Vanity Fair special correspondent Maureen Orth recently reported a story that in 2004 the Church of Scientology embarked on a project to find Tom Cruise a girlfriend. Now, 2004 was pre-couch-jumping Cruise—did he need help finding a date? Cruise was still a pretty great catch back then …mostly because we didn’t know he was completely nuts yet.
For whatever reason, according to Orth, Scientology felt the need to help Cruise find a wife. So they set their sites on Nazanin Boniadi, an Iranian-born, London-raised actress. According to the article:
“In a month-long preparation in October 2004, she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life. Boniadi allegedly was told to lose her braces, her red highlights, and her boyfriend.
Orth reports that in November 2004, Boniadi was flown to New York, where she met Cruise. That’s when she first sensed that this was possibly going to be an arranged marriage. For their first date Cruise and Boniadi went to dinner at Nobu with an entourage of Scientology aides, then to the skating rink at Rockefeller Center, which was closed to the public especially for them. The two spent that first night together but, according to several sources, they did not have sex. At the Trump Tower, where Cruise and the entourage had rented an entire floor, Cruise purportedly told Boniadi, “I’ve never felt this way before.” She was given a second confidentiality agreement specifically about Cruise to sign. Boniadi could tell her worried parents (her mother was also formerly a Scientologist) only that she was in New York on a special Scientology project.
Every day Boniadi spent two to three hours purging herself of “negative thoughts about Tom.” She felt completely shut off; her only source of money was a credit card issued in the name of Cruise’s production company.”
I believe it. I believe every single word of this. This is all plausible to me. THIS IS ALL PLAUSIBLE TO ME. That’s what …
… is really mind-blowing to me, not the fact that a “church” did all this, but the fact that I am not even shocked by this! This sounds right up their alley, this is what they do. This is why Katie Holmes had to construct an “Oceans 11” plan to get out of this marriage. It all makes perfect sense.
Y’all know my thoughts on Scientology so I won’t go into all of that again. But think about it—what other religion would you think a story like this was plausible about? I’m not a religious person, I’ve dabbled here and there, Christianity (baptized & Sunday school), Judaism (born that way), I dated a Muslim for a while, studied Buddhism and Tao for the hell of it, and so far settled on Atheism.
That’s a pretty broad spectrum of religions and they all have silly stories in their doctrines, but nothing recent. If an article came out saying that Christians have decided that wearing the color green acts as a filter for your soul and if you wear a green shirt every third Thursday of the month all your sins will be purged, then in your dreams on Thursday night you will meet a little green man in a yellow raincoat that will give you the password, and if you write down every password you receive it will become a phrase. If you say this phrase when you arrive at the pearly gates you will get into heaven, but if you forget the phrase then you will go to hell. No one would buy that. The article would be laughable and people would think it came from the Onion (or that I wrote it). It’s not plausible. But if an article came out that Scientologist’s thought that the collective masses would say, “Well, yeah I buy that.”
This story is very probably true. Scientology is a cult, they are controlling Tom Cruise and …well …who cares? Really, who cares? Is this going to impact us in any way? Is anyone shocked by this? Has the world gotten better or worse now that this knowledge is out there? Nope.
Look, Vanity Fair, we know Scientology is a cult. We know its bad news bears for all involved. We know they use Tom Cruise as the messiah. We know! So what are we going to do about it? Nothing … not a darn thing. We’re going to write about it … that’ll show ‘em!
The Church of Scientology and Scientologists aren’t going anywhere. They have succeeded where Jonestown and the Branch Davidians have failed. They are one of the most (if not the most) successful cult ever created. Deal with it.
Then, when this plan presumably failed, they built the Katiebot which somehow, through experience, managed to gain a soul and sentience. When Katie split from him the first question I asked, and I was genuine about it, was “How did she break her programming?” because she was clearly brainwashed. Or a cyborg. I prefer cyborg but I don’t like the idea that the scientologists have access to cyborgs. Also, of course Tom Cruise didn’t have sex, he’s gay.
If you never see me again the Scientologists found me.