Still Not Asking For It

photo of topless still not asking for it pictures
I recently saw a picture online of a woman who, though her nipples were covered, was topless. Written on her torso were the words: “Still Not Asking For It.”

For years, I have been saying this, outraged. Usually during episodes of Law & Order. A woman can pole dance up and down a deserted street at midnight, clad only in a belt and . . . tassels . . . and she is no more or less asking to be sexually assaulted than a nun in a cloister.

Dancing, even if it involves grinding (what else is there? Ballroom dancing?), is not an invitation for sexual assault. Nor is it permission to have sex with you while you sleep.

The same goes for lap-dances. For being naked. For grooming yourself. For wearing a shirt that frames your figure. For wearing a top that exposes your cleavage. For leaving your door or window unlocked. For asking someone to help you to move something. For accepting a drink from a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger. For smiling at someone, or talking to someone. For existing. For going inside with him or inviting him into your place after a date. For each and every conceivable human activity on the planet that is not explicitly consenting to a given sexual activity, you are not “asking for” that given sexual activity.

Can we use the “house” analogy for a moment? Even though, obviously, while a burglary is a violent, traumatic, and intimate invasion, it does not really come close to a sexual assault.

Whether you let your lawn and your home’s exterior deteriorate and age like a neglected grandparent or you have a carefully manicured lawn and are fastidious about your home’s upkeep, you are not asking for your home to be burgled. Because . . . obviously. You just have a nice home and yard, you are proud of it, and want to show it off.

But there is more to it than that. Leaving your doors unlocked or a window open? That is not an invitation for a burglary. There are places where it is dangerous to do so, but you are still not inviting the danger. I think that most people understand that.

Unfortunately, society has a tendency to treat potential victims of sexual assault (that’s women and men, by the way) as the ones who need to do all of the work. As if avoiding sexual assault is like avoiding frostbite or mosquito bites.

That is not the case. Even if we ignore everyone who thinks that people are “too sensitive” about rape jokes, the pernicious lies that try to mitigate the culpability of rapists, or vicious attacks upon those who have been assaulted—as if it were possible for them to be at fault for someone else’s actions. Even if we ignore all of these elements that come together to form rape culture, there is still something severely wrong with a world in which we teach people to not get raped, but do not teach men to not rape.

That might sound absurd. I mean, I never had to be taught to not commit sexual assault. It should be obvious to everyone. But, since there are still rapists out there in the world, it is not. To a lot of people—people who operate in social circles in which survivors of sexual assault are very unlikely to report it or tell their friends and families, especially if the rape was committed by an acquaintance—rape is a hypothetical crime, like mugging. And surely there must be something that those targeted for sexual assault do to attract people. There must have been a misunderstanding.

There is not. The culpability lies with the assailant, and not with the victim. The culpability in crimes like this lies with the person who committed the rape. There are cases in which accomplices are also responsible, but ultimate responsibility belongs to the person who ignored the word “no” or never even allowed for an opportunity for an answer.

Unless they are literally asking for it, no one is “asking for it.” No matter what.

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19 thoughts on “Still Not Asking For It

  1. The chick is a lonely, unattractive feminist. She hates men.. real men don’t like 70′s bushes. She needs to shave her pussy. It’s hideous. uggghhhhh

    • wow okay for starters that comment was not okay
      at all
      1) the whole “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” thing really sucks and you should not instigate that further
      2) there is nothing wrong with being a feminist. in fact, we NEED feminism. you know what happens without it? rape. that’s what this whole article is about, and you are missing the point in its entirety. and rape is just for starters, we need feminism for so, so many more reasons, but i won’t go into that
      3) what if she prefers her pubic hair where it is? it’s just hair, it’s the same exact stuff growing on your head, it’s not disgusting. body hair on women should not be treated like a felony when it’s completely and totally acceptable for men to have all the body hair they want.

      oh and btw she doesn’t need you, or anyone else’s approval, so why don’t you stop enforcing the whole idea of “super-model/human beauty” on others, because only like, 8% of the world actually looks “perfect” by our society’s standards naturally. everyone’s different, so get over it.

      in reference to the article itself, and not the jerk above me, this lady has all of my respect points. all of them.

      • First, you need to chill out and stop responding to obvious trolls with excessive hyperbole and melodrama. Second, your second point is a blatant slippery slope fallacy and undermines any reasonable points you may have been trying to make. I entirely support this image and what it stands for, but the kinds of inane conclusions and a lot of “feminists” draw from these issues make me extremely sad for the future of the human race.

    • Sounds like you’re saying “real men” want women who at least have the appearance of a prepubescent girl. Are you sure you’ve thought that through? It doesn’t add up. Do yourself a favor and search “The war on pubic hair must end”. What’s the problem, other than attracting men who are definitely not “real”? “…bacterial pathogens, namely group A streptococcus, staphylococcus aureus and its recently mutated cousin methicillin resistant staph aureus (MRSA). You could lose your life, but hey, you won’t have to worry about hair growth. Shaving also increases your susceptibility to herpes and yeast infestations. But maybe you’re already sharing those.

      This woman probably is a feminist. Why would you object to women being treated equally in a society? What sort of human actually wants to deny human rights and dignity to other members of the planet? The “real” humans?

