Female Online Commenter Speaks Out About the ‘M’-Word

photo of black swan natalie portman pictures photographs

I know, it’s confusing to me too.

An anonymous poster on The Frisky shared her take on masturbation. Namely that she has never done so.

She was inspired to comment on her opinion on masturbation after watching Natalie Portman’s character touch herself in Black Swan (which, by the way, if you haven’t seen, you need to do so. Immediately. And then come have drinks with me so we can discuss my theories on the film. And why Natalie Portman is the best).

From the anonymous poster:

“It’s not that I don’t believe that masturbation is a good thing—for other people. I’m just thoroughly disgusted by the idea of touching myself. To me, it seems like the deepest depravity, the darkest, most uncomfortable place to go. Literally, and metaphorically, I suppose. I have too much internalized shame about my body and my sexuality to jill-off on my own. In fact, my negative feelings about …

… my body and my attractiveness probably can be attributed largely to not wanting to go down that path. It’s also that I suppose I conceive of my sexuality as somewhat transactional—part of my sexual joy comes in the ability to turn someone else on.”

Well that’s just sad. It’s sad that she sees her genitals as something to be ashamed of, so much so that she won’t even touch them. It is rather problematic to view the female genitalia as something disgusting, that should arouse discomfort in people (although the advertising for menstrual products would have you think this is the acceptable norm).

I also have difficulty with the reliance of deriving joy from another’s sexual pleasure. Now would you agree to eat a meal by a chef who insists “Oh no, no, no. I don’t eat. I just like to watch others eat”? Probably not.

Part of the base mentality here might surround cultural theories of masculinity and femininity as polarities. As masculine is strong, aggressive, and assertive, feminine is fragile, embracing and accepting. Sex is also polarised – Someone is taking something from the other, and the emphasis has been on the male. This mentality has helped to develop female sexuality- that is, of course, not to say that this is the way female sexuality exists today. It has been far more adaptive to the individual, which is why this post struck me as fascinating. She’s a grown woman who has no problem letting others touch her genitals, but can’t touch them herself.

However what many of the commenters found strange was the poster’s final comment:

“Self-penetration—whether with fingers or dildos or vibrators—strikes fear in my heart. I hope some day I’ll get over this stigma—but until then, my vagina will be hands-free.”

Which makes you sort of think that perhaps the poster isn’t really quite aware of how masturbation works. After all, you’re working for you. Do whatever the hell you want. That’s sort of why people do this sort of thing. Unless she is confused about the anatomy of things down there. In which case … well poor her.



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13 thoughts on “Female Online Commenter Speaks Out About the ‘M’-Word

  1. Bless her heart, you can tell she has deep sexual issues. I hope somebody will help her; not because I think masturbating is necessary or whatever, but because she clearly hates her body. No, girl — embrace it! It’s you!

    • I don’t think she HATES her body – maybe she just has a problem penetrating herself. I can agree. I have no problem manipulating my clitoris during sex and masturbation but the thought of sticking my fingers or my hands up my vagina kind of grosses me out. I don’t like the feeling on my fingers. It feels like I’m handling raw meat (which grosses me out as it is) or poking at an open wound. That warm, fleshy feeling is not appealing. But I don’t hate my body.

  2. I wonder how she deals with her period. Just no tampons or cups? I used pads for a long time because I wasn’t comfortable with my body or touching it. It wasn’t until I started having sex that I got way more comfortable with my body.

    • Isn’t it funny how that works? I went through the same progression. I couldn’t even fathom using tampons when I got my period at 13, I was pads only til 16 and suddenly started using tampons when I started having sex/masturbating. And now I’m even more comfy with myself and use a cup.
      .
      I also agree with mireee too, hope this woman gets some help. What a lousy way to go through life! I bet she’s so uptight she can’t even orgasm. Girl needs to relax, take a nice bubble bath and explore a bit! I do understand getting off seeing your partner get off, but her characterization of such a thing as “transactional” seems really sad to me. Mutual satisfaction is not a transaction in my mind :/

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