Masculinity started its downward spiral sometime around when that harlot and presumed feminist, Eve, convinced poor old gullible Adam to eat the apple. I mean, after Michael kicked them out of Eden, it was all sharing feelings and antiquing and man purses.

But even though masculinity has always been on the decline, its most feared opponent — skinny jeans — has sent manhood into an all-out death spiral.

So says Jane Gilvary of The Bulletin: Philadelphia’s Family Newspaper.

Jane begins her article with the following strange and more-than-slightly-homophobic diatribe:

Despite what feminists might argue, real men don’t wear skinny jeans. Real men also don’t wear V-neck tees, or accessorized scarves, and they avoid purple and pink like the plague. The mere idea of a pedicure or waxing makes a real man nauseous. If a woman hangs out with this kind of girly-man routinely, it’s only because she wants to share his wardrobe and his non-fat caramel macchiato. A woman can’t imagine a man reloading his double barrel shotgun or chopping wood when he’s donned in Donna Karan and drinking an Appletini. Men were meant to wear rugged Wranglers, leather jackets and boots, like they belong in a James Dean movie and not an episode of “Will & Grace.”

We feminists just love ruining things for those cross-stitching, pie-baking “real women” who want their men sweaty, hairy and gassy. Need I remind Jane that many of the men Grace actually dated were not scarf-wearing, latte-sipping “quasi-queers,” but the very manly-men that she describes? The point of Will and Grace was that Will and Jack were actually gay — not her metrosexual boyfriends.

I am so endlessly sick of the “decline of masculinity” argument. Masculinity will be on the decline when men, on average, make less money than women. Masculinity will be on the decline when “paternity leave” isn’t considered silly. Masculinity will be on the decline when the phrase “You throw/hit/drive like a girl” is no longer an insult. Masculinity will be on the decline when the United States has had 45 female Presidents. And even if masculinity is declining — and it’s not — studies prove that even the very metrosexuals that Jane fears get chosen for jobs over female candidates.

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