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I watched MTV’s 16 and Pregnant: No Easy Decision on Tuesday night, which, if you can’t tell from the title, is the first of the series to explore abortion, though past episodes of the series have shown couples both keeping their baby or putting a child up for adoption. We’re reintroduced to Markai and James, who found out they were pregnant again a few months after filming their episode of 16 and Pregnant where they found out they were pregnant with their daughter Za’karia. Since we left them, they finished high school, Markai was saving money for college next semester, James got a job, and they got their own house. By any accounts, they were doing well. How did they get pregnant again? Markai was on Depo-Provera, and she missed an appointment for her shot, and didn’t use a condom as backup, explaining later that she just assumed some of the birth control was still in her system. In a scene that seems relatively staged, Markai says, “I feel like it’s my fault that I’m pregnant now,” to …
… which James articulately responds, “Man, everyone knows that it takes two to tango.”
Markai realizes that she doesn’t know enough about abortion (or, the producers realized that this would be a good opportunity to explain the different abortion procedures without making it seem like an agenda) and so she calls a women’s clinic, and crys while the woman on the phone tells her about medical and surgical abortion procedures available. Markai says that, “The best decision is our kids having everything they need in the future,” but that she’s “in love with this baby already, and this baby isn’t doing nothing but making me sick.”
Markai is lucky that she has a supportive family. Her mother, Sarina tells her “My heart is broken,” but that she loves her and supports her in anything she does. But this time, Markai is “on her own” and that she can’t tell her what to do. Markai is shown debating her options, and revealing that no matter what she chooses, she’s always going to wonder “what if.” Though several conversations about what to do are filmed with James, Markai is the focus here, as is the case with all episodes of 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom. They face the reality that they cannot take care of another baby if Za’karia is going to have the life they want her to. Markai is filmed going to and from the clinic, looking uncomfortable after the procedure, and at dinner with James, where they argue about their different coping mechanisms to this experience. James says that it’s important to not call it a baby, but Markai believes that that takes away from what she’s experiencing, telling James, “You will never feel my pain.” Ultimately, Markai says, “We made the decision, I just wonder if we could have made a better one.” What that better decision could have been isn’t revealed, as Za’karia starts crying.
In the discussion with Dr. Drew, we find out more details about the pregnancy. Markai was 6 weeks along when she had her abortion, and everyone in the clinic was “nice and gentle” to her. She met with a counselor, who helped her make sure it was what she wanted to do, but who strangely enough, also reminded her to not think of it as having “10 fingers, 10 toes and a forehead,” which was all I could think about after picturing that image. Markai and James now use condoms in addition to Depo-Provera, even though they admit they don’t want to and it doesn’t “feel as good.” Two other women come on to discuss their experiences, Katie and Natalia, neither of whom have children. Natalia had a particularly interesting story; when she was pregnant, she was from a state that required parental consent, but actually went to court to get to get a judicial bypass for it, which she said was hard, because you were “begging to make your own decision.” She actually even sold her prom ticket to help pay for the procedure. Katie had less of a traditional sob story, but also explained that like Markai, it was confusion over her birth control that led to her pregnancy (she actually was vomiting it up, which she didn’t realize meant that it was never in her system).
Dr. Drew reminds us that 1 out of 4 teen moms will give birth again within two years, but that one out of three teen moms will also get abortions. We’re also told that 750,000 teenagers get pregnant every year, and that there is no way to please everyone with this discussion, but that it’s an important one to have. Despite this disclaimer, it does seem as though MTV is desperately trying to convince someone out there that this conversation is valid. James makes a point of saying that no one should judge their decision, because they don’t know what they’ve gone through. We’re told repeatedly that no one puts abortion first, and no one is pro-abortion, or at least, “anyone with a heart.”
Ultimately, Dr. Drew reminds us that “having an abortion is not uncommon. Talking about it is.” Hearing these women’s stories was both fascinating in how different they were, but how very much the same. They have moved on with their lives, and none of them regret it. But I think the overall message “That the reality, this is really hard” is hurting women more than helping them. We’re told repeatedly that abortion is the toughest decision you’ll ever make in your life, but is it? Life is full of tough choices; that’s what defines it. As amazing as it was to watch this be talked about openly, the degree to which it was emphasized that this is not an easy decision to make doesn’t help anyone, and actually stigmatizes women who don’t feel that it was difficult for them. Leaving room for all types of experiences to be defined as valid is what the pro-choice movement should be doing, not attempting to kowtow to those who are anti-abortion by emphasizing how bad everyone feels about it. These women have had abortions, and they stood up and talked about it, and for that I am impressed. Let’s respect them enough to let them feel however they feel.
