In today’s WTF file, a man in Toowoomba, Australia has married his dog. Of course he has.
Joseph Guiso married his Labrador retriever, Honey, in a ceremony in front of 30 of his friends and family.
From The Chronicle:
“She didn’t say anything so I took that as a yes.”
Mr Guiso said as a “religious guy,” he could no longer take the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock.
“You’re my best friend and you make every part of my day better,” Mr Guiso’s vows read.
So, Mr. Guiso is a little wacky. I think we can all agree on that. I get loving your dog a stupendous amount- coming home to my dog is one of the best …
… parts of my day, and I understand how someone would want to express that happiness to others in some meaningful way. My tactic tends to be to talk about my dog too much and maybe post too many photos of her on Facebook, but I suppose one might be in need of a more formidable gesture. But let’s be clear here – this is outright stupid. Marriage is for consenting adults, and should be taken seriously. People are fighting for the right to marry around the world, and using marriage as a ceremony to express your love for your pet seriously undermines that fight.
And it’s not like this ‘wedding’ is a freak circumstance. A man in Korea married his pillow, a woman in France married the Eiffel Tower, a woman in India married a cobra, and a man in Russia married the Berlin Wall. Seems people all over the world are deciding to marry things other than other people. So what gives? Are people so lonely, and unable to find a mate that they are willing to throw themselves a sham ceremony just to gain attention? Are people genuinely convinced that they love they feel for these animals/objects is somehow on the same level as that of a human couple? Or, are these people just all batshit crazy?
I’m not exactly sure what is going on, but I do know we need to stop referring to these ceremonies as marriages. Of course none of them are legal, but I find even the label offensive. I remember at one point, daring to argue about homosexual rights with my grandfather. His counter argument was “What’s next – are we going to let people marry CHAIRS??” And of course I responded that equating a person to a chair was outright offensive. But it seems that this is exactly what these people are doing.
Don’t let my grandpa be right, guys. He’ll never let me live it down.