An anonymous journalist in the UK is putting his love life in the hands of strangers in a new column in the UK’s Guardian newspaper. The column ‘My Love Life in Your Hands’ is going down a storm here in the UK, as the newspaper’s readers vote on what the author should do next. The reason behind this guy putting himself under such scrutiny and, frankly, risk? A poor past history when it comes to making decisions about women. He writes:
On the anniversary of the legendary John Lennon’s death, AskMen has published a condescending article about Lennon’s relationship with Yoko Ono. The article is titled Bros before Hos: Lessons From John Lennon. If that’s not an amazing way to memorialize one of the greatest musicians of our time, shit. I don’t know what is.
The article offers 5 tips on how men can avoid behaving like giant pussies while in a committed relationship with a woman. The 5 tips include:
While I usually cover some heavier fare, I just couldn’t resist this particularly asinine article from AskMen: “Ways to Tease Her and Make Her Crazy For You.” So, without further ado, let’s get down to business.
10. Bust her on her jokes
The premise behind this one is that if a woman tells a joke (which apparently they shouldn’t do), you should pretend like it isn’t funny: “The longer you keep a straight face on this one, the more you’ll hit her funny bone.” Yeah, making a woman feel like she’s stupid and humorless is going to win you major brownie points.
9. When she asks stupid questions, give stupid answers
This one should go without saying. Sarcasm in this situation is one thing; douchebaggery is not.
8. Slap her hand
The folks over at The Frisky recently posted a list in response to another stupid AskMen.com list. I guess those fine peeps produced “10 Cruel Things Women Do To Men” (told from a man’s perspective, natch), so they came up with a list of their own. Especially interesting about this list is the attempt to predict what a guy’s counterargument will be.
Pretty entertaining, really. Anyway, as you read through the list, ask yourself if you’ve ever done it (and if you’re a guy, I’d love your feedback on the proposed “Man Defense”). While this is meant to be hyperbolic, there are actually a lot of these that I’ve seen girls do (and a couple that I might sort of be guilty of myself).
1. Dissing And Telling. Women are not shy about complaining about sex. If it’s bad, we’ll whine to our bestie, the chick we share a cubicle with, our manicurist, the checkout lady at the drug store.
Man Defense: “Everyone knows it takes two to tango! What were you bringing to the party besides a sour puss, lady?”
You know, maybe I’m a sucker, but I’ve never really done this. I mean, I’ll be like, “Yeah, I slept with so-and-so last night” if it comes up in conversation, but I tend to avoid details, especially if it wasn’t great. What guy needs that sort of reputation floating around?
Funny story. Long time ago, one of my best friends fooled around with this guy and told me afterwards, “He kissed like a horse!” Well, a year or so later, the guy and I were hanging out and it was getting to be that kind of a moment. When he went to kiss me, all I could think about was Mr. Freaking Ed. Yeah, totally didn’t happen.
2. Use PMS As An Excuse To Be Bitchtastic. She picked a fight and now she’s sorry, so she’ll cleverly blame it on her Aunt Flo coming to visit. If it’s not around the same date every month, than it’s not a period—it’s BS.
Man Defense: “No matter what time of month it is, you can still apologize.”
I’ve totally used this one. A lot, actually. And the man defense is a valid point … even if you act like a total jerk (for whatever reason), there’s no reason not to apologize.
3. A Low Blow. When she first starts dating you, she might brag about your bulge. But beware, if you break her heart, she might start telling all the ladies your member needs a microscope.
Man Defense: “She didn’t complain last night! Hey-o!”
Speaking for myself, size doesn’t matter. The best I ever had was also the smallest. The worst I’ve had …
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