I know everyone is excited about “Magic Mike” but I’m not. Firstly, girls get to be hookers with the heart of gold, okay? Not boys. Boys don’t get to take that role from us, we originated that role and we do it better. But that’s not what bothers me about this movie.
I know that it’s based on Channing Tatum’s life, or whatever, but c’mon. I cannot count how many times I have heard girls screaming at their boyfriends for going to a strip club, watching porn, or buying Playboy. It’s always the same things being said too – “they’re trashy” or “those girls are such skanks,” etc. You know; things of that nature. But when Channing Tatum and his bros get up on stage to gyrate and bare their bodies it’s okay? Why?
This all came to a head for me when I saw the above photo.
Yeah, it matters. It matters what the movie is about because movies are about plots not abs. Movies about abs play on Cinemax after 10 pm. I don’t care that these guys have nice stomachs and can grind their hips, I’m not mad at them for getting up and grinding on stage. I’m mad at you, ladies.
That’s right – you. You hypocritical broads that will yell at a man for looking at your boobs before your eyes but will pay 28 bucks to see this film. This isn’t about everyone it’s about a select few. The above photo was posted on someone’s Facebook wall and I was then assaulted with it on my news feed. When I saw it I wanted to scream. This girl not only gave her boyfriend the silent treatment for buying a magazine with Kate Upton on it but has repeatedly told me that she thinks strippers are “disgusting whores on par with the trash that walks Hollywood Boulevard.” But she is counting down the days until she sees this flick. I’m confused.
I don’t know what it is that makes it okay for men to do things and horrible for women to do it. It’s the age old battle of double standards. Is it because men with washboard abs and the ability to dance are so rare? Is that why it’s okay to put them on a stage, rub oil on them, and make them dance for dollars? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s ever okay. I’ve gone on my stripper rant before and my …
… rule for why it’s bad for women crosses over on why it’s bad for men.
The last part of this “I Hate Magic Mike Rant” is the fact that Steven Soderbergh directed this movie and it had a five million dollar budget. Five million dollars was spent on this movie that according to IMDB is described as: “A male stripper teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money.”
Why the hell did it cost five million dollars to make this? Why would anyone pay 28 bucks to go watch what you can see for free in any bar downtown? It’s guys being douchebags. That’s it. It’s guys making money, drinking too much, not respecting women, and getting laid as much as possible (and you know it’s quantity over quality). Just watch Jersey Shore or better yet, move to California, ’cause I live that. I live that every day of my 20 something year old life. I am covered in Magic Mike-esque behavior. Guys in Hollywood are making money hand over fist (I have no idea how) and spending it on shots of Jameson and falling all over girls with horrible lines like “I have a motorcycle wanna go for a ride?” Why would I pay to go see a prettier version of that? Okay so you added abs, strong jaws, choreography, and (God I’m hoping) better chat up lines but you know what I will spend my 28 dollars on Starbucks and sushi and stay in tonight, thank you.
Movies were a way for people to escape their awful, mundane, unromantic lives. This is not an escape. This is Sunset Blvd on a Saturday night. I’m having the same reaction to this movie that I do when I go out on a (rare) Saturday night. “WHY ARE LADIES FALLING FOR THIS?!” Why? I don’t understand. Why don’t you want better for yourself? Why does a six pack of abs and pop n’ lock do it for you?
But you know what – I have to come to terms with not everyone thinks like I do (even though I think you all should, mwah ha ha). Sometimes people just want mindless entertainment where they can turn people in objects (a trait of serial killers, think about that) and not worry that objectifying them is destroying them. That’s fine that can be your thing. All I ask, ladies … is if you’re going to see Magic Mike … at least pick up a Playboy for your man on your way home.