The world is forever changed. Nothing will ever be the same. Clark Kent … has quit The Daily Planet. I know, I know—it hurts. Superman has worked at The Daily Planet since 1938 and now the DC Universe said that because of his dual role as journalist and Superman that Kent has been falling behind on stories. Look, I work two jobs too (sometimes more) and you don’t see me quitting! I’m not falling behind! I’m not giving up! Look at all the exclamation points I can use! Yes, I just compared myself to Superman and came out the better of the two.
Now that Clark Kent will have time on his hands, what can we expect from him? “Rather than Clark be this clownish suit that Superman puts on, we’re going to really see Clark come into his own in the next few years as far as being a guy who takes to the Internet and to the airwaves and starts speaking an unvarnished truth,” the issue’s writer, Scott Lobdell, said.
Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me? He’s going to be a blogger? Or a podcast host? Come on! The whole draw of Superman was the fact that his alter-ego was clownish! It was endearing! Stop screwing with my superhero DC!
I was behind DC and Marvel when they went in the direction of “outing” certain superheroes, when they made women lead characters but I draw the line here. Think of the future generations who will never know Clark Kent, the clumsy, silly, journalist. It’s almost as painful as the moment I realized there’s a generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache.
There’s going to be a huge void in the superhero world if this comes to pass. Who will pick up the slack? Who will be a snarky, clumsy, social awkward writer with a desire to change the world for the better? Wait a minute … I’m snarky … I’m clumsy … I’m socially awkward! I’m a writer … my favorite color is blue, and I look great in a cape and glasses. My God! I think I could be the new Superman!
Thank you, DC Comics, because you have no idea how to keep a loyal fan base happy and constantly feel the need to mess with a perfect formula. I now can have a new calling in life. I will now live under the illusion that if I could just will myself to put on pants and step outside my little bungalow on the west coast, instead of watching American Horror Story on DVR with my dogs … I could save this world.