I written several times about how catty feminism can be, and sadly I am proved right yet again. Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen recently said that Ann Romney has “never worked a day in her life” and, therefore, can’t understand the struggles of most women. First, what a bunch of manure. Second? I don’t think Rosen has spent any time with Romney or as an at-home mother, so she can’t really weigh in on this topic.
The reason this quote bothers me is it landed Rosen in an article in which the writer states, “I know her (Rosen) slightly — we are both frequent panelists on PBS’ all-female public affairs program, “To the Contrary” — and she’s a perfectly nice woman. But she’s also a hard-core feminist — and that’s the problem.” No, the problem isn’t that she’s a “hard-core feminist,” it’s that people perceive a personal opinion from a woman to be a blanket statement of feminism.
I recently watched Angelina Jolie, who is a mother of six, on 60 Minutes. She was asked which she liked better—making a film or being at home, and Jolie said “I prefer being at home with my children” when the interviewer said, “Many parents would kill to be out making a movie,” to which Jolie responded, “Well of course, it’s easier.” That’s right—making a major motion picture in which you have the weight of a 120 million dollar budget hanging over your head is easier than raising kids.
Where did this myth come from that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy job? First of all, kids are time-sucks. They are demanding, selfish, self-centered, all-consuming jam-handed CEOs. Say what you will, but kids rule the roost. You sleep when they sleep, you eat when they want you to eat and if you do not give them their way, watch them rain down the holy terror of tears and temper tantrums (which is a lot like some editors and CEOs I’ve worked for, hmm …). You also never get rid of them: I know two people in their 30′s that just moved back into their parents’ house. This is a lifetime job. I still call my mother (who was not a stay-at-home mom) to ruin her day because I’m in a bad mood … shameful, I know, but whatever, right? That’s my job as a kid and her role as my mother. I always call to apologize, but the fact is she is the Joan Harris to my Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (that’s a Mad Men reference for all of you who have lives and don’t spend your days living through your TV) remains. For some reason my mother will always be the person that has all the answers, despite the fact that she lives 2,000 miles away and has never worked in the industry which I’m currently in.
Stay at home moms are amazing. The patience it takes to spend all day with kids is one trait to be admired. To say that Romney doesn’t understand the struggles of modern women just goes to show that Rosen doesn’t understand women—period. Women as a gender are generally empathetic and most mothers have a knack for putting themselves in others’ shoes and knowing how to navigate uncharted waters. They are selfless and give up their own lives and freedoms to ensure better lives for their children.
Moreover, single mothers should be admired and revered, because God knows I couldn’t do it. You can say that a stay-at-home mom doesn’t know what it’s like to be picked over for a job, or be fired, or know the stresses of having a deadline. But they do know what it’s like to be picked on and looked down upon for their choices by people like Rosen, and they know the stress of having to be responsible for another human being, knowing that every decision they make might end up being discussed ad nauseam in therapy one day. Also, they will never be fired because they will never stop working until they die. There is no retirement here, there will never be a raise, or enough thank yous. They may not know the pressure of a deadline, but they do know the pressure of being the one place that their kids feel safe and the pressure of having to protect them and be there for them even when they’re 2,000 miles away. I’d rather have the pressure of a deadline, a boss that screams at me who I can leave at the office, and the knowledge that when I’m 65, this is will all be over than to deal with the uber-responsibility of being a stay-at-home mom.
Hey Breanne, I’m with you on everything you say about stay at home moms. i do want to offer a word of defense for Rosen, however. I know it’s a matter of interpretation, but i really feel like Rosen wasn’t attacking Romney for not ever doing any work. i took it as an economic critique: that Romney couldn’t relate to women who haven’t had the choice about staying home (because finances required they work). As hard as it is to stay home (and i know because i’m home with my kids), it is an economic privilege to do so. Going to work often involves a lot of stress around leaving the kids and managing a job in addition to all the home responsibilities. That stress is compounded if you’re only doing it because you need the money (and you’d rather be home). Romney hasn’t had to deal with these pressures or choices. I think that’s all Rosen meant when she said she hasn’t had to work a day in her life. Regardless of what she meant, however, i think you make a really important point that her words shouldn’t be interpreted as representative of feminism. as if we could fit all of our opinions in one little basket! :)
I disagree with this article. I’m sorry, but when you have a millionaire husband, nannies, servants, and people who help you at every turn, it is NOT work being s stay at home mom. You just ranted about Jennifer Anniston spending 8,000 a month on makeup to look natural, yet are congratulating this woman on being a “Stay at home” Mom when she has the same resources?
Sorry, but I am in the corner for REAL stay at home moms, who have to clean up their own kids throw-up, wipe snot, change diapers and run to three different schools to pick them up.
Oh and I am not a stay at home mom, or a Mom at all, so I am not trying to toot my own poor horn. I am just so OVER women expecting a MEDAL for popping out a kid. Just because you do not work, does NOT make you a stay at home mom. Sorry.
OH and as for Angelina…I see how parenting is easy when you let them run around filthy and feed them crap. If only it were so easy for all of us to go shopping for little live fashion accessories, then decide when we want to jet home and play Mommy.
Please, PLEASE find some feminism for us real women…because lately as a loyal reader I am just disappointed.