfortable doing my grocery shopping as close to midnight as I can manage (though there are endless benefits to this).

When I have friends whose parents I know were never violent, that’s great. It’s a relief.

And then I have friends who had violent parents. And I know that there are millions more out there, as confirmed by surveys and common sense. In many of these cases, the abuse goes unnoticed or unreported. In so many others, people are uncertain if it was even a crime.

Most articles about child-abuse will get someone or another defending the abuser or the abuse itself, excuses ranging from “well she’d had a long day” or “that child needed discipline.” There are people out there who are willing to give a voice to defend this horrifying evil that has been a reality for billions of humans—likely for as long as humans have existed.

I know that not every child whom I see experiences some form of violence at home. There’s a chance that as many of half do not. I am well-aware that both my natural tendency to consider various possibilities and my PTSD are tremendous factors in how I experience the world. That does not make child-abuse any less evil, or any less a nightmarishly widespread part of reality.

I can honestly say that that story really struck a chord with me, because I am so accustomed to suspecting wrongdoing on the part of the parents (and so often that suspicion is reinforced by confirmation), one usually thinks of strangers as a threat for child-abduction.

I am pleased that Dexter has a mother who (from what I gather) is a good mother. She certainly acted appropriately in the situation that she describes in the article. Calling the police is something that I strongly recommend—if he could be identified from the security tapes at the store, he could at the very least have his life turned upside down for a while. He could be identified by the press. Most importantly, if that wretched creature has children of his own, charges of assault on a random toddler in a store should most certainly trigger an investigation.

Tragically, current US law will not allow for this man to be fed to sharks (even though Shark Week is only a few days away). But the toddler in question, Dexter, is not trapped at home with this man. Dexter’s story is distressing, but will not haunt my thoughts like so many other stories do.



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Fair or Not? Police Officer Penalized for Off-Duty Domestic Violence

I find domestic violence appalling.  In fact, I find violence in general to be disturbing to the extreme.  I’m one of those annoying Pollyanna-esque folks always looking for the best in others, and violence invariably puts dents in my little bubble of denial.

But I am also all about fairness.

Which is why I found myself feeling … well, torn, I guess as I watched the news over my morning coffee today to see WMUR reporting that New Hampshire police officer William Soucy was being taken off patrol duty as the result of a domestic violence incident from last April.

Is a man with a propensity toward violence probably the best bet to be patrolling the streets of the Granite State’s largest city?  No.  Should police officers be expected to hold their tempers and avoid violence if at all possible?  Absolutely.

Does anyone know what really happened in April at Soucy’s home?  Well, besides Soucy and the other party(ies) involved, no.

Which leads to quite a conundrum …

Like Soucy, I am in a profession where the standard is higher than for your average Joe Blow.  In general, that doesn’t bother me.  As a teacher, I know that I am an automatic role model; that came with the territory, and I knew it when I signed my first contract.

So I don’t buy alcohol in the town where I teach.  I won’t drive if I’ve had more than a couple of beers.  I am paranoid when someone else breaks out a bag of weed when I’m at a get together.  I don’t stick up banks or trespass or skinnydip in public locations.  My profession has forced me to be a better person than I would probably have been otherwise, and I appreciate that.

But there is still a question of equity regarding why careers in education and law enforcement lead to a higher standard.

If Officer Soucy cashiered at Wal-Mart or worked as a big-time executive or landscaped for a living, this would not have been a news story.  In fact, it’s more than likely that his employment status would not be impacted in the least.

Domestic violence is wrong.

But so is injustice …

Thoughts?



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Don’t Hit Women. Thanks, Grey’s Anatomy.

I feel as if all of my posts have supremely obvious titles. Don’t Hit Women. Abercrombie Sucks. PornPornPorn. Sometimes, the world needs to be the point blank, black and white, throw it in your face kind of obvious.

