Pornography is a touch subject for anyone; it’s extremely touchy for feminists, and I doubt most of them will like my stand on this. I think pornography has become a very feminist industry. Yes, there are still young girls with issues that get into for all the wrong reasons, but there are also successful, smart, businesswomen that come out of it as well.
There was a huge uproar when Sasha Grey read to children; Jenna Jameson has been called a number of things. Both of these women say they got into the industry for their own reasons. Sasha wanted to explore her sexuality, and Jenna wanted to become more confident. Both retired at early ages very wealthy women. Sasha has moved into more mainstream roles and Jenna started a company that sold to Playboy for 30 million dollars.
That’s a whole lot of girl power in two girls, and I haven’t even gotten to Katie Morgan yet. Or the 12 other college-educated “porn stars” I can name off the top of my head. I’ve also visited porn sets as a writer and the girls have been some of the sweetest I’ve worked with. When the director yells “cut” they usually start discussing everyday matters: what their kids are going to be for Halloween, the price of gas, etc. They’re normal girls making a living in a taboo way. They walk around being judged all the time and yet, they remain very strong in their convictions to do the work they want to. Selling sex is the oldest profession in the world – it’s not going anywhere anytime soon and finally, women have found a way to make it on their terms. That’s pretty feminist to me.
So naturally, it irritates me that newcomer James Deen is being hailed as a “feminist porn star.” Deen very well may be a feminist – I don’t know him personally – but it’s not the man that’s bothering me, but the reasons that the media are giving for his feminism. They say because he “looks his partners in the eye” and “whispers a constant stream of presumably sexy things in their ears.” Oh yes. He must love women.
The truth is most men in porn love women. They tend to prefer the company of women to men and are extremely …
… polite and respectful to women, at least in my experience. Porn is fantasy. I know many men that say they don’t enjoy a particular breed of sex or female in their real life but will watch that particular brand of porn. So these performers must do things that they normally wouldn’t to fulfill a fantasy. I don’t think Bruce Willis actually walks around fighting terrorists, nor does anyone believe him to be that guy. But in porn, you are what you … do.
In a recent interview with the Good Men Project, Deen mentions leaving one porn production because he “didn’t like the premise” of the film:
“Girls acted like they did something ‘bad’, like step on my shoe, and then I’d have rough sex to punish them. It made me feel icky. [But] at [BDSM conglomerate] Kink, this girl and I are having awesome sex and she likes to get slapped in the face. The sex isn’t punishment. It’s BDSM lifestyle, and they make it super clear it’s the girl’s fantasy.”
People are excited by different things. I’ve had many talks with friends about what excites us and we all like different things. Porn is escapism, and while you may never dream of slapping a woman in the face, there may be something about the violence that gets you hot, the same way women swoon when Bruce Willis shoots his gun. It doesn’t mean the man in the film is against women, it doesn’t mean the viewer is misogynist. A young man that says he feels “icky” for having rough sex as punishment is not a feminist; he’s a well-raised, polite man. Although, I do question a grown man that uses the word “icky” in an interview, or any conversation where the other person isn’t a five year old. He shouldn’t be celebrated as a leader in feminism; it’s shocking to me that this is shocking. This should be the norm. If a porn star comes out and says “I love hitting girls in the face and making them pay for it,” then we’ll have a news story.
While Deen is celebrated as a feminist for his quote and it stirs up media frenzy attention, no one says anything about the character of Don Draper. ‘Mad Men’ is a wildly successful show returning to AMC, and everyone is still in a tizzy about the return of this much-loved, award-winning show. The lead actor on the show is Jon Hamm, who is a wonderful, kind, smart man in real life who happens to play one of the most unfaithful, most disgusting, sexiest human beings on TV today. But I never hear a news story about that. Never a story about how one of the most successful shows on television that starts at 9 pm (6pm if you have satellite), a time when children are still awake watching TV, is one of the worst examples of a man. Don Draper is celebrated as a bad ass, a man’s man, idolized. Banana Republic has billboard on Wilshire Blvd in Los Angeles for their “Mad Men Collection” with a Draper look-alike. Where the news story on that?
It is still the taboo of porn: James Deen isn’t a feminist he’s a normal guy in an abnormal job. Whenever people are reminded that porn actors are real people – normal people! – apparently it’s a news story. This is a perfect example of how we need a little less judgment and a little more perspective.