You know, as sad as it is, many rape victims feel that they were at least partially to blame for their sexual assault, usually because they feel they “egged” on their perpetrator at one point, or in another case, were friends with their assailant and felt that they should have given in easier or something equally pitiful. It’s a sad, sad thing when an individual (male or female; rape knows no victim discrimination) feels the need to take some of the responsibility for their horrific experience in an effort to assert more control over the situation — and that’s precisely what it is: a fledgling grasp to feel at least remotely responsible and in control, to a certain extent, for the ultimate violation which they suffered at the hands of another.
Rape is a sick, twisted power play that often has nothing to do with sexual attraction, and while this is the case, any male or female who insinuates that their victim was “asking for it” is even further deluded than society could ever truly fathom.
A Scottish organization known as “Not Ever” tackles this issue head-on with the recently-filmed video above (which I highly recommend you watch, if you haven’t already). The video was filmed with the perpetuated myth in mind that some people “ask” for their sexual assault, whether overtly or in a less-direct, and more subliminal (say, you know, because of the skirt that they’re wearing, for example), manner.
The video, I’ll warn you, is almost appalling in its clarity, and doesn’t hold punches when it comes to discussing rape and how people feel that some women — mostly men — “ask for it.”
You can get involved with the “Not Ever” movement here, and I definitely urge you to do so — it’s clearly a worthy cause.
Regardless of what some people think, there’s no excuse for rape — in any way, shape or form — ever.
Awesome video.
I agree that victims are never asking for it and that rapes are in absolutely no way their fault. I’m glad that message is being broadcast.
However, I do think that women should be taught to be more responsible to avoid such situations. I think a lot of these videos/ads miss that very crucial part.
In what way should women be more responsible? As in learning ways to defend themselves? Or avoiding dark alleyways? I’m a bit confused as to what you mean.
So, women should have to change their behavior to accommodate rapists? Should have to think in the back of their minds at all times “but wait, someone might rape me if I do this” ? No. No they should not.
We do it to some extent because we have to. But I will not give another inch to douchebags who thing that because of what I’m wearing, I’m “asking for it”. I will wear whatever the fuck I want to, I drink whatever the fuck I want to, I will behave however the fuck I want to, because my friends are watching out for me and me for them. That is all that should be expected of me, because I’m not committing a crime. This “responsibility” you speak of belongs with men who force women to do things when they don’t want to or are physically incapable of giving consent (if the guy even bothers to GET consent). They should have more responsibility and make sure they aren’t doing anything that is illegal. They’re the ones committing a crime here.
I guess you don’t lock your doors or keep your money out of sight either.
I don’t think Merc is saying that women need to stop drinking or cover up- especially since rape isn’t about physical attraction, but there are things that everyone (male and female) does to make sure they’re safe from any number of crimes like mugging or robberies. In this case it’s probably in reference to stuff like keeping an eye on your drink during a frat party. Besides, you even mentioned having your friends around- that’s something that people do to stay safe.
Nobody’s saying that you need to be worried all the time, but it’s naive to say that you never have to think about it because you’re not the one at fault.
But if you take a public service announcement like the one above and then tag on the end- women to avoid being raped, be responsible and make sure you do A, B, C- it kind of defeats the point of the message. Yes it is important that we take steps to protect ourselves, but to make an ad pointing out the asinine view that somehow the victim is even iota at fault for rape and then tag on something about preventing rape, the target audience (presumably someone who has trouble seeing how the victim is not at fault) would probably not get the message quite as well.
The ads which Merc seems to be after need to be totally separate. An ad like this here isn’t really to benefit those being raped (other than maybe to assuage some feelings of guilt a rape victim might have) but primarily to point out to those who make statements like “She is asking for it” without thinking, because it is pretty common phrase, which could influence someone who might have a sexual problem (a rapist) to take that information in, begin to justify in their head that someone who dresses provocatively is in fact secretly asking for sex. Ads meant to prevent rape for victims should be out there though, but they need to be treated with care, as it is very easy to fall into that area of blaming.
I agree with you, and i liked how you said it, because when i say it, it usually comes out wrong and people think i’m insane..
I agree that the ad was great and what Sarah wrote was spot on. According to RAINN, 73% of rape victims know their assailant. So, let’s say you’re at home and your father comes in blind drunk and high on something. If you’re in your pj’s and forcibly comes at you and rapes you, were you asking for it? Or, you agree to go on a date with someone and for the sheer fact that you said yes to the date, the guy rapes you… were you asking for it? Like others have said above, there are things that we all do unconciously, as a matter of instinct, to protect ourselves every day. There is no harm in continued education for women on how to protect themselves, but it is equally as important to dispel myths about rape and put the actions of would-be rapists in the spotlight. Rape cannot remain a taboo subject. We will never get anywhere unless ALL ASPECTS of the subject are brought to light and people are educated on them.
I think that video is fantastic. I agree with Gigi, it’s a tough call determining how a woman should take care of herself, considering the fine line between being careful and being called a “prude,” “bitch,” and living life in paranoia of any man whether he be walking down the street or our good friend. I think what the campaign needs is also making these kinds of guys (guys who think that a girl is “asking for it” with her outfit) look like giant idiots by other guys. =)
Good point! Part of this rape culture is fueled by the need to appear hypermasculine. By reframing masculinity for the guys who think this way, we show them that part of being a man is recognizing that you do not use your masculinity to physically overpower or hurt anyone who is vulnerable, and that the responsibility for one’s actions rest solely on that person – not anyone else.
I love this video. And dammit, a woman should be able to walk down the street naked without asking for it.
I love this video, and the message. I can’t wait to see what else they create!
I really like the approach they are taking in this video. Instead of what most awareness ads say, which is “Ladies, protect yourselves.” This video is saying “HEY DOUCHEBAG, SHE’S NOT ASKING FOR IT YOU FUCKTARD.” I know how to protect myself: Don’t get blind-drunk, don’t leave bars with dudes I don’t know, don’t be stupid, etc. So it’s nice to have someone argue the otherside: Don’t rape, don’t think about raping and, definitely, don’t use her clothing and body language to try and justify it to yourself.
I like it as well. It tiring to hear that women always have to protect themselves; I like hearing other people told that their behavior is unacceptable, also.
I was a little distracted by those melodic Scottish accents.
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I love this video. It’s the perfect way to show people that women are taking back control, that we shouldn’t be judged on how we dress or what we look like when we go out, and it’s also saying “Just because I wear a skirt like this is NOT an invitation to have sex with me against my will.”
I applaud Not Ever, and I hope more and more people see this video and become aware of what’s going on. As someone who’s survived a rape that I KNOW was NOT my fault, I think that this video is great for showing the common misconceptions that people have. It’s shocking and direct, but it definitely gets the message across.
@Shannon, I change my behavior to accommodate criminals all the time. I lock my doors, I avoid bad neighborhoods. I never walk into a situation I don’t know the way out of. I never go to bars.
I hate rape more than any other crime that happens. It’s a sick sadistic form of torture that doesn’t belong in the human soul. No one ever asks for it, no one is ever responsible for it but the rapist. I just desperately want potential victims to do whatever it takes to stay safe and not let it happen to them.
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