The Secret and Scandalous Contents of January Jones’s Womb is Everyone’s Business

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When the beautiful January Jones announced her pregnancy on April 28th, most people assumed the father was her former short-lived boyfriend, SNL’s Jason Sudeikis. However, Sudeikis gave some kind of fumbly, stuttering interview where he confirmed that he knew about her pregnancy, but not much more and speculation moved on to consider the next likely option: that January Jones had slept with one of her X-Men co-stars. A mere week later, the gossip mill was convinced that it hadn’t just been Fassbender or some other unattached lead, it must be …

… a married man!

These claims all seemed to be based on some anonymous source, but it seems far more likely that the longer January Jones stays silent, the more scandalous the contents of her womb become.

This desperation to know who the father is seems, in part, about trying to figure out just how slutty Jones is, based on the trajectory of the gossip so far. She got pregnant with an ex’s kid, and didn’t find out til they were broken up? Unfortunate, maybe, but still respectable. Wait — is it the product of some random on-set hook-up? Hmm… that earns a frown. But a married co-star? Despicable.

Naturally, many gossip sites have begun compiling a list of names of the suspects in question: Matthew Vaughn, James McAvoy, Jason Flemyng, Kevin Bacon and, of course, that rogue Oliver Platt. As one charming blogger put it:

[T]his is about to get real interesting considering this guy either promised to leave his wife – And if it’s one of the cast or director Matthew Vaughn, assume Fox’s marketing department made him promise to wait until next month’s premiere while attempting to hide their massive erections. – or he said no such thing, and January Jones kept the baby anyway because she’s a crazy, vindictive bitch.

What doesn’t quite make sense about the frenzy over Jones’s decision to remain silent about the paternity is that she’s never very up-front about her personal life. Jones stays pretty quiet about her love life, but she joked in the latest issue of Allure that many news sources thought they’d caught her doing the “walk of shame” the next morning after allegedly hooking up with Adrian Brody, when she had really just crashed on her friend’s couch afterward and taken a taxi the next day.

But what I find the most interesting is the fact that most sources seem to find it unfathomable that Jones won’t just come out and tell them who it is and that her reluctance to do so must belie something more sinister. After all, whoever this is — married or not — he and Jones have their own issues to discuss, like raising a child. It’s not just that I balk at the idea that Jones somehow “owes it” to the media or her fans to reveal the father’s identity, but that there is something inherently shameful about a single pregnant woman, even a successful single woman who has starred in two blockbuster movies and a hit show just in the past year. Really? We really haven’t gotten past our white picket fence notions of parenthood?

Then again, it could be for a far simpler reason: this is probably the first case of mystery pregnancy the media has gotten a chance to pounce on in years. Either way, let’s just hope she doesn’t think pregnancy is an excuse for looking fat.

What’s your take? Is the focus on January Jones’s womb about slut-shaming, or even traditional notions of child-rearing? Do you care to know who the father is?



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8 thoughts on “The Secret and Scandalous Contents of January Jones’s Womb is Everyone’s Business

  1. So if it is the child of a married man, her keeping the baby makes her a “crazy vindictive bitch”? She should have run right out and had an abortion, right? Because she should know better than to inconvenience the guy by having a child that will force him to acknowledge his infidelity. Plus, he’ll have to help raise it and spend money on it. What a nasty piece of work she is to do that to that poor man.

  2. People only care because she’s a celebrity with a history of acting out. I guess you could turn this into a feminist issue, but I see it as a gossip issue. And if a married man is dumb enough to cheat on his wife, he deserves to be saddled with the responsibility. Although if it’s McAvoy, I’ll be crushed.

  3. This beautiful idiot has ruined her career. First she has a thing with married man Bobby Flay and now she gets pregnant with a mystery baby, father unknown. Why would she continue to keep quiet when innocent men are being dragged into her ish. She is really something….and not something good.

    • Because she doesn’t want to sell her private life, maybe? Also, it takes two to tango. Whoever got her pregnant also has a responsibility and it is not like he’s been lured into it.

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