Author Archives: Simon Jadis

Guess Who Has The Right Idea About Homeschooling?

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I’m not Germany’s biggest fan. I have nothing against wanting to conquer the world—that’s been my dream since preschool. I do take issue with the Holocaust. I know that it’s been a while and that the vast majority of the people who were behind that horrible genocidal brutality are dead, but some stains take a while to fade, you know? The fact that their language sounds like a combination of angry Klingon and the Black Speech of Mordor doesn’t gain them any bonus points.

As I understand, Germany has beautiful weather (cold and gray—honestly I don’t understand why the tropics even have humans in them I can’t even stand temperatures of seventy degrees). Germany also has beautiful forests. Oddly enough, in more recent times, Germany has some very sensible policies.

One of them is that homeschooling is illegal. Germany is not alone in this, but it was nice to see and honestly kind of shifted my opinion of Germany.

Kind of like how sometimes you have an acquaintance about whom you have basically no positive opinions, and then you find out that he or she watches the same show that you do and suddenly you’re talking all of the time.

I am strongly opposed to homeschooling.

It’s not just that many states have very few requirements for homeschooling. It’s not just that homeschooling is a tool of choice for child-abusers to avoid being caught—your child’s teacher won’t report injuries or alarming changes in behavior if your child’s “teacher” is the parent who is causing them.

And it’s not just the social awkwardness—not all homeschooled children end up socially awkward as children or adults. Some do, absolutely, but I’ve had homeschooled friends whom I would never have guessed were homeschooled if they had not told me.

All children have the right to a real education. They have a right to socialize with their peers—not just children from families with whom their parents choose to associate. Children are not property—they deserve the opportunities to meet other people and make their own friends and to learn about the world through a filter beyond their families. Happening to have the functional reproductive organs that brought a child into existence does not make you qualified to control everything to which your child is or is not exposed.

Just because Germany’s laws are sensible enough to ban homeschooling does not mean that all of Germany’s citizens agree with that—in every country, there are more or less always going to be a small group of people who just suck. Some families have left Germany (and other European nations with similar laws protecting the welfare of children) and sought asylum in the United States and elsewhere, in places where they can homeschool their children.

If you move to a different county to live in a better school district, that’s great. But I cannot imagine being so terrified of my child living in the world that I would switch continents just to micromanage every face that my child sees, but there are crazy people who will do just that.

If you feel that public school education is lacking, you are always welcome to supplement your child’s education at home. But to keep them out of a real school just so that you can teach them that gravity is a lie or that dinosaur bones are a trick by the Devil, you’re doing very real and lasting harm. And it’s not just scary fringe-right people who homeschool—some families on the opposite end of the political spectrum homeschool their children to keep them from being “indoctrinated by the corporate oligarchy.” Some people leave controlling homeschool environment and become independent thinkers, successful artists, and social success stories. Others don’t. But parents don’t have the right to take that gamble with their child’s life, whether their intentions are pure or they’re afraid that their children might make friends who are gay or minorities.

So, well done, Germany. I doubt that I’ll ever not think of Nazis when I think of Germany, but the more good that Germany does, the smaller the Third Reich’s piece of the German association pie chart will become.



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I Hate Violence Against Women (And So Do These Lions)

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This would be a precious story if it had not begun with a violent and vicious attack upon a twelve-year-old girl. She was abducted by seven men and she was then beaten because they wanted her to marry one of them.

While hitting a child is unacceptable under all circumstances, this is a particularly brutal story. And apparently, in Ethiopia (where this occurred), it is not uncommon for young girls to be abducted, raped, and tortured to get them to agree to marriages.

Kidnapping young girls has long been part of the marriage custom in Ethiopia. The United Nations estimates that more than 70 percent of marriages in Ethiopia are by abduction, practiced in rural areas where most of the country’s 71 million people live.

Absolutely sickening.

In this particular case, the story has a happier ending than most. And please remember that, in the US, child-abductions are usually carried out by someone acting alone or perhaps by a couple—in either case, a lone good Samaritan (particularly a looming giant like myself) would be enough to frighten off some abductors. That would not be the case with a seven-man kidnapping.

However, there is something that does frighten seven grown men, and that’s lions. Specifically, three lions. The article did not specify anything beyond that they were Ethiopian lions (pretty standard, since they were in Ethiopia), but given that they were working together, I would assume that these were three female* lions.