Thursday, May 9th hosted the newest Grey’s Anatomy episode. Tonight will be the season finale. Last Thursday’s episode Readiness is All was emotional, dramatic, and fantastic. All are to be expected from a hit tv show that has stood up over nine seasons and has always been in the top 5 dramas currently on television.

Grey’s Anatomy has touched on many heart-wrenching and controversial issues over the years. It also plays host to a myriad of brilliant and admirable female character’s, including the woman that the show is named for, Dr. Meredith Grey. These women save lives and kick ass. They have fantastic, formidable careers and love passionately. They also sometimes make minor mistakes, make mistakes that can’t be condoned such as affairs, and deal with very real emotional issues.

They may be dramatic television characters that deal with horrific problems, but sometimes I wish that I was a Cardiothoracic surgeon surrounded by equally admirable, brilliant, studly men.

As the women of Grey’s would say, that sounds McDreamy. McSomething, I suppose.

Last week’s episode focused on a domestic violence situation between one doctor (Jo) and her doctor boyfriend (Jason). They had hit each other. She left the incident with facial bruising, and he left with brain trauma that nearly killed him. When he awoke, another doctor (Alex) blackmails Jason into not pressing charges. Alex tells Jason that is never acceptable to hit a girl. Jason protests, saying that Jo hit him as well. Alex responds with “don’t hit a girl; take it or walk away.”

I don’t agree. This type of situation isn’t to be excused. Take it? He should just take the violence? No, he should have walked away. I don’t think we should just excuse domestic violence when it is at the hands of a woman. Neither of them should be acting upon violent thoughts.

Instead of saying “don’t hit a girl,” we should be saying “don’t hit.” If we want equal treatment, we need to give it back to the men as well. I know that this common phrase, “don’t hit a woman,” is part gentlemanly ideals, part encouraging self restraint in men. This implys that men have lessened control over their violent thoughts; that they should restrain their self when these thoughts are towards women, but perhaps it is more ok for a man to hit a man. Men being manly, right? No. Just stop.

Men, don’t hit men. Women, don’t hit men. Men, don’t hit women. Women, don’t hit women! Don’t hurt each other! Walk away!

Don’t take it, and don’t give it back unless you really do have to defend yourself. If you really think that you will get hurt if you don’t fight back, and there is no way to leave the situation, then by any means possible, defend yourself. Defend yourself until you are able to leave the situation.

I worked at a suicide hotline for a notable duration, and I was amazed by what terrible situations people’s lives truly could be in. These calls were not from third world nations or slums, but from my backyard.

People face violence everywhere. Violence happens in every pay scale. Don’t be a part of it. Stand up for yourself without breaking someone’s face.



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Chris Brown is a Horrible Person, Exhibit #1,249

photo of chris brown is a dick asshole pictures
I thought I was done writing about Chris Brown, but now I’m a resigned to the fact that I will never be done writing about Chris Brown. Sometimes I think he’s not even human; it’s like he just doesn’t qualify. Let’s do a quick recap of Chris Brown’s offenses thus far in no particular order:

• He beat the hell out of Rihanna
• Responded to people being upset that he was performing at the Grammy’s by saying, “”HATE ALL YOU WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That’s the ultimate F-CK OFF!”
• Began using the pickup line, “Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you.”
• He snatched a girls cell phone and said, “Bitch, you not gonna put this up on no website,” before driving off with the phone. E.g., he robbed a fan.
• After being asked about his domestic violence case on Good Morning America, he stormed off the stage and broke the window in his dressing room. Because he was MAD.
• Went on a homophobic Twitter rant.

This is just off the top of my head. That’s six completely disgusting things that took place. Admits all these things taking place he got 11.6 million of Twitter followers, Grammys and anyone that stood up to him or spoke out about what a gross person he is was forced to publicly apologize (see Usher for reference). Now, he’s at it again. Chris Brown tweeted, “I look old as f-ck! I’m only 23.” Comedy writer Jenny Johnson replied at him, “@chrisbrown I know. Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person.”