If you’re interested, check out MTV’s website about safe sex, the liveblog that 16 and Loved did on this episode, courtesy of Exhale, an after-abortion resource group.
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Kowtow: Chinese
kòutóu, from kòu (to knock) + tóu (head)
1. to touch the forehead to the ground as a sign of deference: a former Chinese custom
2. (often foll by to) to be servile or obsequious (towards)
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Maddening, simply maddening. I have been seeing too much of this.
I forgive the commenter’s transgressions, but the writers?
I think it’s legitimate to acknowledge that this is a difficult decision for a lot of women. Far too many anti-choice activists like to simplify women who get abortions as lazy women who simply got get abortions at lunch and don’t think twice about it because they’re “heartless.” No one likes to talk about it being a difficult decision because that would imply that women who get abortions are humans capable of emotion.
I don’t understand how pointing out that it’s a hard decision stigmatizes it. Maybe for once, we should accept that what’s on tv might actually be real. Abortion IS a difficult decision. It’s not something to be taken lightly, no matter what side of the fence you’re on.
Perhaps for some women it is easy. But I would take a hunch and say that’s not the majority.
And when did it ever become right to tell someone they shouldn’t have their pain seen because it ‘might stigmatize others who had an easier time’. No, I’m sorry. That’s wrong.
I was raised in a sex-positive, feminist, open household. I was taken to rallies as a child wearing tshirts that said “Here By Choice” for years by my mother. I was allowed to read “Our Bodies, Ourselves” (perhaps a wee bit too early in life, but w/e) and I was given as much information as was available regarding family planning.
And a few years ago when my long term relationship ended and I got knocked up by a friend I went to for comfort…..not a hard decision at all. I went in, got my little pills, and rarely think about it.
I think the author of this post makes a great point about telling people it is a hard choice, and it should be stressful, and it will stick with you forever, and OMG the horrorz!!! If you have not received the education to go along with the fear I would assume that you will probably have a LOT of issues dealing with an abortion.
Bottom line: Education is SO fucking important. Things that I would consider to be common sense (the vomiting up of pills for starters) for anyone need to be made clear. If you have the facts you will be better able to make decisions. After you have the facts, then color your choice with whatever religious/ethical template makes you happy and then talk about the difficulty of the choice and the long term repercussions.
Was it fun?
Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!
Dunno, is taking aspirin fun? Chemical abortion FTW!
I thought at first this sounded like a reasonable way to show the difficult reality, but not anymore. that would have worked as a couple-episode thing, but now it’s a regular TV show, the kids are TV stars, and I’m seeing them constantly in the supermarket tabloids.
I’ve changed my position. I think this show is glorifying teen pregnancy, even if showing the difficulty, because it’s trying to make stars out of more random people who didn’t do anything for it (except get pregnant).
With all the attention they’re getting, I think they are making it attractive to teenagers.
I have a miscarriage with my husband and this litttle tramp is running around getting knocked up then killing the kid at her own free will and you honestly think i’m going to be impressed or respectful of anything she does? The attention whoring little twit needs to go ahead and fade off into oblivion instead of exploiting the daughter she decided she could be bothered with keeping.
Any sympathy you may have gotten was flushed down the toilet by your obviously nasty nature.
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Wow.
Yeeeaahh…..sympathy for you is pretty much less than none. So…you had a miscarriage and therefore no one should ever intentionally terminate their pregnancy!
Many of the women I am friends with have had abortions.
All of them said it was a painful decision.
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Not a hard decision to make, just a painful one to have to make. Not one of them is glad for the birth control fail that led to the abortions.
I think that calling abortion a difficult decision is representative of most women’s feelings on the subject.
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I would think that women who have absolutely no emotional reaction to having an abortion should be able to handle a program that is sympathetic to those who do.
You are a liar, stupid or massive troll. Please choose.
“Many of the women I am friends with have had abortions.”
“Not one of them is glad for the birth control fail that led to the abortions.”
So, all the many women you know have abortions and it is all because the failure of birth control. Not that they are drunks and can’t keep their whore legs closed. Too bad your mom didn’t act more like your friends.
Are you like, 70 or something?
Accept some facts, okay?
