Kim Kardashian vs Kate Winslet

Kim Kardashian has admitted she doesn’t like being pregnant—join the club. I hate that she’s pregnant. It’s even worse that she’s knocked up by Kanye West. The two of them together is an illustration of everything that is wrong with this world, and now they’re breeding.

I don’t want to deal with the pictures of her growing belly all over Huffington Post, because you know that will make the front page. I don’t want to deal with the Kimye maternity line. I really don’t want to ever hear from Kris Jenner about this. This family has too many people in it, anyway. This is just more money being paid out to people for doing nothing. This fetus is already famous and it’s not even human yet. The thing still has a tail and gills. Why do I know about this?

I am so sick of having to deal with Kim Kardashian’s vagina.  I know everything that has gone into it; I know that it’s been lasered, and now I have to deal with things coming out of it. That’s a porn star if I’ve ever heard one. Can we just officially call her that now? She’s not famous for nothing, she’s famous for her vagina and all that her vagina does.

Why can’t she be cool? If I have to hear about her all the time she should be awesome instead of useless. Like Kate Winslet. Kate Winslet gets better and better and better. Not only is she a great actress, saves people from fires (Google Winslet Branson Grandmother Fire), she also marries people with the last name Rocknroll and gets a ticket to space.

Winslet got married for the third time to the Ned Rocknroll who happens to be the nephew of Richard Branson. Branson owns Virgin and Virgin is working on commercial space flight. Ned Rocknroll (not his birth name obviously) is the executive on the project. For a wedding gift Branson gave Kate a ticket on a flight. Kind of cheap if you ask me, but still amazing all the same.

New rule: if you’re going to be a celebrity and in my face 24/7 in 2013 you have to be as awesome as Kate Winslet.

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