The girl, who was crying out in pain, was clearly in distress. The three female lions came running up . . . I’d say “like a bat out of hell,” but, honestly, “like three angry lions” sounds way, way scarier. The seven awful attackers ran away (tragically, none of them were mauled or killed). The lions did not attack the girl. They also did not leave. Instead, the three lions guarded the injured child for about half a day, until authorities showed up, at which point the lions stopped guarding and just walked away.

In the words of one of the men who found her, Sgt. Wondimu: “They stood guard until we found her and then they just left her like a gift and went back into the forest.”

I wish that there were a few lions waiting nearby to spring into action for every act of violence—particularly those against women and children, who are so frequently the victims.

Whether the lions just responded to the general dickishness of a bunch of adults attacking a child or whether they somehow “confused” the cries of distress that the girl made with cries from a lion cub (which I don’t entirely buy—sentient mammals who aren’t psychopaths tend to have an instinctive desire to care for the young, even of enemy species), this is a great story.

Also, I now know enough more about Ethiopia and want to put it higher on my list of “countries that I want to conquer to rescue their people from each other.”

 

*Among lions, the males grow their big manes and have penises, but the females are the super awesome badass lions. They do the hunting and guard their territory—male lions mostly just contend with rival male lions. And while it sounds like the male gets to lay back while the females do all of the work, remember that the female lions may become fed up and kill the male lion if he is weak or otherwise displeases them. You can find pictures online of male lions in captivity crouching in corners while a female lion growls or roars at the male. Lady lions are badasses.



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Don’t Dumb Down Science Fiction For Women (Surprise! Women Are Smart)

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Sometimes a television show or film will take an unorthodox narrative style. That’s standard. Sometimes the setting is surprising for the story or genre being depicted—an easily recognizable example would be Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy, which seems to largely shy away from admitting that it’s set in a version of the DC Universe. But a lot of people enjoyed that, so okay. That’s a stylistic choice.

But sometimes, a science fiction show is written more as a drama, focusing on “the human story,” not because of a genuine stylistic preference but because of, well, sexism. Courting a wider audience. Which translates to: “Courting a female audience.”

I will be honest: I have a vested interest in this topic, as I write fantasy (a broad umbrella term that includes science fiction). I would love to have some books made into television series. I would really love to micro-manage those shows (I’m a control-freak; it’s not an uncommon quality in writers).

But I’m also a viewer. I grew up watching a lot of science fiction (even when I was young enough that I would go and make LEGO reproductions of what I had seen). Stargate, Babylon 5, Farscape, and even Star Trek and Andromeda.

Sorry, Delenn from Babylon 5 can’t hear your preconceived misogynistic notions over the sound of what a terrifying badass female protagonist she is.

There is a lot less science fiction on television right now (especially now that Clone Wars has come to an end after five magnificent seasons). What little there is tends to be these sorts of terrestrial dramas. Campy science fiction like Eureka or Warehouse 13 combined with Battlestar Galactica to, well, kind of destroy science fiction. Wacky adventures with a relatively low-budget or gripping dramas that mostly capitalize on being upsetting aren’t what I want out of any television show. But people are letting networks get away with it.

And to networks? Well, shows that “tell stories about people” (most shows do; I only worry when they repeat that line again and again when advertising a new show) are really saying: “We don’t think that women will watch more traditional science fiction. Research says that women dominate certain markets of television viewership. We want to attract women. Women don’t like science. They like romance.”

Which is, um, incredibly insulting to women.

I’ll admit that any Star Trek series can be weird and episodic and so hit-and-miss that it’s usually easier to watch select episodes that are particularly good or deal with certain story-arcs than it is to watch the Overly Didactic Episodes (TM). But Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis? They told excellent stories with a small group of really interesting characters.

And Babylon 5? Guys, if Game of Thrones were set in space and dealt with alien races instead of human noble houses, it would just be called Babylon 5. Same kinds of excellent story-arcs. Same kinds of characters.

If you want people to watch your show or your films, make a good story. Make a great one. Give it a wonderful setting and execute it properly. Hire the right actors and make sure that your writing is airtight.

Don’t change your story angle because you think that if you use smaller words, girls, who like romantic comedies and princesses, will come flocking to watch your show. They’ll probably see it for being garbage and stop watching and be just as disappointed as your male viewers.

