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I? Consider myself to be a big follower of current fashion. I’m also a bit of a critic of anything that won’t flatter all – or at the very least, most – body types, and this season’s ‘It’ list from InStyle, predictably, disappoints me.
Allow me to prelude my disdain for the list by saying a few things – one, I am shorter than the average woman. At 5′3″, I have a hard time finding pants lengths that are perfectly flattering and don’t make me look dumpy. I’m also a bit smaller on top than I am on bottom – to put it into terms we can all understand, I’m an XS on top and a M on bottom. This also means that I don’t have much of a chest, which makes some of the fashions on this list rather problematic, and primarily why I don’t like practically anything featured on InStyle’s list.
I won’t continue sitting here and griping about my body type versus off-the-rack cut clothing, because that’s not my intent, so without further ado, here’s your Greatest Winter Fashion List Ever:
1. The leather jacket.
OK, I’ll admit, this is the one thing that stuck out as ‘alright’ for me on the list – anyone who’s not opposed to rocking real cowhide should look good in this choice, and anyone who’s opposed to it … that’s your choice. Buy PVC. It’s not as soft-looking, but it’s doable if you can get past the smell of engineered plastic composite.
2. The flowy floral dress.
Boo on this. Why? Because the dress that the magazine calls for is wispy, ethereal, and – gasp – layered. Anything layered on my bottom half is, well, out of the question for obvious reasons. I need as few layers as possible from the waist down, and anything wispy and flowy up top completely camouflages my shoulders, décolletage, and non-existent bust. Fail, floral flowy dress, and return to 1990s B. Moss where you belong.
3. Cargo pants.
This, if anything, is a bottom-heavy woman’s nightmare. Please. Pockets on the sides of your thighs? I’d run screaming faster than I could say ’saddlebags.’ You keep your nifty t-rolled cargo pants, Victoria Beckham, but thanks for the consideration.
4. The fur vest.
Again, with the PETA people, rock it if you can. I’m not a big fan of fur (and not for the more noble reasons of being totally squicked out by the thought of skinning animals solely for their fur, but hey, it’s a close second) because anything fuzzy near my neck sends me into a fit of giggles, but alright. Vests in general. Not so awful. Unless, of course, you’re a large-chested man or woman, and then you probably look way out of proportion on top. See? So much for off-the-rack fashion.
5. Fair Isle sweaters.
I didn’t know that’s what they’re called, but I actually let out a gasp of horror when I saw this jacket/cardigan. It reminded me of the days when I was in my late teens and early twenties visiting the beach during the off season and buying those rough, knitted blankets off of the boardwalk. (Don’t know what I’m on about? Maybe it’s an East Coast thing.) We’d wrap ourselves up in them, sit on the boardwalk, and be as unattractive as possible. Enough said.
6. Leopard-print cardigans.
I’m all for printed cardigans, and cardigans in general are just completely awesome, but I’m not huge on leopard-print or zebra-print. Something about it just screams, ‘Couga!’ and Uncle Jesse to me. I’m a child of the eighties, but even some things about the eighties should be left there. Like leopard-print anything.
7. The full skirt.
Probably layered with crinoline. Can you say ‘ugh’? If you’re me, you can. I really love the look of the fluffy 80s prom-looking skirt, but it’s just not for me or my body type. When I wear skirts, I prefer them to be below the knee and of the pencil persuasion. Anything with puff, well … fuggedaboutit.
8. The parka.
Sure. I mean, it’s winter, right? And who seriously walks around trying to be a fashion plate in their winter coat? I know not I. The purpose of a winter coat, in my humble opinion, is to generate and retain warmth, not double as flimsy haute couture. This pick? An evident win.
Will you guys be rushing out to fill your closets with this winter’s most fashionable, or are you more like me, a fashion humbug?
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Fair Isle is the Name of the pattern of that sweater, not the style.
Shazza, you beat me to it! Lol.
I do agree that this list is for the birds though. Seriously, a skirt that barely covers your ass in winter is NOT my idea of a good time. I’d be afraid of growing icicles out my ass. Give me long johns, jeans and turtlenecks with wool sweaters any day!
I don’t know, I think it’s all adorable.