1. Alzaetia is none of the things that you ascribed to her. She is a thoughtful and intelligent regular commentor.
2. Women discuss things with other women that they simply don’t with men. Just because you haven’t been taken into confidence regarding abortion doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. Or perhaps it is just the knowledge that you’ll be judgmental discourages this?
4. This is a feminist web site. While we have widely divergent opinions on abortion, we are mostly respectful of one another.
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One of the stupidest stances I have seen is when someone (generally either anti choice or poorly educated) acts as if the pro choice stance on abortions is that it is all rainbows, lollipops and fun, and a suitable substitute for birth control.
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Who the hell would choose a painful procedure over using a condom, taking a pill, etc?
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LeDouche, your remarks were unconscionably rude and totally uncalled for. We have largely welcomed you here with humor and kindness.
I believe that you owe an apology.
Also, I don’t think troll means what you think it does. See mirror.
Blurry, I’m telling you this person is evil. Not a troll, not funny, just evil. I really think that Sasha must know it personally or somehow cannot stop it, because it will ruin this site.
I second that sentiment.
If this is the case, then we simply must ignore it.
To do otherwise gives it undeserved power.
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Let’s face it- if any of you (and you know who you are) were to say something truly nasty to me, my feelings would possibly be hurt. The only reason that this is possible is because I have come to respect you all and value you point of view – even when it doesn’t match mine, perhaps even more because of this. Yes, we have had disagreements. This generally seems to happen when there is a new poster who isn’t accustomed to us.
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I was a bit taken aback with the comment directed at Joey, but I figured that Joey was a tad rude AND he certainly can handle it.
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If this is how this person intends to conduct themselves, then we most definitely will ignore it. It can only ruin ZL if we allow it.
I’m not willing to give that kind of power to it.
I’m with you on that Blurry! Roll call..
Your right Blur,I as well as she can handle it. Yes,I think that your right about deuche being a woman,I also think she is Australian,roofucker is an Australian insult. I actually enjoy her moralistic postings and don’t want to see her or anyone censored.
“Who the hell would choose a painful procedure over using a condom, taking a pill, etc?”
That said, making that choice requires forethought, which sadly, not everyone has. It’s not that some people would rather have an abortion, but that some people utterly fail to plan to not get pregnant, and end up aborting it once it’s the only no-baby choice left.
I believe your friends are conscientious adults. Not everyone is.
Ahahahahhahahaha I love it when we piss of LeDouche!! I almost want to get knocked up JUST so I can abort it and post all about it to piss him off.
The secret lives of women are full of things you would never expect. A man can never really know a woman, and that is probably a good thing.
I hate to even respond to this, but I said birth control fail, not birth control failure. It was a figure of speech.
Some of the women did have a failure of birth control (too low dose, missed a pill, etc) but one of them (in particular) just failed to use birth control. Hence the general term; birth control fail.
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Even the one who flat out didn’t use birth control was not happy to be having an abortion. She absolutely regretted not having prevented the pregnancy to begin with.
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And no, not one of them was drunk. And since they also weren’t raping the men who got them pregnant, I’m pretty it wasn’t their fault alone.
Well, since you cleared that up, never mind.
No need of that, Alzaetia.
Those of us in the triple digit IQs (and under age 70) got it the first time.
Firstly I would like to say I resent the roofucker comment as I am Australian and I can tell you that not all of us are narrow minded and completely judgmental. Secondly I have made the choice to abort a pregnancy and prior to my getting pregnant always swore that I would never or could never make that decision. I feel that I made it for the right reasons- My partner and I could neither monetarily nor emotionally support another human being, my partner was clear that he was not prepared for fatherhood and it is my belief that no person should be forced into that role as it can create an entirely dysfunctional situation which no innocent child should have to endure, also in my personal case I felt my main reason to keep the pregnancy was because of my own emotional insecurities, wanting that unconditional love, and that would not have been fair to that child by any means and I feel that would’ve been selfish of me. Adoption was not a feasible option for me as adoption in Australia is extremely difficult and our foster/welfare system is not at an acceptable standard and I would be afraid that that child would end up ultimately unloved and unwanted and in a social and emotional position that would result in that child placing themselves at risk. That might seem a stretch for others but I believe it is a legitimate fear and perhaps a reason why others may not view adoption as a viable option.
I’m not saying that these circumstances or my reasonings apply to every one, but they are mine and were valid for me. I think ultimately that’s what it comes down to your choice based on your own reasonings wether they be choosing options other than abortion or choosing abortion.