Regarding abortion, I am what’s known in common language as “pro-choice.” In other words, I believe that there are some situations where a woman is not in a position to be pregnant (cases of rape or incest come to mind), raise a child, give a child up for adoption, or otherwise handle motherhood. I have a problem with the wording because of course I am pro-life—I consider human life to be of the utmost value.
It’s just that, in both my personal and professional life, I have seen enough ruined children who have been told by their mothers, “I should have aborted that little bastard” (and yes, that’s a …
… direct quote, and no, it was not an isolated incident). These children are raised without love, without comfort, with the unbearable weight on their fragile shoulders of being the destructor of their mother’s dreams.
And that sucks.
And lest you think that I don’t have firsthand knowledge on this subject, I was pregnant at seventeen. I weighed every option, and it was agonizing.
I knew that I would not be able to carry a baby inside me for nine months, pop it out, hand it over to complete strangers, and go merrily on with my life. I have always loved children–I started babysitting when I was ten years old–and knew that my arms would ache eternally for a baby that I gave away … and I knew that was a pain I could not stand.
I’m going to be completely honest with you. Did I consider abortion? Heck, yeah, I did. It would save me disappointing my parents (yet again … I was not what you would call an easy child), it would keep me from having to face the shame of walking around pregnant (I looked about twelve when I was seventeen), it would take away the worry of how I would possibly take care of a baby on my own.
I chose to keep my baby, and I’ve never once regretted it.
It was the right choice for me.
And interestingly, being in that position myself solidified the pro-choice mindset that I was raised with. I do not believe it would not have been selfish for me to have an abortion—I was seventeen, and my daughter was born three months after I graduated from high school. Had my family been less supportive than they were, both emotionally and financially, it would have been a disaster all around. I was incredibly lucky … and I was not the norm.
I know tons of people that have had abortions. All of them took it very seriously, all of them felt an overwhelming sense of regret and relief, and all of them ultimately felt like it was the right choice for them … even though virtually all of them remember that dark day, the 23rd of October or whatever, and grieve deeply.
Which is why I am offended, appalled, and any sort of disgusted with the cavalier attitude demonstrated by so many people on Twitter under #ihadanabortion.
Check some of these out:
insaneartgurl Yay! RT @LadyD224 @AbortionFunds @IAmDrTiller I’ve also heard the #ihadanabortion tag has inspired many to donate. :) #prochoice
SexyTuesdays @iamdrtiller : Time for us to come out. Who’s had an abortion? Let’s show antis we’re not intimidated by scare tactics. Use: #ihadanabortion
feminismxianity RT @alexandra_opny: @IAmDrTiller To all the women tweeting #ihadanabortion I fully support your right to exercise your freedom of choice! #prochoice
@abortionfunds: Not only do 61% of those who have abortions already have children, even more will eventually. #ihadanabortion #ihadababy
And there are your standard back-and-forths, most of them a bunch of mudslinging on both sides. This particular one pulled at my heartstrings a bit.
@SarahMindek: #ihadanabortion took away my brother. I want him back. Fuck your 61%. It destroyed my family. There is no grave. Nowhere to leave flowers.
LadyD224 Yeah, siblings must all miss the aborted fetuses the same way they miss any # of things they never had. #ihadanabortion #prochoice
Bottom line—I am pro-choice because I think there are many cases where abortion is the right decision—rape, incest, subjecting children to a life in the projects buying groceries with food stamps, whatever. (And finding out that the baby your surrogate is carrying has Down’s Syndrome is not one of them, by the way–if you want a baby badly enough to fuck around with nature, you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences)
Reading this Twitter thread makes me sick to my stomach. I thought in my naïve way that everybody viewed abortion as a serious decision with lifelong consequences made only after a great deal of reflection.
These women are freaking bragging about it? On Twitter?
I’m going to the bathroom to vomit now.
Though I know people who feel the same way that you do about this issue, I . . . do not. Try as I might, I do not understand why this particular medical procedure carries so much emotional baggage for some of those who have had it.
That said, they have ever right to feel the way that they feel. But others who have had abortions do not necessarily feel that way, and that is fine. They have done nothing wrong, and they should not need to feel that they are carrying some secret burden.
As a guy, I will never be in a position in which I might need to have an abortion. But if I were, I would probably tweet about it — I would certainly do so if I had tweeted when I had discovered that I was pregnant. I have talked with a number of my female friends about this, and most of them agree with me.
The obvious answer is: pseudo fame.
.
People get book deals and television shows out of laying bare their most intimate secrets. People are still talking about Angie Jackson who not only tweeted her abortion but youtubed, facebooked, and blogged it.
.
That’s all there is to it. Fame.
.
And misguided passive activism. If I make my facebook status something about breast cancer, the military, or animal cruelty, then I’m making a difference. If I tweet about an abortion, then I’m making a profound political statement.
.
In reality, you’re screaming into a hurricane.
Not all women are traumatized by an abortion. I don’t think I would be because I’m so firmly set against having children that getting pregnant would probably make me incredibly hateful, but I’ve never been pregnant so I really can’t say. And while I think the twitter posts are severely lacking in class, that’s the consequence of being pro-choice; you have to live with the fact that there are some classless people out there who want to flaunt their abortions instead of just leaving it as it is.
.
If I got an abortion, I wouldn’t post it on facebook, the same as I wouldn’t post the new sex position my boyfriend and I tried a week ago. It’s just not something I’m sharing with facebook/twitter.
I don’t think they’re bragging. Seems to me they’re just seeking solidarity, like any online support group.
Right wing: “Abortions are evil & forbidden”
Left wing: “Abortions are permitted as long as you tell us how horrible & anguished they were”
Me: “Not as bad as having the wisdom teeth yanked”
no, they aren’t a big deal for everyone. For some people, they view what’s developing as not even remotely human, and simply a chunk of cells to dispose of. An abortion is a wonderfully convenient way for it to not become anything else.
there are definitely people out there who did abort, and think no more of it than having a tooth removed.
Let me start by saying that I can’t begin to express my gratitude that our good author refuses to cede the term ‘pro-life’ to those who are simply anti-choice. ‘Pro-life’- what a horribly co-opted and manipulative term.
Moving along. I’m pretty firmly pro-choice. I have a difficult time understanding how someone couldn’t be. I have many friends who are anti-choice who – in candid moments, and hey, a few bottles of wine into the evening – will admit that if it was their daughter who came home pregnant at 16, well, their belief system might become a bit more flexible.
That said, I have a sort of difficult time understanding how someone could be so cavalier about it. Including the attitudes evinced by some of the comments herein. And so help me – Twitter and Facebook and all of these other self-indulgent, ego-centric, anti-social vehicles are going to destroy human-kind. It’s my understanding that Twitter limits you to 140 characters. So….someone decides to discuss with the world at large their decision to terminate a pregnancy in 140 characters or less. Are you fucking kidding me?? Actually – you know what?? Thank God they had the abortion. Because people like that shouldn’t be trusted to raise a fern.
Also – cheers to you, Ms. Loud. Cheers for having the fortitude and intelligence (at 17 no less…..) to make an informed – and heart-wrenching – decision. And cheers for having the fortitude to talk about it so candidly, honestly, openly and emotionally today.