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So apparently there is yet another problem with the divorce rate for representing the number of couples who actually stay together (sorry, but the statistician in me has to point that out). The New York Times discussed a recent trend among couples who choose to technically remain married, but are separated.
Divorce lawyers and marriage therapists say that for most couples, the motivation to remain married is financial. According to federal law, an ex qualifies for a share of a spouse’s Social Security payment if the marriage lasts a decade. In the case of more amicable divorces, financial advisers and lawyers may urge a couple who have been married eight years to wait until the dependent spouse qualifies.
The article also discusses the advantages of being able to remain together in some aspects, without actually having to live together. Couples who are not divorced can still appear at social events together (particularly convenient for couples who are political or …
… have high powered positions), can still both parent the children without involving custody battles, and can retain a friendship if they want.
The article goes on to highlight the negative aspects of the long-term separation. To me, these aren’t hard to imagine. When one party wants to remarry, there is suddenly a complex legal battle, especially in regards to property. It’s easy to see, if the finances are still tied as a married couple, how a financial mess could arise with one person’s irresponsibility in handling money.
You must all know how much I love creative solutions to traditional relationship structures (what can I say. I’m a relationship rebel). But honestly, I’m not convinced this is a great idea. In a few specific situations, I can see why it would be beneficial in a short-term environment. But I see so many more problems that could arise from allowing the marriage to stand. Once the couple is separated, one party could easily change how they felt about a certain aspect of the arrangement, and instantly the entire arrangement is endangered. Once you blur the lines between couple and not, everyone, including family, friends, children, associates, and even the couple themselves, has a difficult time understanding how to deal with the relationship and I think it would be easy to misunderstand where the boundaries lie.
What do you think about this solution to the problem of divorce? Do you think it’s ever a good idea, or do you think it’s the best of both worlds? Do you know anyone, including yourself, who has done this?
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My grandparents were separated but not divorced for about 20 years. My grandfather was a judge and they were Catholic, so they did not want a divorce.
I can see how a woman would benefit from this, all the legal and financial benefits of a marriage without any of the bother of a husband. And if the dude is the kind of sissy man who can’t let go of a woman, he would except it. But to be honest marriage is just male slavery, and staying married while separated is even worse. Seriously there should be some sort of PSA about this. Telling men of the numerous downsides to marriage and how it is best to end a relationship before it reaches a year. There are plenty of fish in the sea, tying yourself to one is a sure-fire way to get drowned.
Male Slavery? Seriously? Statistically married women DIE before their husbands…Wonder why?
Oh and dude, it’s ACCEPT, not except. and oh yeah, fish don’t drown
“Statistically married women DIE before their husbands” Twisting statistics? No need, I belive you are a woman already. Women die before there husbands? When women usually marry older men and live longer lives on average? Also there are like 3 times as many widows as widowers? Men die more often of violence and workplace accidents yet married women die before their husbands? That is what I call bullshit. Oh and the spelling thing, good job being a douche. As for the slavery, what exactly is the benefit of a man getting married? The honor of working yourself to death to support a wife (and you can spout all the feminist propaganda you want, very few women want a man who isn’t the primary breadwinner), and children that probably aren’t even yours? Or maybe it is knowing that at any moment your wife can leave you for the men (or women or both) that she is cheating on you with (and ALL women cheat) and you can spend the rest of your life supporting them? In case you didn’t know (which I am sure you do, all women do) the only freedom a man has is who he will give his lifeblood supporting. His life and body don’t belong to him no man’s does. Maybe that is why women are so determined to get that which he has left.
Dearie you really try far too hard to be believable.
Um, what? I am sorry just took highschool femicrazy, I can only remember how to say “where is the bathroom” and “how much is the taco” could you translate that into noncrazy?
Sigh. I would really just encourage you to look up Lily Allen’s “F*** You.” That should sum it up nicely.
It’s just funny that you think we’re the radical ones.
Yeah I really don’t care enough to look anything up, what is it with chicks and homework anyway? And yes for feminists you are amazingly rational. Most just snarl, spit, and complain about how men simultaneously stalk and ignore them.
Well I like to think my boyfriend will benefit from my marriage because I will be with him through thick and thin and won’t leave him for another bloke – much less a woman. And as for him main breadwinner, well, if I wanted someone to sustain me I would stay with Mum and Dad. It saddens me that you think of women that way, because most women I know are all the contrary to what you said. They are just looking for a companion, not a 60s-style husband provider.
Sorry to be an arse, but the actual statistic said that married women die younger than unmarried women, whereas it is all the way round for men, they die younger if they didn’t marry.
My former employer had a separation like this, as well. They seemed to be good friends, but just couldn’t live together.
I would think that if your marriage is amicable enough for a separation, then for most couples a divorce would be fairly painless and a custody battle would be unlikely. If the couple is mature enough to stay together and even live together, they are certainly mature enough to handle an easy divorce.
Miree!
You are too little to get married!
Haha don’t worry Blurry I’m not getting married yet, five more years AT LEAST.
I too, cannot understand the concept of staying married but living separately. What happens when he/she does want to date someone? How do you explain to that third party? I know I would not be comfortable dating someone with a “wife” even if I was sure it was “in name only”.
(and ALL women cheat)
????
That’s more disturbing than the entire article. And entirely not true. Have a great life.
umm… guys… why are you even on this website anyway?
and i mean guys… like males
Since when are only women allowed to be feminists?