And then girls will actually have a thing against science fiction.

 

PS: Yes, this means you, SeeFee (“SyFy”) Channel. A few years ago, you suddenly forgot that your name was spelled “SciFi” and your programming turned into garbage. I mean, it’s great if you want to watch ghosthunters or professional wrestling. But, as it stands, the SeeFee Channel is an insult to everything that it used to be. Kind of like how Stargate Universe was a big, stupid slap in the face to the previous two Stargate series.



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Unsolicited Grooming Advice: A Two-Way Street

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The typical caricature of a feminist includes a man-hating woman who is offended by conventional beauty and by a number of typically feminine grooming habits. Most of us have seen this. A woman who refuses to wear makeup—not because she happens to choose to not wear it, but because she is intentionally rejecting “the patriarchy’s insane demands that women paint themselves to please men.”

This is a caricature, and, like most caricatures, it’s a wildly inaccurate one. If a woman shaves her legs or underarms or privates purely to please a current or potential man, then she’s welcome to do that. I would argue that it’s better if she does it for herself. Honestly, though, I tell myself that my own grooming is “just for me,” and that’s mostly true (I lived alone for a summer in an apartment above a shop and I kept showering and shaving and actually lost a lot of weight), but I’ve caught myself shaving my face and doing some mild manscaping ahead of my normal schedule simply because I’m going to a party that night and, well, fortune favors the prepared.

Mostly for me, a little bit for other people. I hope that that’s the case for most people.

Every November, there are a group of “people” (I’m using the term loosely) who grow facial hair for No-Shave November. I don’t know if it’s some sort of insecure display of the fact that these young men continue to produce testosterone, or just a flimsy excuse to avoid shaving for a few weeks.

There was a statement going around last November (and perhaps in previous Novembers?): “Girls who participate in No-Shave November will also be participating in No-D December.” The letter D, here, is a euphemism for penis, and the only people who use it sincerely are the same little meatbags who use the word “swag” with a straight face.

That kind of statement is inevitably followed by people railing against guys for telling women what to do with their bodies.

For the record, I am opposed to telling women what to do with their bodies . . . aside from the occasional: “Work it, girl.”

That said, ladies, men can have input on your grooming habits. Guys can say that they like you with your hair down or up. They can say that they like when you wear glasses or they can identify which blouse you wear they think really brings out your eyes. Oh, and they can say if they’d prefer that you shaved your arms, legs, and/or privates.

There’s an upside to this—you can have input on their grooming habits. Some boys don’t shower regularly. Some boys let their beard grow in uneven patches that are so not the same thing as “sexy stubble.” Some guys grow hair on their backs. Some guys shower but somehow fail to properly clean their groins, leading to a horrible smell that makes you want to keep your face away. Some guys think: “Hey, I have a feeling that maybe I should grow a mustache”

Respond with the Pitch Perfect quote: “Well… sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm… better not. ”

Because no, it is never cool if you grow a mustache. Honestly, a mustache is about as unattractive of a characteristic as an addiction to crystal meth.

Anyway, I’m not saying that you should make demands of boys in retaliation for them suggesting that your genitals are more aesthetically pleasing when they don’t look like . . . whatever female genitals look like when they still have hair on them (I certainly don’t know what they look like—it’s 2013. How would I? I know that some women still have pubic hair, but I’ve never seen any at any naked parties, or in those traumatic naked women who show up in banners when I’m just trying to innocently pirate episodes of a television show that I just watched legally on cable but now want to take screenshots from).

Telling guys which grooming habits they should have isn’t revenge, but may let them know what it sounds like when other people give you input on your own body. It might also shape them to be more to your liking. We all give each other feedback, and where we grow hair on our bodies is a fine place to give polite, respectful input.

 

PS: By the way, if anything, you have more of a right to tell a guy to shave his beard than he does to tell you what to do with your . . . Eye of Sauron (is that an inoffensive euphemism for female genitalia? Yes. Yes it is). We live in a society in which we have to see other people’s faces all of the time but usually only see other people’s groins when we elect to do so. Facial hair is definitely more in-your-face (ugh pun so unintended) than any other body hair.

PPS: Okay, there are certain scenarios in which other body hair is more in-your-face, literally speaking, than facial hair. Work out your respective list of grooming demands with your partner or partners if you disagree over these sorts of maintenance issues.



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