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As usual, I was perusing ESPN.com to catch up on what was going on in the sports world. Normally, I just read the news articles and check the box scores, but today on the front page there was an NFL preview, highlighting the conference that my beloved New England Patriots play in, so, of course, I just had to read it. Now for the most part the ESPN commentaries are quite good, if not way too long, when they stick to sports, that is. When they veer off into musings about pop culture and politics, things start to fall apart, which is exactly what happened with this latest commentary. The latest installment of Gregg Easterbrook’s weekly Tuesday Morning Quarterback was bad all over, but the one section that was completely ridiculous was “SI Swimsuit Count” which tallies the number of naked women in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue (which came out seven months ago, before the Winter Olympics). While this sophomoric concept might be better suited to a site like The Smoking Jacket, Easterbrook’s outright misogyny and lack of even the tiniest bit of frat boy humor makes this segment beyond redemption.
Easterbrook (who was previously fired and then rehired by Disney, ESPN’s parent company, after saying that Jewish CEO Michael Eisner was dishonoring the Holocaust for marketing the ultra-violent Kill Bill just to make money) starts off with this gem:
“Annually TMQ tallies the number of disrobed babes in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition: Somebody’s got to do this!”
He then gives us the most important statistics:
“33 women who were topless, bottomless or had their bikinis untied … there were four naked women and five in only body paint.”
Beyond this rather pervy “body count,” Easterbrook also manages to say something particularly boneheaded:
“There were also six women wearing one-piece suits: how did those get past the photo editor?”
Oh, gee whiz Gregg, I don’t know, maybe it’s because they’re of a bunch of hot supermodels?
If this weren’t bad enough, Easterbrook uses cites the intellectually dishonest Hanna Rosin (whose ludicrous “The End of Men,” which Easterbook thinks, “better win a National Magazine Award,” I have already critiqued) in order make his ogling of the attractive non-waif (at least he got something right) and gold medalist Lindsey Vonn seem justified (or an obligation, as he puts it). To end this whole mess, Easterbrook makes one attempt at the juvenile humor he sorely lacks, giving a prize to the “nuttiest cheesecake photo” (women can be eaten now, too) of a topless Vonn in front of a helicopter, “just the sort of machine that makes a beautiful woman want to peel her clothes off!” Well, ladies and gentlemen, better make a beeline down to the airfield to see if you can’t get a used one to go cruising for chicks in. Just don’t forgot to pick up Gregg Easterbrook to be your wingman!
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Item the first-describing pin-ups as “cheesecake” has been happening for what? A century? Do you people not have google? Nice catch on that, next thing you know you’ll catch someone eyeballing that seam up the back of some woman’s gams!
Item the second-Really? You found the counting to be so offensive that you had to write an article about it? Did you actually read it? No, there was no “frat-boy” humor. There was actual humor. The entire section is tongue in cheek most particularly when he makes the damn helicopter comment because. And god forbid a male sports writer on ESPN say good things about an article written by a woman discussing “how social trends now favor women.” The bit immediately after that with the National Magazine Award comment? Sincere and and a friendly wink and a smile to men who perhaps might click through to the article by noting the female author’s affection for “Friday Night Lights.”
Greg Easterbrook would be a fine wingman, he is informed, witty, and probably pretty laid back. You could learn a thing or two from him.
*Helicopter comment because the quote is “powerful and competent” so it is funny when he says it is just the sort of machine to make a woman take her clothes off. If you can’t see the eyeroll implied by Easterbrook I think you might want to take a stab at honing your close reading skills.
In fact the more I think about this, the more I really feel like if there is any article which should be examined for being offensive to women it is this one! How condescending. Just because something involves the swimsuit issue it does not automatically follow that it is sexist. If one was to read only YOUR article Greg Easterbrook would be on many a shit list. Which you count on I guess? These silly women would never think to click to through ESPN (everyone knows feminists would never put such a thing in their browsing history). So you are safe making a “feminist” issue out of it. And don’t forget to harp on the cheesecake comment either. Easterbrook is obvs trying to imply that women are nothing more than dessert. Except that is is a PUN. “Nuttiest cheesecake” Really? You didn’t catch that? Way to push, poorly, a whole bunch of stereotypical feminist buttons. That is the sexism on this page. To think that you can provoke some sort of knee jerk reaction in women because you think we are just as incapable of research as you are.