And I’m 5′3 pear shaped and I always make it work…
I hear you on the whole “full skirt” thing.God bless the pencil skirt!
The only thing I’d really wear on this list is the parka. I think it looks adorable with some leggings and a cute boot. Besides, you can wear your nightgown to starbucks with this thing on and no one is the wiser. WIN!
If you need a parka, you’re nuts to be wearing leggings.
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I don’t follow fashion. I don’t care about fashion. I believe that it is designed to perpetuate a materialistic society in which items are thrown away while barely worn in favour of equally short-lived new trend pieces, and encourages wastefulness.
I think most of fashion looks terrible on most women, and the few exceptions are simply so attractive that they can shine through their terrible clothes.
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Find what looks good on you, suites your body and lifestyle, and to hell with the rest.
I live in Alberta. I will be wearing a winter jacket. sometimes my parka-like one, sometimes my massive down puffy one. And sometimes I’ll be in a softshell, and occasionally (like today) I’ll be walking to work in a t-shirt. Because that’s what the weather calls for.
I live on the Oregon coast, I will be wearing a waterproof coat, and a waterproof coat. And sometimes I’ll wear a waterproof coat. Throughout winter that is what the weather calls for ALWAYS. I really save on coats though as I only own one :D
And this is why I don’t live on the coast. Awesome as the ocean is, I have an incredible need for sun.
My body believes that the amount of sunlight experienced in Southern Alberta is the norm..
The pacific northwest would kill me.
I grew up in the Sonoran Desert of Arizona, I was so sick of heat and sunlight that when I hit 18 I bolted for rain and clouds, and I adore the rain and clouds and being able to see more than heat and glare bouncing off the ground when I go outside. I can’t currently imagine leaving the Pacific Northwest.
I can see getting sick of the heat. I don’t think I could survive that myself. I start to melt around 30 – less if I have to work in the weather and not just lie on a beach.
But I love my sun. We rarely get continuous cloud here, and to get more than three days of cloud really messes with my mood.
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A lawyer I used to know said he could walk out the door and tell right away whether it was going to be a good day in court or a bad day – the weather so affected everyone he worked with.
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It is good that you like cloud and rain. That seems kinda a necessary factor. )
I grew up in Southern California and made a beeline for Washington state in my early 20’s. Family ties dragged me back to SoCal shortly afterwards, and I’ve missed it ever since. My husband and I are looking at Washington for a long term residency if he can find as good a job there as he has there.
The sunlight and heat depresses me. I can barely drag myself out of the house during the summer months.
Alzeatia, my sister is a real estate agent in Eastern Wa, she could refer you to a great agent wherever you were looking to live in WA. My family is north os Spokane (the drier side of the cascades).
Speaking of fashions in washington, I still occassionally see folks wearing socks with Teva sandals or even birkenstocks… :P
I can see heat being oppressive and causing you to want to cower indoors in the AC, but how can sunlight be depressing? Are you built backwards? :)
Good luck with job-hunting.
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The more hikers and such you have in the area, the more things are going to be built off function rather than fashion. I wear socks and sandals sometimes. It’s practical – you don’t want to wear real shoes (ick!), but it’s too cold to go barefoot. This is, of course, not in any place where one would be caring about fashion.
It’s Seasonal Affective Disorder. It’s more prevalent in colder climates where people get depressed because there’s no sun.
So, yes. I am totally backwards…
I thought those mexican blankets were for sitting ON, not IN. :)
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I… don’t agree. I wear the floral dresses (they really skim your hips, believe me, I’ve got a lot of junk in my trunk); ice-skater skirts, mini skirts (NEVER below the knee if I can help it); leather jackets and I want a fur coat. The only thing I don’t like is #5. I guess European fashion doesn’t agree with American fashion!
BTW, my new favorite thing in the world is fleece lined tights.
They’re really warm and make wearing dresses in winter totally comfy.
This post was so whiney. My gosh. It’s not that you have to like the fashions, but must you whine so much? Yeah it doesn’t suit your body, according to you (a million times I have read that poofy A-line skirts are great for pear shapes because it hides the hips in the poofiness), but all fashion doesn’t fit everyone. I have skinny thighs and wide hips and almost all pairs of pants I find on the racks don’t fit me. It’s life. Stop complaining and hating.