      Furthermore, she is way more attractive than you will ever be.

  2. 1) There isn’t any sign of “bush” showing, that’s panties.
    2) The conclusion of her being a “Feminist” due to short hair? Her hair is pulled up, as you can see the length at true length of it at the right side of the picture.
    3) “real men don’t like 70′s bushes.” I like a “bush”, not over extravagant, but I don’t desire to see a woman look pubescent down there. “Real men” don’t draw idiotic conclusions, as your post did. “Real men” think before they utter complete tween statements.
    4) She is decent enough to look at.
    5) Your post makes you sound at the level as the idiot who made that 12 minute video that pertains to this case.
    6) The most important part written of anything in this article and in the ccomment section is “Still not asking for it.”
    If you pay attention to that part, rather than doing a sexual judgment on the woman, you might just learn that “No means no.”, regardless of what a person is or is not wearing.
    Along those lines, “No” is what the answer is, when a person is too wasted to give a “Yes” or “No” answer, as you haven’t been given permission to even kiss a person at that point. Anything physical(Kissing on up.) that you do to a person, at that point, is morally wrong, physically wrong AND illegal. If you can’ see that, then go get physchological help with your mental problem, as your future victim doesn’t deserve it and you will eventually end up in a prison cell.
    P.S. This post was written by a happily married, “Real man” who hasn’t had a problem with being permitted by many ladies, before I was married, but knew that even a soft spoken no means no: not… let’s readress this by kissing a bit more and then attempting to get in her pants again after she said no. If she were really interested and said the softspoken no, then it would be HER move next to change her mind and her no to a yes, not yours EVER.

  3. Pingback: Not asking for it « culture creativity communication

  4. Pingback: I dated my rapist to stay in denial « And then I woke up

  5. The analogy with burglary is flawed, however. Maybe leaving the windows open isn’t an invitation per se, but you can bet you won’t get sympathy from your insurers if you do.

    • So pretty much the same as going to the police if you were raped when drunk/scantily clad/alone with a man then, yeah?

  6. Terrific picture, excellent story.

    And don’t give up hope, Patrice Walker. You could have a girlfriend one day, if you work at developing a more attractive personality.

  7. about the entire shaved women looking like pubescent and girls thing. I can’t really see how this is different from men shaving facial hair. My girlfriend and sisters all agree I look a lot younger without it. My girlfriend doesn’t like the way it feels and refuses to engage intimately (kissing or snuggling) when I tried to convince her she would get use to it.

    I really don’t think she believes it makes me look twelve. As for men trying to make their gf look 12 that’s just an argument to stop discussions on a real issues. So many sources tell me I don’t have a choice but to shave and I agree its a problem.

  8. the problem is evil people, the problem is abuse of drugs and alcohol, the problem is sororities and fraternities, the problem is hormones, the problem is mental illness, the problem is money, the problem is human trafficking, the problem is disrespectful, the problem is anger, the problem is sickening, the problem is disgusting, the problem is violent, the problem is painful, the problem is mind boggling, the problem is frustrating, the problem is sad, the problem is vicious, the problem has very little consequence, the problem is a vicious cycle….

  9. I am a guy. I am also a feminist. This post is utterly retarded… I only read the first few paragraphs but the logic is so flawed and the understanding so minimal that I could not read the rest. First, the understanding of the phrase “she was asking for it” is being taken out of context. The logical chain does not go from “she was dressed in a way so therefore she was asking to get raped.” NO ONE WOULD EVER SUGGEST THAT. The logic is more akin to “Knowing that men rape and that they are likelier to rape oversexed women and women who are vulnerable (as in the case of “the drunk girl was ‘asking for it’”), women need to be more careful when they make themselves ‘targets’ to this.” Pretty much the point IS that if you do leave the window open and get burglarized it is different than if u have tightly locked windows… DID ANYONE ASK TO GET BURGLARIZED??? OBVIOUSLY not but one is less surprising. It is impossible for people to take these arguments seriously when they are based on an incorrect idea of what is what… please educate yourselves.

  10. Well if somebody showed me that picture and asked me if I thought she was asking for it I’d say “Obviously not, she has ‘still not asking for it’ written on her. This is actually really convenient because I never know if someone is asking for it unless they verbally ask for it. Everyone should write their asking for it status on their chests.

  11. Please ladies get real. Please be my guest and swim around in a shark tank wearing the sign “still not asking for it!” and expect not to be bitten. Please go stand in the middle of a speeding freeway in BLACK CLOTHES (hey you don’t want to be given fashion advice right then go stand in whatever black clothes you want!) and wear a sign that tells the motorists you’re not asking for it! And please by all means leave a nice juicy stack of your money out in the subway or on a restaurant table and leave a sign next to it indicating “still not asking for my money to be taken!” and finally go walk in a mine field wearing whatever you darn well please with a sign that says you’re not asking for it! Soon you will learn that just because you are “not asking for it” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious. Imagine if men got together and did some anti women demonstrations. How would you feel then? These stupid feminist protests are actually sexist and attacks on all men but have little affect on the sharks, the speeding cars, the thieves and mines and all other things we need to be cautious about. Sorry common sense is not fashion advice.

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