Every twenty-eight days, I curse Eve from the bottom of my soul. “I hope that freaking apple was delicious, you selfish jerk!” is about the nicest thing that comes out of my mouth. While menstruation has become everything from an art medium to a convenient excuse for men to write off the “misbehavior” of women, it’s still a subject that tends to skeeve people out.
And I’m one of them. It’s bad enough to have horrible cramps (abdomen, back, and legs), stained underwear, violent diarrhea at the onset, bloating, a headache that lasts throughout, the inconvenience of sanitary napkins and tampons (I am seriously looking into the diva cup), the impact on your sex life (I had a memorable and utterly humiliating experience once where my period was done … but then somehow restarted again while in a compromising position—I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed in my life), being aware of the smell, food cravings, and I could go on but I’m sure you get the point.
Periods suck … and men just can’t get it. To be fair to our male counterparts, how could they know what it feels like? There’s just no equivalent.
Well, until now, thanks to the ingenuity of Japenese-British artist Hiromi Ozaki.
The Menstruation Machine is an art project by Hiromi Ozaki (aka Sputniko!), a Japanese-British artist who seems very intrigued by her own monthly cycle.
Featured in the Royal College of Art’s Design Interactions show, the device is intended to let men feel the pain of a woman’s period, though Ozaki says it’s also designed for women, as menstruation “might become something obsolete” in the future due to advances in contraceptive technology.
The silvery device, which may or may not be merely conceptual, is worn around the waist like a belt. According to Ozaki’s YouTube site, the machine drips about 80 milliliters (2.7 ounces) of blood from a tank to simulate the average flow of a five-day period. Prepare your iPads, or whatever else will stanch that flow.
I don’t really want to know where the blood comes from, but no doubt Ozaki is a hard-core performance artist. Meanwhile, for the pain of cramps, the device has “lower abdomen-stimulating electrodes” that might have you running for Midol.
Ozaki’s video actually made me laugh pretty hard. I’m not really a wimp about pain (I have chronic pancreatitis, which is a condition that makes childbirth feel like a hangnail), but there have been times that menstrual cramps have undoubtedly led me to choose curling up in a recliner over hiking a mountain … and I’ve had men say to me, “Listen, you have a stomachache. Get over it.”
Watching the menstrual-machine wearing dude brought to his knees by “just a stomachache” made me realize that there are quite a few men I’d like to attach this puppy to (not for a long time—I’m not cruel—but just so they can have a glimpse of understanding).
CNet also explains the video a bit, which honestly I found a bit helpful since I was a little confused (I’m kind of obtuse about odd things sometimes).
The vid by Ozaki is a story of a nerd boy called Takashi who wants to discover what it’s really like to be a girl. He isn’t satisfied with just dressing up like a typical gyaru floating around Shibuya Station, so he builds a menstruation simulation machine. Now that’s dedication for you.
Decked out in a matching jacket and kawaii orange wig and heels, he straps on the machine, grabs his blinged-out keitai, and heads out for a night on the town in Tokyo.
After a bit of purikura photo booth fun with a girlfriend, poor Takashi is overcome by cramps. He retreats to a restroom, writing in pain. Presumably, he pushes the Sound Princess button to mask his grunts. But his girlfriend seems to like his femininity, and they arrange for another outing the next day.
Glorious.
The Diva Cup is amazing. Totally worth the initial cost! It takes a few times to get the hang of using it, and you have to get over the initial “ick-factor”, but really, try it. And there are tons of videos on youtube all about them.
I agree – try the Diva cup. A trial run on this machine should be a requirement for male OB/GYN’s in school.
I refuse to go to a male ob/gyn. I’m sure they can learn their stuff, and I’m not prudish about it or anything… but it’s kind of like going to a mechanic who doesn’t own a car.
I remember in high school some of our guy friends would give us shit when we complained of cramps. Then, in biology class we watched on of those human anatomy/reproduction videos and it showed the fallopian tubes contracting (using one of those cool cameras inside the body). It was really cool to see what it actually looked like from the inside… the boys cringed just looking at it and apologized to us immediately.
This is fantastic.
I wouldn’t mind throwing this on a few guys either. Cramps are very persistant; even when they aren’t great stabs of pain, the constant aching is very hard to ignore.
Oops, *persistent.
This reminded me, did you switch bc from the one that caused migraines yet?
Not yet, next Sunday though! I’m excited! At the very least it probably couldn’t get any worse :P
I gain 8lbs of water weight every period without fail any machine would need to trigger that for me to think it’s worth it.
Totally had the “my period was done” experience. It was cold and we (my boyfriend then, husband now) decided we’d do a quickie. He had a pair of white long johns on and I pulled them down enough to do the job and climbed on top. Well I didn’t pull them down far enough and my “finished” period decided it had a little more oomph because after the deed I got up and was mortified to see some red stains on his long johns. Fortunately he is clueless enough about the ways of women that I was able to pull of an “I have no idea why that would happen, my period is totally over.” Why is blood less gross when not associated with the female menstrual cylce?
The best sex I have is usually on the last day of my period. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind, although he doesn’t like to do it during my period. I think I might smack him if he freaked out about my blood though. Men can be such pansies about it.
I dated a man eons ago who always suggested orgasms to ease my cramps. At first I wanted nothing to do with this since I was doubled over in so much pain. But by golly it worked. He never wanted any reciprocation either. Great guy.
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there’s a project called the Peanut Butter and Jelly challenge by a feminist group called the WeMoon Army out of Chicago. Its a zine that instructs non-menstruating people to wear pads with PBJ on them to experience what menstruation feels like/what pads feel like, and makes them change the pad the same way that a menstruating person would, and makes them do challenges such as running in the pad and going to a dress-up event like a wedding in that pad. these instructions must be checked off a list by a person who has menstruated, and the completed assignment is sent to the Army in exchange for an embroidered patch of accomplishment, a la Boy/Girl Scout badge.
I third (or whatever the number would be) the Diva Cup!
Two months ago, I read an article about it on ZL. I happened to start my period the next day, ran out to buy one and I’m never looking back. In 2 periods, I haven’t had a single leak, my cramps are lighter, there’s no smell, and I can just pop it in morning and night and forget about it! I went to an all day event today, and didn’t have to think twice about changing a tampon in a Port-A-Potty.
I’ve seriously been pimping it out to every single female that I know. Go for it!
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