Petraeus Scandal: The Four Star Screw Up

The scandal du jour is General Petraeus and his biographer which, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably already know about. The slow and skinny of it is Petraeus started an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell, who got jealous over Petraeus’ friend, Jill Kelley, and started a firestorm of shit.

This is like an episode of Dallas. Petraeus has known Jill Kelley for a really long time. They’re family friends and he helped her sister win a custody battle by writing a letter on her behalf, nothing out of the ordinary there, except it’s completely shady and sort of an abuse of power. Then Petraeus starts jogging with Paula Broadwell and suddenly she’s his biographer. She’s following him around like a dog in heat for her “story”. I say that in quotes because I’m pretty sure the book she wrote was just a perk of having an affair with the four star General.

Paula Broadwell gets wind that at some point, at some time, maybe Jill Kelley and Patreaus did some under the table stuff. No, literally the story is maybe they had some “sexy touching” under a table…but maybe not. Anyway, it’s enough to make Braodwell go “Fatal Attraction” on her and send a “threatening email”. Hey I get it, I’ve seen a girl giving my guy the eye a little too often and in my head I’m making her bite a curb but I don’t but it in writing to her I vaguely mention it on a blog. Petaeus is a cheater so why wouldn’t he cheat on Broadwell? That doesn’t excuse a grown-ass woman sending threatening emails to another grown-ass woman about the man she’s having an affair with. Affair’s are supposed to be quite…email is concrete evidence.

Kelley gets the email and gets all nervous, rightfully so she’s probably seen Fatal Attraction. She emails her other friend who happens to be an FBI agent. He sends Kelley topless photos of himself…I’m not really sure why maybe because while investigating he learned that Kelley had exchanged 20,000-30,000 emails of a sexual nature with General John Allen, who is the U.S/Nato Commander in Afghanistan and a picture is worth …

… a thousand words so he only needs to send forty pics to compete, right? How the hell can anyone send that many emails to the same person? It’s incredible. So much sex, you guys, that is so much sex talk. It had to get redundant. There’s only so many ways to say things, 30,000?! That’s reading The Dark Tower Series (eight books in total) seven times. I highly doubt those emails were as good as The Dark Tower Series and I’m not even finished with book one! Okay, I digress…but 30,000!?!??!

Anyway, FBI boy sends her shirtless pics and become obsessed with the case and is removed from it. He passes the info along to David Reichert who is a Republican Rep and he passes it on to FBI headquarters that happen to be investigating Petraeus for some other secret reason. Patreaus resigns and now I get to hear Star Jones talk about it on the Today Show. I think that covers it.

Now, why is Star Jones talking about it? It’s just an affair right? Who cares where the General sticks his sword…except it’s illegal. “Under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Adultery is a crime for members of the military when it is found to be prejudicial to good order and discipline.” With good reason, if an enemy were to find out that you were having an affair they could blackmail you. Duh. That puts classified information at risk….oh wait….HE ALREADY DID THAT.

Found in Broadwell’s home during the investigation the FBI seized reportedly classified documents from Broadwell’s home in North Carolina. That is why all of this matters. What happens when our enemies find a really hot piece of tail to infiltrate the FBI or CIA or military…it was clearly doable by these to women so what would a hot trained spy do?

I don’t care that men in power have affairs. Men in power always have affairs but when it becomes the clusterfuck that this has it becomes a problem. JFK knew how to keep his affairs classy…Bill Clinton fells shot on keeping it classy but what he lacked in hot girls and discretion he made up for in a booming economy.

As a high power official in our government you’ve got to cover your ass people. Keep your mistresses happy and quite, keep your emails untraceable (fake accounts, come on ladies!) and don’t include your face in your topless photos (I expected more from you FBI guy).

All of these people could learn a thing or two from Holly Petraeus; her 38 year marriage has just been made a public joke. Her husband has been publicly shamed, her life of the last 38 years, her sacrifices have all been for naught and I haven’t heard a single word from her. Her mouth is staying shut. You know she has to be giving him hell at home but it’s staying at home. That’s the lesson in all of this. Patreaus had a good woman at home that knows how to keep her mouth shut and protect her family as best she can in the face of horrible scrutiny and pain. But he blew everything just to get blown by (possibly) two crazy bitches.

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