While I usually cover some heavier fare, I just couldn’t resist this particularly asinine article from AskMen: “Ways to Tease Her and Make Her Crazy For You.” So, without further ado, let’s get down to business.
10. Bust her on her jokes
The premise behind this one is that if a woman tells a joke (which apparently they shouldn’t do), you should pretend like it isn’t funny: “The longer you keep a straight face on this one, the more you’ll hit her funny bone.” Yeah, making a woman feel like she’s stupid and humorless is going to win you major brownie points.
9. When she asks stupid questions, give stupid answers
This one should go without saying. Sarcasm in this situation is one thing; douchebaggery is not.
8. Slap her hand
You’re apparently supposed to do this if you’re out and you thinks she’s being kind of naughty, as it’s a great way to make physical contact. Hmm, instead of hitting her in public, why not try and gently touch her hand or her arm. If she’s really being “naughty,” she’ll make it obvious and in that case, she might want a slap somewhere else.
7. Say whatever is mean, playfully
If you can’t say anything nice…
6. “Let me guess: you weigh… 345″
Telling a woman she’s fat is the easiest way to guarantee you’ll never get to see her body, no matter how thin she actually is.
5. Disqualify her by her age
Unless you’re going into this date totally blind (or you just met her at the bar), you should have some idea of how old she is. If it’s really that much of a dealbreaker once you find out, you probably shouldn’t have even asked in the first place.
4. Be sarcastic
Yes, this would be good, but of course, only if you aren’t a douchebag about it. That’s too much to ask for AskMen, who’s idea of a sarcastic response is, “Really? Wow. That must be the most fascinating thing I’ve heard all week.”
3. “I don’t think this is going to work out”
This is more likely to have a woman in tears (if she actually cares about your crass ass), or it’s the best way to get a slap in the face — especially when they find out you’re joking.
2. “You just lost a point”
Ditto on that slapping part.
1. Delivery is key
“Go get some classic comedies on DVD and pay attention to how the actors deliver the lines that make you laugh. Watch them over and over again, and then practice your delivery skills with the women in your life. If women are cracking up and wanting to playfully punch you, you’re doing it right. If they’re not laughing at all, you have some improvements to make or you need to choose women who are more fun and more secure in themselves to spend your time with.”
No, these women aren’t insecure, you probably just sound like a tool pretending to be Ron Burgundy, and yeah, women must fall all over that. Not.
To sum it all up, yes, these will make a woman crazy, but not in the way you want. Get real, guys.