Now, she is a comedy writer who wrote something funny to a 23-year-old man who beats on women, makes no apologies and thinks he did nothing wrong. He responded with, @JennyJohnsonHi5 Take them teeth out when u Sucking my d-ck HOE. (Classy, classy dude.) That prompted Johnson to say, @chrisbrown It’s ‘HO’ not ‘HOE’ you ignorant f-ck. (Totally accurate, he misspelled “ho” and he is an ignorant f-ck. It may not be his fault that he’s an ignorant f-ck. But he is.)

The feud went on with Chris Brown saying that he should fart on Johnson while she’s “giving him top,” and after that, she called him a flirt. He said he should shit on her. She said his mother must be proud and posted a picture of Rihanna’s beat-up face. Before canceling his Twitter account Brown replied with this gem of a tweet, “Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????”

I feel sick for so many reasons, one being Rihanna isn’t mad. In fact she recently posted a picture of a shirtless Brown, pants sagging in her bed moments after tweeted a topless picture of herself. My main reason for feeling sick over this is “Team Breezy.” When Brown deleted his Twitter his fans, “Team Breezy” went into high gear.

Here’s a few choice Tweets from “Team Breezy”:

@NellyBreezy: Do u wanna know what im gonna do now ? Im gonna kill that Jenny Johnson for making Chris delete his twitter

@NinaBreezy16: @ jennyjohnsonhi5 whore bitch. if chris kill you i will have more respect of him ..

@Trigga_breezy: @JennyJohnsonHi5 Stfu bitch honestly, i wanna sit on your face and stab 1235 needles in your eyeball, you son of a motherless goat. #bushpig

@_Haineko_: super mad right now if i see that jenny johnson i’ll stab her to death.

@LizzieLovesFood: @ jennyjohnsonhi5 who the f-ck are you? what the f-ck did you do with Chris Brown? GIIIIRL, I HOPE YOU KNOW.. I WILL KILL YOU.

@ItzBREEZY_ygm: @ jennyjohnsonhi5 thanks to you!!! Chris has deleted his twitter!!!! I can f-ckin kill you

@ASWNCUK: @JennyJohnsonHi5 come on Breezy !!! let’s kill this bitch out !! #Breezywantsthisbitchdead

@230Olianis: @JennyJohnsonHi5 I will kill to jenny johnson hateeeeeeee

@SmileCBrown: @JennyJohnsonHi5 Bitch please shut up,i want kill you! you don’t know nothing about Chris Brown and you are a piece of shit to #TeamBreezy

@shanicepaige: If he don’t ever come back to twitter I’ma hunt @ jennyjohnsonhi5 down and kill her :)

@TheChrisGoins: @JennyJohnsonHi5 kill yourself bitch! #EATAD-CK!!!!!

@YoungWhiteNigga: @JennyJohnsonHi5 I would not wish anyone death but I hope you die.

@GirlsDemSugar_: WHO DF is Jenny Johnson . I’ll kill you

@RockyKanePac: @JennyJohnsonHi5 I’M GONNA FUCKING RAPE & KILL YOU OLD WHORE F-CK

Now, the fact that all these people are coming to the defense of Chris Brown isn’t nearly as bad as them emulating his behavior. Telling someone you’re going to kill and rape them because a 23-year-old man who beats women left Twitter is … there’s not even a name for it. It’s repulsive and now? Well, I’ve lost all hope in humanity. Can people really not see themselves? Is there so little self-awareness in the world that this kind of behavior happens? Does hiding behind 140 characters and a stupid avatar really give you the right to talk to another human being that way?

Chris Brown is a plague. He’s a f-cking epidemic. He is everything that is currently wrong with the world. He needs to be stopped, all of this needs to be stop. This shouldn’t be allowed! Consequences! There needs to be consequences for actions. It’s so easy to fly off the handle and break windows, beat your girl, rob your fans, and not feel sorry about it when 11.6 million people tell you how f-cking great you are. Has the world gone mad?!!?



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