The Truth Behind the Hefner/Harris Wedding

photo of hugh hefner and crystal harris pictures
I grew up thinking Playboy was no big deal. My mother grew up in L.A. and was invited several times to spend movie nights at the mansion since her friend’s mother was a playmate. When “The Girls Next Door” came on E!, I loved every minute of it. Holly was by far my favorite. For some reason that show made Hugh Hefner’s lifestyle seem normal, almost tame. Yeah, there were three girls living with him that he called his “girlfriends,” but come on. Obviously Hugh Hefner is not really dating seven girls, or even three. I’m about to drop some knowledge on you people.

Hugh Hefner pays girls to live with him and be his “girlfriends.” Shocking, I know. If you watched Holly Madison’s E! True Hollywood Story you already had a glimpse of this. In that special, they discuss how Holly was lead girl and how Hef would want to have sex with Bridgette or Kendra but both girls felt strange about it and tried to avoid it. During Kendra’s E! True Hollywood Story it was revealed that she was dating Hank Baskett while living at the mansion as a “girlfriend.” It’s fake, people. It’s all fake. They get a salary, they have to abide by certain rules, and it is a business deal.

In 2011, Hugh Hefner, then 85, announced that he was engaged to Crystal Harris, then 25. When this happened I was appalled, not at the fact that an 85-year-old was going to marry a 25-year-old, but that he didn’t propose to Holly. I mean, she was there for love—we can all agree on that. That girl put in five years; they even tried fertility treatments together. Yeah, they did. Holly really wanted babies and so they tried IVF but unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) it didn’t take. That’s when Holly realized that she wasn’t going to get marriage or babies from Hef and moved on. But he didn’t even propose during the IVF treatment, and honestly, that’s kind of shitty, Hef. You don’t propose to the girl that is doing fertility treatments so that your old ass sperm can live in that bangin’ body, the one that’s been there for five years, but you propose to Crystal Harris after a year? Come on! Anyway, the wedding plans began and then Crystal called off the marriage the day before the nuptials. She was dubbed the “runaway bride.” That never would’ve happened with Holly, I’m just saying.

Now it’s 2012 and the wedding is back on. Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris are getting married; they even picked up their marriage license. I am so grossed out by this, and again not for the age reason. Back in November I was at a gathering and was talking to someone, we were talking about …

… the entertainment industry and they said, “Well it’s just like Crystal and Hefner.” I inquired as to what they meant and they told me they happen to know Crystal Harris. According to this person, Crystal is a very sweet girl, a nice girl and an aspiring singer. She met Hef and moved in as a girlfriend in the hopes that Playboy would further her career. Now, according to my source and several other sources that don’t know Crystal but are under the Playboy umbrella, once you are under said umbrella you are owned by Playboy. You do not make any deals without Playboy’s permission and without Playboy being compensated. Rule of thumb is if it’s not Playboy you’re not allowed to do it. This wasn’t sitting well with Crystal because Playboy doesn’t have a record label. She called off the wedding and left her indentured servitude when the son of an extremely famous and insanely wealthy television star promised her that he could get her a record deal. By the way, Holly had said all along that she didn’t feel Crystal had the right intentions … and she nailed it.

Here’s another interesting tidbit about leaving Playboy—you’re free to do whatever you want after you leave. There’s no curfew and you don’t have to sleep with an 86-year-old man, but you also leave with nothing; less than a felon out of a prison. No money, no help, nothing. You are on your own and you have no rights to anything you’ve done under Playboy. When Crystal called off the marriage, she also lost her meal ticket, but that’s okay because this famous person’s son says she can sleep with him and get a record deal which is perfect since she wants a record deal and this guy isn’t 86, but as it turns out the guy is a con and can’t do anything in the industry. Once Crystal realized this, she went back to Hef and the Playboy umbrella and now the wedding is on.

Here’s to you Hef and Crystal—may you both have a very lucrative business situation. Welcome to America: where people of the same sex who love each other can’t get married but an 86-year-old man can buy himself a 26-year-old bride without a problem.

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